Page 37 of Lessons in Falling
To which I’d said,I don’t, though.
Aw,I cooed, caught up with her, and adopted her pace.She was walking almost as fast as she’d been running the other day.Why do you say that?A deal’s a deal, I thought.
Because you threatened me!She cried, outraged.In the middle of the road, she screeched to a halt.Turned to look at me.Because you didn’t say a word to me all day.Something in her expression softened, almost like she felt bad for saying,Because you saw me with another guy.
I huffed, honestly a little offended.If you think I feel threatened every time my girl talks to another man, I’m hurt.Go have your fun with Finnick, I’m not worried.
Only that the feeling in my gut when I’d seen them together was new.I hadn’t felt threatened, that much was still true.But I couldn’t deny I hadn’t been worried, either.At least Valentina liked the guy.She was still acting like she despised me, and I’d never had to deal with that before.
Yourgirl?The amusement in her tone drew me out of mythoughts, only realizing my mistake right then, when she’d already picked up on it.What makes you think I’m yours, Callahan?
Nothing.Nothing at all but wishful thinking.
Which I couldn’t say, obviously.
I shrugged.The way you came around my fingers last night.That you probably wouldn’t be opposed to doing it again.
Her head shot in my direction, cheeks flushed.She glared at me regardless.Youthreatenedme,she repeated, much quieter—not sounding all that angry anymore.
Maybe that was the only anchor point for her, even if I hadn’t meant it.Even if it had happened out of sheer panic, and I hadn’t planned on threatening her.The plan had just been to make one thing very clear: she couldn’t tell a soul about Anova.And I’d accidentally overplayed my role.
But she couldn’t know that, and if she just told herself how awful I was, over and over again, maybe she wouldn’t want to repeat last night.By the look on her face, how she swallowed hard and her eyes traced my lips, she wasn’t succeeding.
And she doesn’t even try to deny it.I hummed, and continued walking.Relief settled in my chest when she followed,Howwasyour date, by the way?
She groaned, but answered.A win was a win.Good.
Think you’ll tick any more things off your list soon?I made sure that mask of indifference on my face stayed put.Please say no, please say no, please say no, a voice in my head chanted in stark contrast to it.
The plan is to tick all of them off by the end of summer,she reminded, voice drenched in lazy irony.She was relaxing beside me, and perhaps, with patience, I could still get her toenjoy this.The last thing I’d want was to ruin her summer plans, and that list was a big part of them.Sheshouldbe enjoying this—just not by herself, in the middle of nowhere.
With Finnick?
Valentina snickered.Almost laughed, I think.With anyone who doesn’t threaten to tell on me like we’re five years old.
And it kind of just burst out of me.Out of guilt, maybe.Or simply because I didn’t want her to have that reason to stay away from me anymore.
My sister is the reason I still play soccer.And this much Valentina already knew—at least somewhat.By the fire, I said I wouldn’t know if I’d still be playing if it wasn’t for her.That was a lie.In my periphery, I could see her gaze lifting, studying my profile in the bright, cool moonlight.I looked ahead.IknowI wouldn’t be.I don’t really want to anymore.But it just feels wrong—giving it up.You know?
She hummed in understanding, and I was kind of glad it was her only response.If I’d told Dylan or Blake or—God forbid—Mike, I’d have heard a thousand opinions by now, and a hundred useless solutions to my nonexistent problem.Valentina just listened, like she wanted to hear what I had to say, instead of just responding.
I felt bad enough justapplyingto Anova.Then they called me back for a second round of interviews, and I felt like I’d spat on my sister’s grave.By the fourth round, I felt so… guilty, I didn’t even know where to put it all.So, when Mike asked if I wanted to take over his position—captaining the HBU soccer team—of course I said yes.What else could I have done?Decline, and officially flush Alison’s dream down the toilet?I couldn’t.
I took a deep breath, head shaking.I just couldn’t.I hadn’t heard from Anova since accepting that captain-thing, and everything seemed to go back to normal.I got into the grad program, Mike was on my ass over soccer.Now I’m here, supposed to be getting back on my A-game.Everything wasgood.Like she would’ve wanted.And then—
You got the job offer,she figured, her first words since my outburst.I nodded.
If Mike found out I’m applying for jobs…Jesus, he’d probably kick me out—never mind keeping me on as captain.He’d take it away from her, and I can’t have that.That guy freaks out when you miss practice to take an exam.I don’t think he’d be happy, knowing soccer isn’t my first and only plan.If he knew I was considering other options, that would be it.
Hence the threatening.
Hence the threatening,I agreed, and finally managed to look at her.The glance we shared made both of us stop, without a single word exchanged.Valentina considered me—my tense posture, bottom lip between my teeth, brows drawn together tightly—and she fell against my chest.
She wrapped her arms around my torso, head buried in my shirt, squeezing tightly.I couldn’t remember the last time I’d hugged someone—Mom, maybe?—but my arms found themselves around her shoulders regardless.
Her embrace was warm, welcoming.Despite the inches she was missing on my height, it felt safe.The vanilla scent of her shampoo crept up my nose, her breaths even against my chest, and I sighed.Exhaled, and relaxed in sync with it.
What are you gonna do?she asked, voice muffled.About Anova?To look at me, she brought some distance betweenus, but her touch lingered, like she didn’t really want to let go.
