Page 17 of A Sense of Misgiving
Mary sighed. ‘I sometimes wish I was a blacksmith’s daughter, then I would know that any affections bestowed upon me were genuine.’
‘It’s natural to assume that people from other walks of life have an easier time of it, but it isn’t necessarily true. I have never been in love, but I have been the recipient of unwanted attentions.’
‘Your father’s curate?’
‘Yes. And I never for one moment considered accepting him, not even to please my family. I am quite determined never to marry for anything other than the deepest reciprocal love, you see, and I am told that I will instinctively know when my affections are returned. Emma certainly did—and Miranda, too. Anyway, you are in a more fortunate position than I, since you are assured of financial security. Take comfort from that, and wait until you are sure that your feelings are returned for all the right reasons.’ Flora squeezed Mary’s hand. ‘That said, there is absolutely no reason why your Fergus should not adore you for yourself as well as your fortune. He is unworthy of you if he cannot see for himself all your good qualities.’
‘Thank you, Flora. You always know exactly the right things to say.’ She wrinkled her brow. ‘His attentions have been very marked, but perhaps he’s just being polite because I am Lucy’s particular friend. It’s so hard to know, so I shall follow your advice and allow matters to take their own course. Lucy plans to call here soon, and hopefully the captain will escort her. Mr Arnold is never around as much as she would like, because of his business. Something to do with textiles, I think, so Captain Redfern escorts Lucy everywhere now that he is back home and has nothing else to do except recover his health.’
Zeus, Flora noticed, had now climbed the tree and was helping the falling leaves on their way by batting them from the branches. ‘Why do we not deliver Lucy’s invitation to your party in person this afternoon? I assume they live nearby.’
Mary perked up at the idea. ‘Yes, very close to Emma actually.’
‘Well then, we can leave your Grandmamma with Emma to talk about babies for an hour and then move on to see Lucy.’
‘What a lovely idea.’ Mary clapped her hands at the prospect. ‘I will order up the carriage.’
‘Good. Is Lucy’s brother staying with her?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well then, wear your best hat, my dear, because I dare say we shall see him, too.’
Grinning, Mary jumped up and impulsively kissed Flora’s cheek. ‘Thank you, I shall. I feel so much better for having spoken to you. Emma noticed my interest, of course, but her thoughts are naturally on her condition. One cannot blame her for that. But she did mention that she can see nothing but good in Captain Redfern.’
Flora shook her head. ‘Sorry, Mary, but when did Emma see anything other than good in anyone?’
Mary conceded the point with a wry smile. ‘I don’t know how we ever managed without your sound common sense, dearest Flora.’
Flora patted Mary’s shoulder, told her she was entirely welcome and that she would see her later.
Alone again, Mary fell to contemplating. Luke would probably not approve of her settling her interest upon a gentleman without prospects, but he wouldn’t withhold his consent, not if he was convinced that they truly loved each other. But how was she supposed to be sure that Fergus Redfern genuinely loved her? He had bombarded her with attentions during her frequent calls upon Lucy and had been hugely entertaining on the two occasions that Mary had dined with her friend. He was the greatest possible fun and didn’t seem to take life too seriously.
Her heart quailed at the thought of his debilitating injuries, the full scope of which she had obviously not seen at first hand. Was she attracted to him because he invoked her sympathies, and because a career he claimed to have loved had been cut tragically short? Mary could not have said. She had never been more conflicted. All she knew for a certainty was that a gathering seemed more congenial when Fergus Redfern formed a part of it, and she had made excuses to visit a friend whom she had barely seen for months simply because she knew she would likely see Fergus whenever she did so.
He had reminded her repeatedly about the close friendship that had always existed between their families. About the similar tragedies they had endured, in that both of their fathers had died violent and unexpected deaths. She had felt an immediate, heart-stopping, attraction towards the injured hero, and Lucy had dropped heavy hints about how delighted she was to see Fergus taking an interest in another person for the first time since his return to English soil.
‘Am I interrupting?’ Mary smiled at Paul when he put his head around the door. ‘You look busy.’
‘Never too busy for you.’ She and Paul enjoyed a close friendship, and she had always been able to ask him absolutely anything. But she wouldn’t tell him about Fergus. Confiding in Flora was one thing. Women instinctively understood the difficulties when it came to affairs of the heart. But men, from her observations, married because they were expected to sire heirs or for financial expediency. Her sister Emma and brother Charlie, both of whom had married for love, were exceptions to that rule. Mary adjured herself to remember that fact. ‘What can I do for you?’ she asked him.
He returned her smile. ‘Do I have to have a reason?’
‘Of course not. I am always pleased to see you, and I’m glad that my slave driver of a brother allows you some time for yourself.’
‘Actually, I did call for a specific purpose. I wondered if you had finished your list of guests for the party and if there were any invitations you required delivering.’
‘Thank you. That’s thoughtful of you.’ Paul sat beside her at the table and they went through the list together. ‘Flora and I are going to take Grandmamma to see Emma this afternoon, so we can deliver their invitation in person, as well as Lucy’s.’
Paul scowled. ‘Her brother is on furlough? I see his name on your list.’
‘Yes, he’s staying with Lucy, so I must include him. He was badly injured in Afghanistan, but he can escort his sister since Mr Arnold is in France. It’s very sad for him. Anyway, that just leaves Lord Hardwick. I thought I should invite him since he is such a good friend of yours and Luke’s. He will have to stay over, of course. The poor man cannot travel home at night with his injuries.’
‘That’s kind of you, Mary. I shall make sure word reaches him. Is there anyone else?’
‘Just Charlie and Miranda, and we will call on them this afternoon as well.’
Paul opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again without any words emerging. He looked conflicted, and Mary wanted to ask him why. But she felt awkward suddenly, when there had never previously been any awkwardness between them. She had always looked upon Paul as another brother, but the manner in which he bestowed a lingering glance upon her features now was anything but fraternal. Mary felt unexpected warmth spread through her body and blushed beneath his prolonged scrutiny.
