Page 16 of Lessons in Falling
Despite my efforts, I was still too late.I could tell.
By the way he leaned against the ladder of the bed, smile on his lips like he’d known I’d be back, and like he’d been waiting for me, wondering just how long it would take to realize my mistake.Turned out: one minute.His hands were clasped behind his back, and I could only guess what he held in them.
My mind took stock of every single embarrassing thing I’d put on that list.Skinny dipping.Sex on the beach.If possible, the color in my cheeks got worse.
I kept my mouth shut when I dumped my blanket and closed the door.And I did not take my eyes off him when I took a single step further into the room.I hoped it was at least a little intimidating.I don’t think it was.The smile on his lips grew, like he’d just been let in on a secret.Then, from behind his back, he held the book out to me.Forgot something?he asked sweetly, tilting his head.Inviting me in, to come and get what was rightfully mine.
I wish I could say I didn’t fall for it.
My strides were forceful and long, and it barely took five until I stood right in front of him, once again way too close for comfort; a situation we kept finding ourselves in.Unfortunately, the second I reached for the notebook, the hand holding it stretched upward, casually keeping it out of reach.
Bastard, I thought.Then realized I could say it, too, and did.Caden only snickered, half-amused, half-surprised.Tell me, Valentina,he drawled, and my stomach dropped.Anotherrush of heat climbed up my spine when I was sure he was going to bring up item number seven: the sex thing.
But he did not.
I know what moonwalking is.But what the fuck isfullmoonwalking?He pulled a face.Is it like an extra step only real Michael Jackson fans know?Which would lead to my next question: areyoua real Michael Jackson fan?Are you trying to become one?Why?
I blinked at him.Why on earth was he talking about Michael Jackson?What?
It says right here,he explained.Above his head, he opened the notebook onto the first page (in hindsight I should’ve put the list somewhere in the middle of it), and tapped on item number three.I wondered if he might’ve been so baffled by what he’d interpreted as a dance move on my list, that he didn’t even read the points below it.It was some glimmer of hope I held onto as he continued.Full.Moon.Walk,he read, slowly.
Despite the precarious situation I’d found myself in (being this close to him again, detecting the fresh scent of his body wash, noticing the single drop of water running down his chest, which was still bare), I laughed.Or, well, snorted loudly in amusement—which was almost the same thing.
He seemed offended.What?!
It’s not—I shook my head with another laugh.A walk.During a full moon,I explained.His confusion was kind of… endearing, I guess?At least it was something other than that mask of confidence he wore.What about that list made you think my priority this summer would be learning how tomoonwalk?
Literally nothing.Caden’s blue eyes narrowed before something in his expression lightened, and I was back on high alert.It did seem weird.Imitating Michael Jackson on the same list as sex on the beach.
So he had read the whole list—great.Whatever trace of amusement in my features was gone.I liked that you specified, by the way.In case you forget you didn’t mean ordering a cocktail.
Which was exactly when I gave up.The tension in my body dissipated, and I deflated like an old balloon.Alright, fun’s over,I deadpanned.You can give it back now.My eyes flicked from his face to the notebook high up in the air above us.Wasn’t his arm starting to hurt?
Aw,he cooed.Already?He did not lower the book, and I didn’t feel like humiliating myself further by trying to reach it.I wasn’t necessarily short, but hewastall.
I sighed, and a note of warning lingered in my voice when I said,Caden.
His smile deepened.Valentina,he sing-songed.
My groan was loud and unapologetic—and made him smile even wider.
I could abandon the notebook, if I had to.Copy the list to my phone and never again think of the fact that Caden had the original.But abandoning the first thing I’d done for myself felt objectively wrong, so I heard myself ask,What do you want?
For this?he waved the book around, and the sound of his playful hum filled the room.It seemed awfully clear he’d had something in mind way before I’d actually asked, so I didn’t know why he bothered pretending to think about it.Howabout,he finally said.You tell me what your problem is?What did I do to make you hate me?
What I really hated was how sincere he sounded.Like he’d been dying to ask, and dying to know.
I considered Caden in the low light of the room.His pink lips, dark eyebrows drawn together just slightly.Those blue eyes resting patiently on me, blinking slowly as he waited for an answer I knew wouldn’t come.
If I confessed that all that was keeping me away from him was a flimsy pact made years ago, I doubted he’d hold back his advances as much as he had been.I doubted he’d understand that it wasn’t just a stupid rule, and that for Iris, there was trauma and feelings attached to the entire ordeal.
Then, if he wasn’t holding back, I’d give myself a week beforeIcouldn’t hold back anymore, either.It was already hard enough now.
When he was standing as close as this.Arm stretched upward, defined muscles strained.His bare chest almost touching mine.It was probably delusion, but I felt the air radiating off him.The smell of his shampoo lingered between us, and almost made me want to throw the NFR to hell.
And the way he was still patiently looking at me gave me the rest, I think.
I abandoned the notebook.I left Caden standing there, arm in the air, and turned on my heels.Gathered my blanket into my arms again, held it tightly against my chest, and made a run for it.Or tried to, at least.
