Page 24 of Lessons in Falling
But perhaps getting this out—this incessant, continuous need for him—would help.Would let me get over whatever it was that made my eyes follow him whenever he crossed a room, and had had me end up here, in the first place.Maybe if I’d just do it once, I could stop thinking about doing it every time I saw him.
I could stop feeling bad about every time my thoughts were leading me down this exact path; if I just did it now, and got it over with.We always wanted what we couldn’t have.So having him, technically speaking, should make me stop wanting him.
Caden—
I know, I know.He took a step back, and I panicked.I didn’t know what I was doing until I felt myself follow his lead.His brows furrowed.I know we shouldn’t do this.I don’t knowwhy, but I know that.Don’t worry—
You’re right,I said, then took another step forward.He blinked down at me, motionless.I thought he might be holding his breath until he tilted his head.
I’m right,he repeated, as if to affirm it to himself.And yet you’re still here.With here, he didn’t mean this cliff, although he might as well have.He meanthere, in his orbit.Chest almost touching his, hands inches from interlacing with each other.
I swallowed thickly as I nodded.Yeah.At this point my voice was barely above a whisper.We shouldn’t do this.But maybe we have to.You know?I traced a single finger up his chest, and he froze under the touch.
Do I?Know?
Well.I shrugged, hoping to get my nerves under control.
I’d kissed enough guys that I shouldn’t have felt nervous about this.I’d kissed this particular guy before, and I hadn’t been nervous then, either.I guess I’d just never kissed a guy while knowing it kind of meant I was betraying my best friend.
I hesitated.Licked my lips and discreetly wiped my sweaty palms on my clothes.My logic was flawed, but itdidmake sense.And now, standing this close to him, it felt like there was no way back.
So I stopped thinking, and just went for it.Whatever would come out of my mouth first.No second-guessing.No over-thinking.
I don’t know about you, but I can’t look at you without remembering how you taste.
And I can’t believe I just said that.
Valentina,Caden warned, my neck craned upward to keep my eyes on his.Don’t say that if you don’t mean it.I can’t—
I do.I interrupted him.I do mean it.I think we should just get it over with.Get it out of our system.If you feel the same—
I swallowed the rest of my words when his lips landed on mine.And his hands were in my hair, then on my waist, then cupping my ass—like he wasn’t quite sure where to place them first, only that he didn’t want to miss any part of me.In case I’d regain my ability to think logically and stop this, maybe?But I’d lost that ability.Right around the time he’d groaned against my lips.
It must’ve looked ridiculous.Two people in unflattering workout clothes, standing on top of a lonely cliff, eating each other.Basically, anyway.
My hands ran through his short hair, and he whispered something against my lips that sounded dangerously close to a plea.I couldn’t make it out, but his next words were clearer.
I really wish,he began.By now, he’d walked me backward against the bench.I leaned against it, and his body pressed mine further into the wood.It should’ve been uncomfortable, but there wasn’t a single part of me that cared about anything but the way he tasted, felt, sounded.I wish you would’ve changed your mind somewhere else.Closer to civilization, preferably.Where I wouldn’t have to consider the possibility of taking you right here, right now.It’s unbecoming.
Despite every urge his words brought up, I managed to get some distance between us.My lips were no longer on his, and his hands fell from my hair back to my waist.A sound of disapproval left him at the distance.What’s unbecoming?I asked, breath labored, eyes wide, hands still locked behind his neck.
My desperation.How much I want you.
You don’t usually consider fucking your conquests on a bench overlooking the ocean?If I’d cared about his opinion of me, I wouldn’t have said it so… candidly.But I didn’t want Caden to like me.In fact, I still needed him to dislike me after this—if I wanted to successfully stay away from him.
He huffed, the sound somewhere between a laugh and a groan, and kissed me again, despite the distance I’d broughtbetween us.Apparently I’d never wanted them enough, no.Would you say I’ve conquered you, then?
His kisses moved from my lips to my neck, and I vehemently shook my head.No,I moaned.I was surprised by the sound myself.Caden hummed against my skin, I could feel the smile on his face.It takes a lot more to conquer me than a good kiss, Callahan.
But I wasn’t all that sure about it anymore.
CHAPTER 13
CADEN
Getting it out of our system.What a stupid, stupid idea, Valentina.Kissing her again was like shooting her straightintoit.She’d been on my mind before, and my body certainly had had a reaction to her, yes, but now she was back.I remembered exactly what she smelled and tasted like, and like an addict gone cold-turkey, I craved it.Her.
We had walked back to Alfie’s completely silent.No eye contact.In fact, I’m pretty sure she was purposely looking anywhere else.
