Page 13 of Lessons in Falling
Even when I was drowning in guilt, I couldn’t help but smile.
The second they turned around and disappeared into the familiar bustle of the Isleton boardwalk on a Sunday afternoon, the corners of my mouth dropped, though.Thanks for… literally nothing.I glanced at the man beside me, shoving my guilty conscience into my back pocket.
Caden held the door to the shop open, waited until I stepped inside, and followed.Can you blame a man who loves books for wanting to go to a bookstore?he asked, the bell above thedoor ringing a second time.And can you blame any man at all, for wanting to spend time with you?
I snickered, but gave Anthony behind the counter a warm smile.My voice lowered when I hissed in Caden’s direction,Yes.If the man knows I’m not going to sleep with him.
Which made him snicker.Contrary to popular belief, Valentina, I am capable of being friends with the opposite gender.Do you need references to believe me?I could give you their numbers—I’m sure they’d love to tell you all about it.Caden Callahan is an amazing friend and has never tried to sleep with me.Ten out of ten.Great company, too.
And that’s what you want us to be?I asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow as I disappeared into an aisle.He followed.Friends?
Caden tilted his head, and I used the few seconds of silence between us to look at him, sun peeking through the dusty windows of the shop behind him.His blond buzzcut, blue eyes, cheeks and nose a little reddened from the sun.Not necessarily,he said, honestly and not at all embarrassed about it.The nonchalance in his voice mademeblush, for some reason.But I respect your boundaries.And wearesharing a room for a considerable amount of time.So, yes, maybe I think we should be friends.It’s the very least we should be.For the sake of this trip.He blinked at me.For the sake of anyone else on this tripwithus.
Of course, he couldn’t knoweveryone else on this trip with uswas the reason I was acting this unreasonably in the first place.That I didn’t think I could do the whole friends thing with Caden, without eventually wanting to do the whole benefits thing, too.
Which I couldn’t do without breaking the one rule my best friend cared about.
All I had to remember was Iris’ face when she’d told us about what had happened with her ex and their friends.How almost four years ago, we’d sat around a bonfire, and she’d told us the tragic tale: her high school sweetheart breaking up with her.Their friends, slowly drawing away from her.Telling her they were busy when she was heartbroken and grieving, then seeing all of them hanging out together, including her ex.
How she hadn’t just lost the love of her life (who’d turned out to be a loser) that day, but all of her friends, too.
TheNo-Fraternization-Rulewasn’t just a stupid inside joke to Iris.It meant something to her, and so it meant something to me.And surely I could avoid some guy I seemed to have spectacular chemistry with if it meant not breaking my best friend’s trust—even if said spectacular-chemistry-guy and I shared a room.
Caden and Icouldn’tbe friends.Ironically, that had been off the table the second Iris had ceremoniously declared him our friend over breakfast.He just didn’t know that.
Standing at the other end of the short aisle, books left and right of us, he honest-to-God looked a little hopeful.Like he’d finally found a way to bury the hatchet I’d put between us.I felt bad—not just a little—when I simply turned around and disappeared into the romance section, leaving him standing somewhere between self-help and cookbooks without an answer.
I had never been in the position to make someone dislike me before.Usually, I worked overtime to get every single person in my vicinity to love me.But if Caden wanted to be my friend so badly, I’d simply have to convince him otherwise.
Show him my worst side: the one that didn’t put others’ feelings before her own, didn’t always smile to keep up the mood, sacrificed her own plans to make sure everyone else was enjoying themselves, and didn’t always give and give and give.
Coincidentally, that had been the plan for the summer, anyway.And this way, Caden could simply be my guinea pig; I’d get to be selfish around him, put myself first the way my bucket list intended, and I didn’t even need to be worried about repercussions, because I didn’t want him to like me in the first place.
It was perfect.
A sense of peace settled as my plan fell into place.Like I’d averted a crisis before it had fully turned into one.By day three, at the latest, he’d be fed up with my act enough to leave me alone of his own accord—move into the attic by his own free-will, only to escape me.
No one really stuck around if you didn’t give them your best, right?Best grades, prettiest smile, funniest jokes.
So, as I traced the pastel-colored spines in the romance section—some books I’d read, others I’d been dying to—studied blurbs of mysteries, and marveled at fantasy covers, I tried my very hardest not think about Caden waiting on me to finish.
That’s what I’d just decided on, right?Putting myself first.
But despite my incessant need to ignore him, he was like a lingering shadow.Didn’t speak, didn’t even hover close by, but I could feel him—around the corner or behind the shelves, head buried in a novel.Every now and then, my gaze unexpectedly met his, and he’d give me a small smile before turning his attention back to the book in his hand.
And something plummeted into the pit of my stomach every time.
CHAPTER 6
CADEN
If there was one thing I’d be impressed with by the end of this trip, it would be this group’s tolerance for alcohol.While they’d still been wildly complaining about their throbbing head and toe-curling nausea five hours ago, they now sat by the pool with a glass of white wine in hand.
Alfie’s skin was almost as red as his hair at this point, despite the layers of sunscreen I’d seen him slap on this morning.It was fine, though, he assured me.It would turn into a tan in no time.
It seemed impossible, but Valentina’s red-white checkered bikini was already showing off her tan lines impressively well.Which were obviously the only thing I was admiring.The tan lines.Not her curves.Not her breasts.Definitely not her—
You want her.Beside me, Mike sat and slipped his feet into the pool.My thoughts were cut short, and I should probably thank him for that.
