Page 90 of The Temptation of Truth
She blows out a slow breath and tips her head toward me, finally connecting our gazes once more.
“I was so numb that I stopped caring about everything. I let him take the reins, and now I’m stuck in a life I never wanted. Now I’m stuck in a marriage with a controlling, manipulative man who I don’t love. That’s not strong. That’s pathetic.”
Controlling. Manipulative. Pathetic.
She states the words with such matter-of-fact precision that I get angry. Angry at the universe for putting her through such a tragedy. Angry with Brady for taking advantage of her when shewas vulnerable. Angry with Hammond for abandoning her when she needed him most. And though I understand how irrational it is, I’m angry with myself.
If only I could have found her sooner. She was so close. Mere miles separated us. How many times was I in the room when Ham was texting her? How often did the voice on the other end of his phone belong to her? How did I not know that his family had gone through this? Thathehad gone through this?
He lost his brother and sister-in-law. His nephew. He almost lost his niece.
If I’d just shut up. If I’d just listened. He never told, but I never asked. Maybe if I had, I could have stepped in and prevented it from getting this far. I could have been the safe space Aurora needed. I could have helped her heal.
I feel so close to her now, it’s hard to believe she was ever in such pain, and I didn’t feel it, too.
God, it’s all so fucking unfair. I could have been there, but I wasn’t.
I wasn’t, but I am now.
I hold her gaze and speak clearly, pouring everything I’m feeling into my voice, hoping she can hear it. Hoping she can feel it.
“You are not pathetic, Roar. You were nineteen, heartbroken and traumatized. You were in recovery mode, and you were vulnerable, and someone you thought you could trust took advantage of you. That’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong. That’s all on Brady. Youarestrong.”
She swallows and licks her lips, her voice thick with sorrow.
“It doesn’t change where I am now. I’m stuck.”
“You’reherenow. You’re here with me. You’re not stuck.”
She shrugs. “He won’t let me get a job. He monitors my bank account. I can’t have friends or hobbies that involve leaving the house. He even dictates the way I dress. Honestly, I think theonly reason he let me come here was so he could use it against me later. He didn’t think I would last. He said I’d get fired or come home early. He let me do it so that for years to come, when I’m three kids in and miserable, he can throw it in my face to keep me in line.”
I nearly flinch when the realization hits me.Three kids in and miserable.Suddenly, her outburst in the dressing room replays in my head, and the reasoning behind it becomes clear.
That’s what everyone wants, right? It’s what everyone should want.
She’d said it so frantically, asked the questions so desperately, like she was trying to make herself believe them. Like she needed someone other than Brady to tell her what she should want. After four years of not trusting herself—four years of living in darkness and letting Brady control everything—it makes sense that waking up to reality would be scary.
She wanted reassurance that the life she’d been living was her only option, that desiring something else was pointless, and she didn’t get it.
Three kids in and miserable.
That’s what everyone wants, right?
But not her.
A harrowing possibility sinks into my stomach and makes my insides churn. Is that why she was crying in the bathroom, too? Is there more to her desperation? A catalyst that’s pushed her over the edge?
I force a swallow to calm the quiver in my voice before I ask.
“Are you pregnant?”
She shakes her head rapidly, and a bit of my concern eases. But then she speaks, and it fills me with anger.
“I’m not pregnant, but Brady wants me to be. He’s been trying. If I don’t get pregnant in the next few months, he wants to see a fertility doctor. He wants his first kid before he’s thirty.”
He’strying.Hewants.Hiskid.
It’s all him, and I hate him.
