Page 54 of Lessons in Falling
Her lips quirked, then her eyes rolled, then she hit my chest playfully.Don’t try to change the subject,she scolded, half-heartedly.Somehow, my hands had landed on her hips.
Sorry,I said.What did you say?Valentina sat on top of me, nothing but her panties and my boxer briefs separating us, and I was only a man, after all.More helpless than most others when I was in her presence.
She snickered, got closer regardless.Her red hair fell into her face when she leaned toward me, over me, until her face hovered in front of mine.You deserve to live the lifeyouwant, Caden.If I’m supposed to focus more on what I want, you should do what you want, too.
I don’t know,I muttered, half a mind on her, the other on soccer-captain duties and the Anova offer, still unanswered in my inbox.What I want, I mean.I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.And there was something in the way my voice broke that I didn’t recognize.Vulnerability, maybe?Desperation?
All I knew was that I’d just cracked open like an egg.That Valentina had cracked me, and all the things not meant to come to the surface started oozing out.
The fact that deep down, I was still the sixteen-year-oldboy grieving his little sister, wanting to make her proud.That I pretended to know what the fuck I was doing, but really had no idea.That I was desperate for someone to just tell me what the right thing was.
And maybe she was that.I think you do.And her smile was pitiful.I think you just don’t want to do it.Even when you know you should.
Accept the offer.Fuck captaining.
It seemed easy enough, only that when I looked at that choice, all I saw was: Be selfish.Destroy Ali’s dream.And suddenly it wasn’t all that easy anymore.
All my defenses were down, disarmed and disabled one by one—by the woman still sitting on top of me, so close I could count her lashes if I’d wanted to.I don’t know if Ican,I corrected.I want to.Ishouldaccept that offer.I just don’t think I can.I don’t know.I shook my head again, let it fall back and closed my eyes in frustration and confusion and, honestly, annoyance.At myself and my feelings for making this so much more difficult than it should be.Rational decisions were easy; it’s when the heart got involved that things became complicated.
You love Alison,she said, letting her fingers run through my short hair.My sister’s name out of her mouth felt so right, it actually sent shivers down my spine.And she loves you.That’s why I’m having a hard time imagining her wanting anything but the best for you.Anything other than your happiness probably wasn’t an option for her.Just like you wouldn’t have cared if she’d ended up being a doctor or a—
Dog sitter.When she didn’t want to be a doctor, she wanted to pet dogs for a living.I smiled at the reminder.
Can’t blame her,Valentina agreed thoughtfully, and her lips quirked again.She thought for a mere moment, then she rolled off of me, and I was ready and willing to complain loudly.But instead of swinging out of bed and leaving because I’d let her in, and that’s when people left—her head landed on my chest.Our fingers interlaced.Her leg sprawled over mine, and she cuddled into my side.
I honest-to-God held my breath, that’s how unexpected it was.Comfortable?I asked, not quite sure if I wanted to get away from the topic or continue talking about it because it had felt kind of… nice.Getting it all out there.Having someone who knows enough about me and my sister to have an opinion on it.Someone who cares enough to voice it.
I’d never really talked to anyone about Alison like that.
Very,Valentina sighed.She kissed my neck, messily and distractedly.Her voice was muffled.Let’s just stay like this for a while.Tell me something, if you want.Don’t, if you don’t.
So I was talking, and she was listening, right up until her breath evened out, and the fingers that had been tickling up and down my biceps stilled.Just—she mumbled into my shirt.Taking a quick nap.
And I was surprised she managed to warn me at all before she fell asleep against me.I was out like a light thirty seconds later.
CHAPTER 26
VALENTINA
I didn’t remember falling asleep.I remembered his arm around my head, his fingers in my hair, and the low, calm cadence of his voice.I remembered the smile on my lips.Most importantly, I remembered the way I’d felt—stillfelt.
Safe.Understood.Seen.Without the fear of doing something wrong and scaring him away—because I’d done all the wrong things, and he’d never even taken a step back.
I groaned into the crook of his neck, stretched my arms against the bottom of my bunk over us.Last night must’ve been too short, and this had been desperately needed.It took me another minute to properly open my eyes.I sat up—slowly, and carefully, so as to not wake the man beside me—and blinked through the room.
Straight at Alfie, motionless in the door.
My eyes widened, my pulse spiked and my lips formed a soundlessO—ready to word-vomit an explanation, and apology, and justification simultaneously.But not a single word came out of my mouth.Like I’d gone mute.
Silently, we regarded each other through the small room.He looked as shocked as I felt, eyes continuing to jump back and forth between me and a peacefully sleeping Caden, whose arm I was still tracing my fingers up and down on.I stopped.Alfie finally moved.
Valentina!he gasped, closed the door behind him, and leaned against it, eyes still wide, shock and confusion and a million other things still in his expression.So far, I couldn’t see disappointment, but the rest of his emotions would probably make space for it soon.Once the fact settled, once he’d gotten all the details, it would come.
Caden disregarded, I jumped out of the twin-sized bed— unsure how we’d both fit in the first place.I hit my head, stumbled over my own feet, and finally made it to him with multiple injuries.My hands were on his shoulders, and they were shaking.Just slightly.
Alfie—I warned or pleaded, I wasn’t sure either.This is not what it looks like, I swear.
It’s like he blinked out of a trance, rapidly and more often than he needed to.He whisper-shouted his next words at me.So you weren’t cuddling Caden Callahan in a twin-sized bed?Hands and legs and whatever other body parts all over each other?
