Page 57 of Lessons in Falling
I don’t think she will,I muttered in response.I think she loves you a little too much.
There was a long pause.Valentina gnawed on her bottom lip, eyes on the top bunk above us.She was considering something, I could tell by the twitch of her nose and the slightly furrowed brows.Finally, she said, very quietly,I thought Dad did.
I don’t think she’d mentioned her father before.Her mother’s substance abuse problem, yes.Her sister’s lack of interest in her life, yes.Her dad, though?I’d never heard about him.What happened?
Valentina tried to shrug it off, make it less of a big deal than it obviously was.I let her, just for the sake of her own comfort.Oh, nothing,she snickered.Are you sure you want to hear this?It’s not even that big of a—
Yes.I cut her off.Stop making your issues seem less important than everyone else’s, sweetheart.Tell me.
The smile on her lips turned genuine.Sweet and appreciative, and something inside of me bloomed at the sight—with pride, I think, for putting it there.I nudged her.Please?
She laughed with an eye roll.It really isn’t that big of a deal—she repeated, but the look I sent shut her up.Growing up, my dad and I were really close.Daddy’s little princess,she mocked.“Had a baby-overall with the print and everything.He used to pick me up from daycare, then kindergarten, thenschool.Basically all of my childhood memories were with him.My parents fought a lot, but I always thought they’d be fine.I’d come home to them yelling at each other, and I thought if I’d just do my homework extra fast and better than anyone else, it would make up for that.When I could hear them fighting at night, I thought I’d prepare a nice breakfast in the morning, and everything would be okay again.I thought that would be enough, you know?
I was ten, I think, when he left.Valentina blinked rapidly.Turns out he had a whole other family.Just one town over.He’s still a dad to those kids now, but we haven’t heard from him at all.Despite their constant fighting, Mom hasn’t been the same since, either.And I can’t help but think that if I’d just done more, supported them better, been a little less difficult sometimes, he’d still be there.And Mom would still be clean—
I couldn’t help the interruption.You were a child, Val.You can’t honestly think that.
I can, and I have.We thought to sit up at the same time.Me, ducking to avoid hitting my head; Valentina leaning against the wall behind her, legs drawn up to her chest.I mean, it makes sense.He wouldn’t have left if I’d been enough, right?That’s not how that works.Think about it.She clearly had.For the past decade.Maybe his other daughter was smarter, and nicer, and listened better than I had.
And so I assumed she’d just started being nicer, listening, and always giving her prettiest smile, while doing everything for everyone else, but never herself.Thinking that becoming what everyone wanted her to be would keep them around.Forgetting that in the process, she’d lost a pretty big part of herself.
I shook my head, tilted it slightly.Your dad didn’t leave because you weren’t enough,I said, carefully.By the look on her face, perhaps it was the first time she was hearing it.Maybe he left because he didn’t love your Mom anymore.Maybe he left because the fighting was too much.None of that makes it better, but it had nothing to do with a sweet, little ten-year-old girl who did everything in her power to make him stay.
You don’t know—
I promise you, I do.I’d bet a lot of things on it.All of my things, actually.
Her head fell back against the wall, hair still messily flying in all directions after our nap.But,she said, then didn’t finish the sentence.
No buts,I tutted.Your friends don’t like you because you’d try and give them the moon and the stars if they’d ask.They love you because you’re you.
Again, she shook her head.Her teeth dug into her bottom lip.You don’t know them well enough to say that.
This is another one of those things I’m absolutely certain about, Rhodes.It took me a day to figure it out, and I’ve had weeks at this point to prove myself right over and over again.I shrugged.I mean, you’ve been an A-class ass to me, and I still like you.Scowls and insults and all.
And I think she was trying to ignore that little confession as much as I was, now.Five seconds of silence later, regretting it heavily.And I still like you.But I did, didn’t I?More than just a friend, definitely more than anyone else before.
Finally, she caught herself.Because you’re weird, Callahan.She nudged me with her foot, and her eyes rolled.Maybe you’ve got a degradation kink.
Only one way to find out.She blushed in sync with my wink, hiding her face behind her hands.Giggling.The sound tugged at something in my chest.And I realized then, I was so unconditionally, irrevocably gone for her.
Fuck,she groaned into her hands.Then, lower, she asked God knows who,What are you doing to me?Valentina’s eyes connected with mine, and I had no idea why it was doing the things it was doing to me, either.Chest tightening.Fingertips tingling.Goosebumps crawling down my back, and arms and neck.
Every single part of my body had some kind of reaction to her.Every.Single.One.
I should be worried,she said, contemplative.Her head tilted, like she was genuinely confused.When she got on her knees and crawled the short space over to me, until she sat on my lap, my heart actually stopped.Skipped a single beat, then doubled its speed.About Alfie knowing, and Iris finding out.I should want to stay as far away from you as humanly possible.But—
She was not far at all.Her breath fanned against my lips, her eyes were so close, I could see every single shade of brown in them.Like it was instinctive, my hands found her backside, cupped her ass.I couldn’t have done anything about it, even if I’d wanted to.
But?I asked.
My throat worked, and she blinked at me, trying to find the right words.But I’m not feeling any of the things I should feel.Instead, this seems like the onlyrightplace to be.
In my bed.On my lap.Lips basically grazing mine.Here.With me.
My entire body buzzed with relief once my lips found hers—chantedfinallyover and over and over again.Finally, I could taste her on my tongue again.Finally, she arched into my touch again.Finally, her hips rolled against mine, and our groans mixed between our mouths, and I wanted her so much, it was hard to keep my head clear.
All five of my senses had been taken over by her, so getting out a coherent thought was… challenging.Your friends—But her hand dipped to the waistband of my boxers between us, and she started fiddling with the fabric.
