Page 47 of Lessons in Falling
Mike’s eyes flicked back and forth between us, and I tried to ignore it.Iris, still giggling, pulled out her phone and swiped to the camera.Triumphantly, she showed Caden his own reflection.Getting drinksmy ass!Who did you just hook up with?!she asked, looking around the bar frantically.Thankfully, that meant she wasn’t suspecting me, at least.
Again, that made it worse, somehow.
Oh,he said, with a lightness and amusement in his voice I couldn’t have faked.He scratched his neck, presumably to smear the crystal-clear shape of my lips.Then, he tutted,I don’t kiss and tell, Iris.
I just hoped he’d stick to that.
CHAPTER 23
CADEN
There’d been other close calls with Valentina since that night at Blitz.
Mostly because she was such a great distraction, and I needed a lot of that at the moment.Whenever my thoughts threatened to linger on that unanswered Anova offer in my inbox, I sought her out.
In the kitchen, when we thought no one else was in the house—and we’d only realized we’d been wrong because Mike stomped downstairs like he weighs five hundred pounds.When she’d been on top of me in my bunk, and Alfie thought it would be fun to ding-dong-ditch our room—Valentina had flown off my lap so fast, she hit her head on the desk opposite our bed.Another time, when we’d all been playing cards outside, and Valentina had been out first, so bored she’d fallen asleep against my shoulder, drool down her chin and everything.Back in our room, I’d kissed her into oblivion, and mercilessly teased her for the stain on my hoodie.We’d forgotten to close the door behind us.
All in all, we’d gotten less careful, and more needy.Which was a dangerous combination, she knew that just as well as I did, and it was probably why she was in the bunk over mine, and not just next to me.
You’ve been quiet,she noted from above me.Everything alright?There was something in her tone I didn’t quite recognize.Concern?Interest?Kindness?In the four weeks we’d been here, the only side she’d shown me was the one that pretendednotto like me.
Laying on my back, my head shook, although she couldn’t see.This is just by far not my best experience with you on top,I tried to joke.
She laughed, and I could tell by the way her voice hitched half-way through the sound, she was rolling her eyes.Then, she playfully hit her mattress, and it would’ve probably been my shoulder or arm or thigh, if I’d been next to her.
Not just now,she snickered.Today.And yesterday.Seems like you’ve got something on your mind.
Yeah, a yearly salary of two hundred-thousand American dollars.
And since when do you worry about the quality of my day?I didn’t mean to sound as snappy as I did.It was supposed to be another joke that would keep us from actually talking about my feelings, but my tone was all off.
To my surprise, she answered sincerely.I’m not sure,she said.Since that night you tickled my back, maybe?For a solid thirty minutes, and I’d have done it sixty more if she hadn’t gone completely rigid from one second to the other, then bolted to the bunk above mine.It had taken her an hour to fall asleep.
I sighed.Her truth made me want to level the playing field.Anova sent me another offer.The words came out so fast, I wasn’t quite sure if she caught it all.
And, of course,she said, with sarcastic disbelief in her tone.Somehow, this is a bad thing.
Awful,I agreed.
I don’t understand you, Callahan.She shifted above me, and I found myself holding my breath to hear what she’d say next.You tell me I should live for myself, then you throw opportunities away for something you don’t even want—
Ali was diagnosed when she was six.I wasn’t quite sure wherethatcame from, but I went on.She was the happiest baby I knew, honestly.She never cried, she never complained.She ate whatever Mom put on her plate—vegetables and everything.I blinked rapidly, then decided to just close my eyes.“You’d think once she was told she had leukemia, that would change, but it didn’t.She cheered me on from the sidelines just as enthusiastically—probably more enthusiastically, the older she got.Like she didn’t care at all about the fact that she might die.
I started working a lot.Three part-time jobs to save for medical expenses.My parents weren’t well-off so we didn’t have great healthcare, and our college funds ran out a year into her treatment.Two years later, there was this new, experimental way to target blood cancer even in critical stages like hers, and I probably slept a total of three hours a night, for about six months, trying to make enough money to get us on the eligibility list.I had it, really.I wasnearlythere.Ali died that month.”
I paused, let that reality settle.It still hurt the same way it did seven years ago.I still remembered it the same way, too.
Caden thought she would die at home.They had prepared for Alison’s transfer from the CCC back into her bedroom next week, and the doctors had said it would be enough time.She’d still have a few weeks at home.A month, even.Two.
She would not.
He’d expected it to be quick and messy and unbelievably horrible–limbs twitching, heavy breathing, screams and tears and his mother passing out beside the hospital bed.He’d never seen anyone die, so he wouldn’t know.
But Alison had fallen asleep a few hours ago, her tiny hand in his, holding tightly, still breathing as normally as someone who’d die soon, and there was no sign that said she’d never open her eyes again.
Caden just knew.
The way he’d known her favorite songs and what she’d want for dinner and when to stop tickling her before she got seriously annoyed–andwouldfight back.
