Page 40 of Mated to the Werewolves
“Won’t Carter and Sebastian be mad at you for shedding all over their pillows?”
The wolf lets out a snort, as if my insinuation is absurd. I turn to the dresser opposite the bed and rummage through it for a t-shirt. The blanket is great, but I feel like I need a barrier around me for this talk. I find one that’s way too big for me, but when I sniff it up close, I think it smells like Troy, so I put it on and let the blanket drop.My wolf seems to approve of my decision because he huffs at me when I crawl into bed next to him and puts his big head in my lap.
“Oof,” I breathe. “Troy, you’re heavy.”
The snort he gives me sounds a lot like laughter, and the vise gripping my heart unclenches a little. If he’s relaxed enough to want to be in my presence, I’ll take that as a win, though I wish he’d shift for me.
“So, I have something to explain to you, and since you’re still furry, I think you’re here to listen, right?” I begin, stroking my fingers through his silky-soft fur.
There are scars all over his body, old wounds healed over. I try not to touch them for fear of how he might react, but I find a gnarly scar under his fur by accident, my fingers brushing over it. Troy stops breathing for a moment, but when I slowly trace it with my fingertips from one end to the other, he exhales and closes his eyes.My throat tightens up, and I have to swallow several times before I’m able to speak again.
“You trust me with this,” I whisper. “Why won’t you trust me when I tell you that you didn’t hurt me earlier?”
He lets out a low whine, his eyes still shut.
“Okay,” I say softly. “Listen. My life hasn’t been all horrible up until now, but there were key moments that really blew my self-esteem to pieces. I did lots of therapy for it.”
I let out a low laugh as I remember those awful months a couple of years ago, when I would wake up every night crying because of recurring nightmares where people were constantly leaving me.
“I had to pick up double shifts every week and lived off of ramen for months to be able to afford it with my crappy insurance but I did it because I couldn’t live like that anymore. And it helped. The nightmares went away, and I got to a much better place.”
I close my eyes and lean my head on the headboard. Maybe it’s good that Troy is wolf-shaped right now. Sifting my fingers through his fur is incredibly soothing, and I can get the whole story out without interruption.
“I have abandonment issues,” I admit. “My dad left my mom when she told him she was pregnant. She was a great mom, the best I could have asked for, but she passed away when I was fourteen.” I pause, then add, “She was killed in a hit-and-run by a drunk driver on her walk back from work. I was sent to live with my grandparents on my father’s side after that. They didn’t even know I existed, but my dad had moved out of the country by then with his new wife and family, so my grandparents took me in. Never let me forget I was a burden, though, and that they were doing me a favor in keeping me instead of sending me away to a group home.”
I grimace, remembering those lonely years. My grandparents wouldn’t let me out after school because they thought I’d ‘turn out to be just like my hussy mother, getting pregnant at eighteen,’ and I had no social life because I’d been the weird poor kid who moved there from out of town. I didn’t know anyone, and high school was horrible.
“I left as soon as I finished high school, got a job, and have been on my own ever since,” I tell Troy quickly, wanting to get the story finished. “You can imagine the jobs I worked weren’t that great, but I couldn’t afford college, and my grades weren’t good enough for a scholarship of any sort. I had a couple of boyfriends, two of them serious, or so I thought. Both left me after they realized I was too clingy for their taste.”
I finally open my eyes and swallow down any lingering impulse to cry. I’d shed enough tears for those men who promised me things they didn’t want to deliver on. Who thought I was fun to hang out with but didn’t want to commit to what I’d always wanted for myself—a safe, stable home and a family.
“And that’s what you need to know about me,” I finish lamely. “I was hurt when you ran away instead of talking, Troy. And if you’re going to ghost me at every sign of trouble, I don’t know if I can do this. I know you went through a lot. I can feelit.” I brush over his scar again. “But I’m telling you right now that I can’t do this thing where you’re only with me halfway. You either want all of me, or none. I don’t know how things work for wolves, but…”
A shimmer of magic, and the wolf in my lap transforms into a very naked, very large man. He scrambles backward until he can sit up and looks me dead in the eyes.
“We have good insurance,” he blurts.
I blink at him. “What?”
“You can go to therapy again,” he says. “If you want to, I mean. There’s no rush. But if you’ll stay with us, we can get you on our plan and you can get more help.”
My throat closes up, so I swallow thickly. “Y-you’d do that for me?”
Troy takes my hand between both of his and rasps, “Yeah, honey. We’d do pretty much anything.” He leans down and kisses my knuckles. “Sorry I ran out on you. If I knew how much that hurt you, I wouldn’t have done it.”
I search his face for any sign that he’s just saying this to placate me, but he’s so earnest, so serious, that I know he’s telling me the truth.
“Okay,” I say. “That’s good.”
He closes his eyes for a moment. “I want to tell you what happened.”
I know immediately he’s not talking about today’s events. “You don’t have to. Not yet. We’ve only just met, and I understand that trauma can be difficult to talk about. We can do?—”
But he’s already shaking his head. “I want to. Now that I know your trigger, I’ll be able to take care of you better. And I want you to know mine so you don’t take things personally if I…” He clenches his jaw. “If I’m not the best mate to you at times.”
I squeeze his fingers, then crawl closer to him, unable to stay away when he’s so forlorn. “You are the best mate, no matter what. Okay? You don’t have to be perfect to be perfect for me.”
His lips twitch up in a ghost of a smile. Then he pulls me to him quickly and settles me in his lap, his chin resting on top of my head.
