Page 32 of The Temptation of Truth
“That’s bullshit.” Sav rips her hand through her long silver hair, her nostrils flaring and eyes flashing with anger as herwhispered words lash between us. “It’s homophobic bullshit peddled by her homophobic manager and perpetuated by her own internalized homophobia. Everyone on Earth knows you’re bisexual, and it hasn’t affected your career at all.”
My eyes sting. My chest hurts. The only thing keeping me from storming off or shouting in her face is the absolute pain I see in her eyes. She doesn’t get joy out of this. She’s not saying it to hurt me, even though it does.
“That’s different, and you know it.”
“It’s not different, though. It’s not. There are a lot of successful queer fashion models. She might get some media heat at first, but her career would be fine. If she loved you—really loved you, like loud and proud and not in secret—she’d do it.”
“You have absolutely no idea what you’re fucking talking about, Savannah. You have no idea how scary it is to come out. It’s terrifying.”
“You came out at sixteen?—”
“To you! I came outto you. I didn’t have a family or a community or a career to worry about shunning me, and I wasstillscared shitless. Kat doesn’t know how her family will take it. She doesn’t know how it will affect her standing in the industry. And regardless of whetheryouthink her career will be fine, not everyone can handle media backlash the way you do. Not everyone was born with yourno fear, fuck it allkind of attitude. You can’t expect Kat to take that kind of risk or make that kind of sacrifice until she’s ready. Fuck, even after I came out it took me a while to get comfortable with myself. Do you remember how long it took me to actually date someone? How hard it was for me to be openly queer, even around Jo and Torren?”
Sav frowns, sadness passing over her expression as she scans my face. Then she nods.
“I remember,” she says on a resigned sigh. “You’re right. I don’t understand. I will never fully understand. But can I expecther to at least rearrange her schedule so she can keep a date with you?”
“It was a brand deal. It was important.”
“I’m not talking about just this time, Mabel. There isalwayssomething. There is always something more important, or more urgent, or more exciting than you.”
My jaw drops. I feel tears start to well in my eyes as a matching glitter fills Sav’s. When I hurt, she hurts, and vice versa. It’s always been like this.
“That’s low, Savannah.”
She blinks and a single tear rolls down her cheek, but she doesn’t look away from me.
“You deserve to be a priority, Mabes. You deserve to bethepriority. Top fucking priority. I hate watching you let yourself be put dead last, and I hate her for doing it. I know you’re not happy. She keeps hurting you over and over, and you deserve so much fucking better. You deserve the world.”
I close my eyes against the sting of tears and shake my head, taking deep, measured breaths. She acts like it should be simple. Like the choice should be blinking neon and obvious. But not all of us find our soulmate in middle school like she did. Not all of us have the universe on our side. She just doesn’t get it.
“It’s not that easy, Sav. She just...She justcan’tright now.”
“Yeah, well, if she wanted to, she would.”
Sav’s voice trails off, and I don’t respond. I have nothing else to say. I just stand in front of her with my eyes closed, focusing on the movement happening all around us. I can hear Jonah and Torren at their instruments. Can hear roadies moving around, prepping for the show in a few hours. Hammond’s voice is a low hum from somewhere offstage, probably talking on the phone. But Sav and I just stand in silence, and despite the fight we just had, I’m glad she’s not walking away. She knows how much I hate being alone.
And deep down, I think I know she’s right.
I deserve better than what Kat is giving me. Maybe I’m hoping that if I subject myself to Sav’s verbal ass beating, I’ll finally wake the fuck up.
I haven’t yet. But maybe I will.
Approaching footsteps pull me from my thoughts, and I open my eyes just as a roadie steps in front of me. I take my in-ears with a thank you, then turn back to Sav. Her expression has softened, and it makes me want to hug her.
“I love you. I don’t mean to be a bitch. I’m just protective. I don’t like seeing you like this.”
That brings a small smile to my lips. Even if she’s a pain in my ass, it’s fucking amazing having someone who is permanently in my corner. We went through a rough patch for a while, as a band and as a family, but her loyalty and love have never wavered, and neither has mine. The world may know her as Sav Loveless, badass rock star. But to me, she’ll always be Savannah Shaw. My sister. My best friend.
“I know,” I say with more exasperation than I feel. “I’m used to it.” She narrows her eyes, so I roll mine. “I love you, too, Savvy.”
With the conversation over, I turn toward my drum set, but my eyes land right on Aurora. She’s standing in the wings offstage in a blue cotton dress, frozen like an animal in flood lights. Our stares lock for three whole breaths before she drops her head and bolts from sight.
I’m certain she witnessed my argument with Savannah, but I’m hoping she was too far away to hear much of it. It's not that I don’t trust Ham’s niece; it’s that I find it hard to trustanyone. In this industry, you can never be sure of someone’s intentions, and I’ve worked too hard to keep my name out of any scandals.
I’m going to have to run damage control.
I throw myself behind my kit and slump into my seat with a groan.
