Page 82 of Play the Game
“Seriously, that’s some smash the patriarchy shit.” Amelia unwraps her Fireball and bumps my shoulder with hers, grinning at me.
I shrug, leaning back on the couch. “Yeah, well, like, fuck the patriarchy. Extremely disrespectfully.”
“Damn straight,” Pam says, strolling into her living room and setting an excellent looking appetizer platter on the coffee table. “What did the patriarchy do today?” she asks as she settles into her chair across from the couch where I sit with Jo, Hannah, and Amelia. It’s book club night at the Wyles house, which I’mquickly learning is actually eat all the snacks, recap all the gossip, and talk about absolutely no books night.
Ordinarily on a Tuesday at six p.m., I would be at work with absolutely no plans to leave for hours, but when Amelia, Jo, and Hannah literally showed up at my office to convince me to come and Cooper just grinned, kissed me, dropped a handful of cherry Jolly Ranchers into my bag, handed me a big tumbler full of ice cold cherry seltzer, and saidGo have some fun, Rhodes, I couldn’t think of a single reason not to.
I reach for an eggroll and dunk it in duck sauce, thinking that I barely even recognize myself anymore.
I think I might like it.
“The partner Evan works for tried to pretend he didn’t know she sent him something she absolutely sent him, but our girl is a straight up queen because she told him she put a read receipt on his email and called him right out.” Jo grins broadly at me. “After he was a fucking asshole about her being pregnant.”
“You told work?” Pam asks. “I know you were worried about how that would go.”
“How do you know that?” The words are barely out of my mouth before I realize I shouldn’t ask anyone in this family how they know anything they know.
Pam shrugs, reaching forward to grab a mini hot dog off the tray. “Call it a mother’s intuition.”
“Can you have mother’s intuition about someone you aren’t a mother to?” I ask, ignoring the warmth I feel at her words.
Pam just smiles. “Honey, I might not be your actual mother, but you’re mine just the same way these three are.” She waves a hand at Jo, Amelia, and Hannah. “You’re carrying my first grandchild, and you love my son. All of that means you belong to me.”
I practically choke on my sip of cherry seltzer at her words, which are eerily similar to the thoughts that have been running through my head for the last two weeks since the day Cooper and I skipped work to play in Boston instead. “I don’t love Cooper.”
Pam gives me the look equivalent of patting my head and sayingbless your heart. “Of course you don’t.”
I shake my head. “It’s not like that. I swear. We had one night of pure temporary insanity, and it ended up leading to something that ties us together in a pretty permanent way. I didn’t feel well for a long time, and he took really good care of me, and he always seems to know what I need. He makes me laugh and he makes me feel seen in a way that no one ever really has before. He makes me want to figure him out too, so I can make him feel like I see him the same way he sees me. When I’m with him, the idea of being pregnant and thinking about what the fuck I’m going to do with a baby feels less scary and maybe, possibly, like something I could do but only if he does it with me. Because he just has this way about him, you know? Like when he’s next to me and holding my hand, my brain is quiet in a way it never, ever is. My heart beats slower, and I breathe deeper. When I’m with him, I feel like I don’t have to be Evan Rhodes, the ambitious lawyer trying to smash glass ceilings and make partner against all odds who’s always looking for the next way to succeed. When I’m with him, I can just be me, and it turns out I really like that person and I—” I break off, slamming my mouth shut and sucking in a shellshocked breath when I realize what just spilled out of my mouth.
“Shit,” I mutter, leaning my head back against the couch and closing my eyes, my stomach swirling with something that isn’t quite anxiety and isn’t quite panic, but it’s something close. “I fucking love him. Goddammit.”
“Well of course you do, honey. That was one hell of a love confession.”
My eyes fly open to see Cece, who must have snuck into the living room in the middle of my rant, standing next to Pam’s chair with her arms crossed over her chest and a satisfied smile on her face. The other four women beam at me like fucking sunshine. “Sorry. I think I might have just blacked out for a second. I didn’t mean to say all of that.”
Pam leans forward, her elbows on her knees, sincerity written all over her face. “Don’t ever apologize for saying wonderful things about one of my children. Or for needing a minute to get your head around how you’re feeling. You’re going through a lot right now. You take all the time you need to figure it out.”
“But in the meantime, oh my god, you love Cooper and we love you and we’re all living happily ever after and what even is this life?” Jo says, her voice full of excitement. She reaches across Amelia and grabs my hand, squeezing tight. Her joy is contagious, and it has my stomach unknotting enough to take a full breath, the tight line of my shoulders relaxing.
“It took me some time to accept my feelings for Noah, too,” Hannah says, taking my other hand.
I turn to her, and she’s looking at me with understanding. “Seriously?” I ask. “I’ve never seen two people so obsessed with each other.”
She laughs, taking a sip of her drink. “It wasn’t always like that. Noah was obsessed immediately because that’s just the way he is. He loves fast and all the way out loud. It’s the best thing about him. But I had recently gotten out of a bad relationship and had awful writer’s block, and I wasn’t in the greatest place.”
“So how did you end up here?”
Hannah looks down at her wedding ring, soft smile on her face. “Noah happened. He just got me. He somehow knew exactly when to hold back and when to push me a little. He listened to me, and he was just…there. He was patient and kind and unwavering in his support. He slipped right past all my defenses, and before I understood exactly what was happening, I was face first in love with him, and it was as easy as breathing. It feels like it was always supposed to be this way.”
I can’t help but smile at the way she describes Noah, and then Cooper’s deep blue eyes and knowing grin flash through my mind because the way Hannah talks, it’s as if she plucked the words right out of my brain.
“They’re special,” Amelia says quietly. “All four of them. There is no one like them in the world. They love so well and so completely, it’s like the sun beaming in and lighting up all your dark spaces. It’s a safe and solid love that wraps itself around you until you can’t understand how you lived without it all this time, and every day is your happiest day because this is the kind of love that lasts lifetimes. It’s the kind of love we read about in books, except it’s not words on a page. It’s real and true and it’s ours.”
I look up when Pam sniffles, and I must tense at her tears because Jo chuckles and pats my leg. “Don’t worry about that. When there’s a choice between crying and not crying, Pam is crying for sure.”
“Well can you blame me?” Pam asks on a watery laugh. “When someone says something like that about my sons, I get to cry.” She glances at the row of us, eyes filled with an emotion that has my chest tightening. “I always wondered about the kinds of people my boys would fall in love with, and in my wildest dreams I never imagined I could love those people as much as I love the four of you. I love you because you love my boys, and I love you because you are kind, brilliant, complex, amazing women who I am proud to call daughters and friends.”
I open my mouth to speak, but Cece cuts me off with an amused look. “Don’t bother saying Cooper doesn’t love you because of course he does. He hasn’t said it, and maybe he doesn’t quite understand it yet, but he loves you deeply. Wyles boys love hard, and they love forever. Like Pammy said, you take all the time you need because Cooper isn’t going anywhere.”
