Page 89 of Make Me Bleed
“Nothing?” I pose it like a question, and he narrows his eyes.
“Mhm. Bring Ma’s mac and cheese over and grab a spoon.”
“Why?” I ask, even as I do exactly as I’m told.
“Because you’re going to help.”
And that’s exactly what I do. I help Gabe get the table set up, while Elise and Peris finish getting the food ready. Their roommate, Michael, is with his family, so it’s just us, which is nice. Once everything is in place, we all find a spot at the small table—Peris and I sitting right next to each other, with Elise across from me, and Gabe across from Peris.
“Well, dig in,” Peris grunts after he’s sat down, and Gabe doesn’t waste any time shoveling food onto his plate. Elise giggles, and I follow suit, watching the pile grow. “Well, save some for the rest of us, dick.” Peris must kick Gabe under the table because he yelps and nearly drops his plate. It clatters to the table.
“Fuck off. I’ve been smelling this all day! Who knew you could cook, Baxter,” Gabriel snipes.
“Only ‘cause of Ma,” he replies earnestly, and I watch Elise grin with pride. And it’s nice.
Lovely even.
To be here now. With them. With this family. And to finally feel like I belong.
It’s fuckingboringnot havinganything to do while Peris is gone.
All I do is visit Mo and get high. Which is nice, don’t get me wrong. I’m having a great time, but I’m crawling out of my fuckingmindwith boredom when I’m alone—like I am right now.
Peris is in class again since winter break is over, and he has practice after school, and there is absolutely nothing for me to do except lie here and stare at the fucking sky as I bring the joint to my lips and suck in the burning, earthy aroma.
I wrap my coat tighter around myself and shift on my ass, which is now completely numb, as snowflakes flutter around carelessly, some sticking in my hair in their escape. I run my fingers through said hair to dislodge them before shaking my head and dropping my chin to my knees.
I blow warm air onto my legs, which only causes goosebumps to form along my skin and does fuck all to actually warm me, but then, I reach the end of my joint and I stub it out in the ashtray, no more eager to go inside now than I was when I first stepped outside.
There’s just something about being out here, looking out over the cityscape, that calms me.
To physically see that I made it. I made it out of the shitty town, and I’m finallyhere.All on my own.
I fucking did this shit. Albeit it wasn’t perfect, and I fucked up a lot on the way, but still. And I have Peris now, too—and have had for over a month now without any serious blow ups.
How much better could life get right now?
I honestly don’t think I can top this.
And I don’t want to.
My phone rings, startling me, and I drop my joint to the ground. “Shit,” I hiss as I scramble to pick it up. I drop it in the ashtray and swipe to answer when I see my baby boy’s name flashing on the screen.
“Hey.”
“Hey, baby,” Peris says so easily, and my heart flutters in my chest like a fucking teenager.
“What’s up?” I squeak out, and he chuckles into the line.
“Nothing much.” I hear the wind blowing into the receiver. “Just in between classes and figured I’d give you a call. You coming over tonight?”
The stupid, useless fucking muscle in my chest won’t give it a rest. “Sure,” I croak and swallow the lump that has formed. I’mpathetic.
Absolutely and completely useless and pathetic?—
“Abel?”
“What?”
