Page 20 of A Sense of Turmoil
‘I’m so sorry, Lord Felsham,’ she sniffed. ‘I don’t know what came over me. I never cry as a general rule. It was frowned upon in my home.’
‘Archie. And it’s perfectly all right.’
‘No, it’s not all right. It’s not all right at all.’ Flora shook her head, acutely embarrassed by her loss of control. She could feel herself becoming agitated again and strove to rein in her turbulent emotions. ‘I wanted you to enjoy this excursion. It wasn’t my intention to land you with a hysterical female.’ She pulled his lawn handkerchief between her hands. ‘I am myself again now.’
‘Talk to me, Flora. Tell me what brought this on. I can see you are very distressed.’ He touched her cheek softly with the fingers of one hand, his sympathy making matters worse. ‘I am a good listener and impossible to shock. You have been so very kind to me. It would be my pleasure to repay that kindness in some small way.’
‘I don’t know what’s wrong. I have no reason to complain. My life has changed beyond all recognition since taking up my position with the countess. I have been happier here these past eighteen months than I have in the rest of my life.’ She sighed. ‘That sounds terribly self-centred—’
‘Something else that was not permitted in your childhood home, I dare say, but a perfectly natural reaction.’
‘The countess is dying and I can’t bear it,’ she said, conscious of tears streaming unchecked down her face.
‘She is a remarkable lady, but her time has come and she knows it. She’s ready, I think. I’ve looked death in the face myself, and I can tell you that the prospect isn’t that terrifying. ‘Sometimes,’ he said, staring off into the distance. ‘Often, when I never thought I would walk again, death seemed preferable. Besides, your faith should be a comfort. You know this is not the end for her, but the start of a new journey.’
She glanced up at him. ‘Do you really believe that?’
‘I really do.’
Flora gave a small nod. ‘Even so.’
‘What shall you do?’
She managed a watery smile. ‘People keep asking me that.’ She lifted a shoulder. ‘Find somewhere to live quietly. Somewhere where I can help people.’
‘You will not return to Salisbury?’
‘Heavens, no! Although, I worry that my father knows of the countess’s worsening health and will try to pressure me back into the fold. It doesn’t reflect well upon him to have an unmarried daughter striving for independence.’ She managed the suggestion of a smile. ‘But I won’t be controlled by him, not again. I have sufficient funds to live modestly on my own, and that is what I shall do.’
‘Have you told Luke of your plans?’
‘Luke?’ She blinked up at Archie. ‘I doubt whether he will be interested. Besides, he hasn’t asked.’
‘I thought you two were closer than that, and had no secrets.’
She gave a small snort. ‘I cannot imagine what gave you that idea.’
‘Forgive me if I’m trespassing upon personal territory, but I haven’t been able to help noticing since first seeing you and Luke together that you…well, harbour feelings for one another.’
Flora blushed to the roots of her hair as she waved the suggestion aside. ‘I am a pragmatist. Luke is expected to do a great deal better for himself than settling for someone with my humble origins,’ she said, not bothering to deny that Archie had got it right; at least insofar as her own feelings were concerned. She was less sure about Luke’s. ‘Only imagine how scandalised society would be.’
Archie smiled. ‘I barely can.’
‘Besides, Luke doesn’t accept me for who I am.’
‘Good heavens! Whatever does that mean?’
‘You would best ask him. He is your friend.’ She let out a long breath. ‘I believe that Luke has settled his interest upon Miss Fleming, and when they announce their engagement, I shall be the first to wish him joy.’
‘Has he told you that?’
She hesitated. ‘Not in so many words.’
‘What is it that you are not telling me, Flora?’ Archie asked, frowning.
‘We are all entitled to our secrets. Even us lowly servants.’
Archie choked on a laugh. ‘There is nothing lowly about you, and if Luke can’t see that then he’s a blind idiot!’
