Page 55 of The Temptation of Truth
A familiar pain shoots through me. She’s said what’s plagued me for years. Almost my whole life. It’s a question that’s been running through my mind a lot more recently. With my bandmates all pairing off and making new families, how can it not?
I was healthy when the firefighter found me. Fed and clean and happy. I was wrapped in a brand-new blanket and left with a bottle, diapers, and a can of baby formula. I must have had a name. I must have been wanted, even if just a little. I must have been loved...
I stave off the spiral—now is not the time or place—and shrug.
“Maybe. It’s possible. But the foster agency called me Susan. I was Susan until I was about three, then a foster family started calling me Ainsley. I went by Ainsley until I was fifteen and started going by Mabel.”
“Wow.” Aurora shakes her head. “How many lives have you lived, Susan Ainsley Mabel Rossi?”
“One for every name, at least,” I say wryly. “A different variation for every foster placement, too, probably. I had to try a few on before I found one that fit. But isn’t that the point?”
“What is? Trying on lives?”
“Finding one that fits.”
“I never thought of it that way.” She hums, the sound pensive, and when I look at her, she’s staring thoughtfully up into the canopy of branches. “So three, probably four names. How many foster placements?”
“A lot.”Too many.“Only two that mattered, though.”
It’s the truth. All the others run together, but two of them will stay with me forever, for better or worse.
“Will you tell me which two?”
“I will,” I say with a grin.
When I don’t elaborate, she laughs again and amends her question.
“Mabel, which two foster placements mattered and why?”
“Better.”
She rolls her eyes, and I have to suppress a giggle. An actualgiggle. What the hell? I take a deep breath and refocus, bringing my hand up so I can tick off my fingers.
“Okay, so the two that mattered. First, the family that called me Ainsley. I was young when I was placed with them, but I remember liking them. They were nice. They almost adopted me.”
“Almost? What happened?”
“I don’t know everything that went into it, but the lady got pregnant with twins and soon after that, I was back in the system. By that point, though, I’d gotten used to being called Ainsley, so it stuck.”
I feel her eyes on me again, but I keep mine pointed forward. When she speaks, her voice is soft, and though we’re not touching, I can imagine being held. Comforted.
“That must have been hard.”
“I was young.”
“Yeah, and it must have been hard.” She bumps my arm with hers. “Foundation of truth.”
Now it’s my turn for a playful eye roll, then I sigh.
“Yeah, it was hard. I spent the next few years trying to be what I thought my new placements wanted me to be. Like, if I could make myself into what they wanted, I’d get to stay in one place, you know? It never worked. Not until Ms. Mabel, which is ironic because by the time I got to her, I was a mess.”
Aurora laughs. “You were a troublemaker?”
“No, not really, but I had an attitude. I could get mean.”
“I don’t know if I believe that.”
“Oh, believe it. I was an asshole.”
