Page 49 of A Sense of Misgiving
Of course I heard you. You were shouting.
Why is my father here?
How should I know?
You’re supposed to be wise beyond understanding.
Ha!
Flora swivelled her head, feeling trapped and alone in the throng. She recalled the latecomer and the feeling that she had been watched ever since. Perdition! The one and only time she had attended Evensong alone. How could her father have known? Panic gripped her and she found it hard to think coherently. He couldn’t have been aware of her intentions, she concluded, because she hadn’t known herself, only making up her mind to come at the last minute. What to do? The congregation was slowly filing from the church, pausing to shake the Reverend Ingram’s hand and exchange a few words with him. She didn’t delude herself into supposing that her father would have left, and if she was alone she had less chance of avoiding him. Not that the crowd would help her much anyway. He was both her father and a senior cleric. No one would dare to question his authority over her—not here in the house of God.
Why didn’t you warn me sooner?
There was nothing you could have done.
It would have given me time to prepare.
I’ve told you before. Follow your instincts.
Easy for you to say.
I’ll blow his hat off for you if he becomes too agitated.
That will be a great help.
Flora wondered if her mental sarcasm would translate, but she had now almost reached the porch and had no further time to reflect. She squared her shoulders, as prepared as she would ever be to stand her ground in front of her dogmatic parent. The rain had lightened but had not stopped, and people paused to adjust their attire and put up umbrellas. Flora dutifully thanked Reverend Ingram for the service and then looked to his left, resigned to the fact that she would see her father standing beside him.
And there he was, as tall, erect and severe as ever.
‘What are you doing here, Father?’ she asked, ungraciously.
Reverend Ingram looked a little shocked by Flora’s acerbic tone, but wisely did not attempt to ease the tension with unnecessary chatter.
‘Church affairs brought me to the district, and I hoped to see you whilst I was here.’
‘And now you have.’
‘A word, if you please, Flora.’ He took her arm, but she shook him off, determined not to be trapped inside the now empty church with him. She stepped out into the rain, obliging her father to follow her.
‘I have nothing to say to you, so I regret that your journey has been wasted.’
‘Remember to whom you are speaking, Flora.’
‘I am hardly likely to forget, Father, but in threatening my employer in such an underhand manner you have lost all right to my duty and respect. I am going back to Beranger Court now. We shall not meet again.’
She heard Remus inside her head, applauding her decision to go on the offensive. It was such uncharacteristic behaviour in her dealings with her father, and it had clearly temporarily flummoxed him. Although it was almost dark, she could see that his pale cheeks had bloomed red as he snorted his breath through his nose like a horse, as was his custom when riled. But he quickly recovered and continued to lambast her.
‘It is clearer than ever to me now that you are living with aristocrats who have a duty to lead by example, but singularly fail to do so. Oh yes, I am well aware than none of them attended church today,’ he added, sending Flora a look of smug satisfaction. ‘At least you did, which is something in your favour. However, their behaviour reflects upon you, which in turn reflects upon me.’
‘Ah, so we get to the heart of the matter.’ Flora increased her pace, skirting some of the puddles but stepping into others when she didn’t see them in time. Her wet hem flapped around her ankles and a cold dampness penetrated her half-boots, but she was too angry to feel the discomfort, or to care about it. ‘This is not about your concern for me, but for your own reputation. Why does that not surprise me?’
‘Come back to Salisbury now, Flora.’ Her father used a persuasive tone that he had never felt the need to employ in his dealings with her before. He was more accustomed to issuing orders and expecting them to be obeyed unconditionally. ‘I have, I accept, misjudged you in the past. I have tried to make you into someone you are not, I can quite see that now. But in spite of all that, you are still a dutiful Christian who does not belong in this place.’
‘I beg to differ. I love it here. Life in Cathedral Close was joyless, Father. Joyless. Where in the bible does it say that a good Christian must also be dour, deprived of all enjoyment? Why would I return to such austerity when I have been generously embraced by one of the foremost families in the district?’ She continued walking at a brisk pace. ‘And why are you so keen to have me back when I am nothing more than a trial and disappointment…an embarrassment to you? An outspoken daughter who does not know her place? I simply don’t understand.’
‘You mother and sisters miss you,’ he same lamely.
Flora gave a derisive laugh. ‘They have none of them responded to my letters, so I stopped writing them.’
