Page 50 of Lessons in Falling
Not being able to have you.Wanting you so much, and knowing I cannot have you.Knowing that, if it came down to it, I’d choose my friends over a man any day of the week.Even if that man was Caden, and I was really starting to like him.
None of what you say makes sense,he said, but he didn’t sound angry.He didn’t give me time to explain, either.But it’s okay.It doesn’t have to.Just tell me what you want now, sweetheart, and I’ll give it to you.He turned us, swiftly and without much fuss.When I looked up at him, eyes wide, he only smiled.
My chest was heaving underneath his, breath uneven and messy.What if it’s the moon and the stars?
I’ll get those, too.I’ll find a way.
But I shook my head, tried to ignore the way his words tugged at my heartstrings.Squeezed the whole damn thing tightly in my chest.Just you,I said, almost pleading.With him and myself.I just want you.
So you’ll have me.It’s that easy.
The way he kissed me was different.Like a promise, and a plea.For what, I wasn’t sure.The weight of him settled between my legs, my knees angled on either side of his body.It was addictive, the way his tongue danced with mine, the sounds he breathed into my mouth, the way he buckled under my touch.
What used to be a neatly shaved buzzcut had turned into hair just long enough to run my fingers through, and he groaned against my lips again, then trailed his kisses to my neck, sucking and nibbling and coaxing the same sounds out of me.
You taste so good,he muttered, took a deep breath, head still buried in the crook of my neck.Smell so sweet.Like vanilla and candy.
My back arched at his efforts against my neck, or his words, or just him, groaning against me.I wondered if he was thinking about how good he’d feel buried deep inside of me, too.
And like he was, he confessed,I want you.Ineedyou.
I chuckled, threw my head back in a laugh and a moan and disbelief.Can you read my mind, Callahan?Is that why you’ve been so good?
He emerged from the depths of my neck to look at me, a playful grin on his lips.The moon illuminated his face just enough to make out his rugged nose, the thick eyebrows.The blue of his eyes was less intense, but still there.Deep and dark and perfect to get lost in—hoping to find some spark of its actual color in the moonlight.
Why?he asked teasingly, and his fingers trailed down my chest, stomach, hips.Played with the hem of my shirt.I squirmed under his gentle touch, still dampened by the fabric separating us.Are you thinking about my head between your thighs, too?Or are you just wondering how long it’ll be until I’m finally inside of you?
His hand dipped lower again, below my shirt and to the waistband of my panties.Black and lacy, but it hardly mattered—they were off in seconds.In a skillful motion, he slid them down my legs and nudged the fabric of my shirt up with his head.Simultaneously, I felt his teeth scrape my nipples and the breeze against my core.
Yes,I moaned.No sense in anything but the truth, I thought as my back arched off the blanket below us.I need to feel you, Caden.
He hummed against my skin, a groan of approval, and it sent shivers down my spine.You moan my name like that again—
He kissed his way up my body, until his face hovered above mine again.Until we looked each other in the eyes, and he said,I’m afraid I’ll come right there and then.It was a fact, that’s how he’d stated it.No embarrassment, no shame—just the truth of the matter whispered onto my lips.
It was a rush, knowing what I did to him without much effort.Better hurry then, before the fun’s over.Caden,I added.
He ground his hips against mine, and we both moaned at the contact.God, you are so lucky,he began.That I had the foresight to bring one of these.Out of the waistband of his boxers, he pulled a condom.
Despite taking birth control, that shouldn’t have been the last thing on my mind.But I could barely think at all, never mind be asked to stay reasonable.
My hero,I muttered, and kissed his neck, shoulder, chest— anything I could reach while he took his shirt and briefs off, then carelessly threw them in the sand.
I looked up at him, sitting on his knees.A cloud passed in front of the moon, and I could barely make him out; theway he pumped his cock once, twice, then threw his head back before he managed to concentrate on the task at hand again.
I think, honestly, I could’ve just watched him.I could’ve just watched a barely-there silhouette of Caden jerk off on a lonely beach in the middle of the night, and it would’ve done it for me—simply because it was him.But he ripped the package open, slid the condom on, and when our eyes connected again, anticipation threatened to tie a knot around my throat.My breath hitched.
Am I still reading your mind?he asked, attention on me again.I’d leaned back against my elbows, watching as he crawled over me.All I could do was nod.Do you still want me?Right here?A finger teased where I needed him most and he groaned at first contact, the same way I writhed against his touch with a whine.Fuck—he cursed.You’re so ready for me, aren’t you?Talk to me, baby,he added when I, again, could only nod, lips parted in a soundless moan.
Please,I managed to squeeze out, and one could hardly classify it as talking, to be honest.I moaned, maybe.I groaned and pleaded, maybe.But I wasn’t talking to him.This wasn’t a fair conversation, because suddenly I could feel his tip against me.Please.Please,I repeated.
He groaned a laugh against my lips, aligned with his again.Yeah?he asked, pushed into me, barely an inch.When my hips arched against him, he pulled back.
Where was he getting this self-control from?
Caden tutted playfully, the smile on his lips dark and devious.So impatient,he teased, kissed me, and pushed another inch forward—still not enough.At all.My whine said as much.We’ve been working toward this for a month, Val.Shouldn’t we enjoy it?
Just that it wasn’t enjoyable at all.That the seams of my anticipation were about to burst, that my need to feel him fill me completely was so strong, my fingertips tingled and my head was buzzing.
