Page 61 of Lessons in Falling
Or trying to.Nah, man.I’m good,he said, voice so gruff even Anni beside him was taken aback.By the look on her face—brows furrowed, lips parted—she had no idea what was going on with her boyfriend, either.He hadn’t said a word, and I hadn’t seen him and Caden together in… a few days, at least.
You can’t let me at least pretend to be helpful?Caden tried to joke.
Mike snickered, but there was no humor in the sound at all.Anni’s eyes narrowed even before he spoke.You’re good at that, aren’t you?He wasn’t even looking at the guy, just continued cutting up the chicken, more aggressively than he needed to.I was afraid what he might do with that knife once he was done with the meat.What he wanted to do, clearly, was use it on Caden.
Excuse me?
At pretending you’re helpful,he unnecessarily explained.The same way you pretend to beall infor the team.Or that you want to be captain in the fall.Right?
Babe!Anni finally intervened, but I wasn’t looking at her.
Caden tensed, his fingers flexed, and his head tilted in confusion—or anger?I couldn’t tell from here, all I could see was his profile.Which didn’t look happy regardless.There was a tense silence in the kitchen, Alfie and Iris had stopped bickering, and the only sounds were the fan and the boiling water.But they didn’t do much to fill the awkward silence, either.
For a second, I thought I was about to see two grown men brawl.Although his back was still turned toward me, by his tone, I figured Mike was ready to punch his friend square in the jaw.
But Caden’s hands shot up in surrender, eyes flicking across the rest of us before he said, with a fake lightness in his voice,If you wanted all the chicken-glory, you could’ve just said that.Then, he kept himself busy by starting to lay the table, and completely ignored the way Anni dragged her boyfriend past him into the backyard, then slid the door shut.
I grabbed the forks and knives and helped Caden with the table.Pretending to be helpful.What crawled up his ass?
Caden startled, and his eyes flew in my direction, like he’d been deep in thoughts before I rudely dragged him out of them.I was about to apologize when the scowl on his lips turned into a genuine smile, and he placed the next plate.Fuck knows,he muttered.Maybe he thinks I’m not training enough.Maybe he thinks I’m not good enough.Maybe—He shook his head.Maybe he’s just in a bad mood.
Right.I shrugged, came up beside him, a little too close.I placed the cutlery next to the plate he’d just put down.So you’re okay?
Caden gave me a bright smile, perfect teeth and all.’Course.Then, quieter, closer, he whispered,I don’t think there’s anything in the world that could ruin today for me.You were so fucking spectacular, Val.I’m still thinking about it.
And I knew exactly what he was referring to.Heat rushed into my cheeks, and I hurried with the cutlery, if only to get some space between us that would keep me from jumping him, right here, right now.From a safer distance, our eyes locked again, and by the smirk on his lips, he’d interpreted my reaction just right.
I’m still thinking about it, too.
Just ten minutes ago, I’d been replaying the way he’d taken me in that shower.I’d been playing with the possibility of dragging him back up there to take another one.
Still thinking about what?Iris’ cheery voice snapped me out of fantasy land, and made me remember where we were: the very public, very open living room of Alfie’s house, with all my friends gathered around.
Iris placed the pan of chicken Alfredo—enough fettuccine inside it to feed an entire village—on the trivet in the center of the table.Alfie was carrying two bottles of white wine and dumped them into the ice bucket we’d prepared beforehand.
Oh,I quipped, trying to find an answer that wasn’t,thinking about the way he’d fucked me.Our run.We went running the other day.
You run?Iris’ brows furrowed, her voice carried a note of disbelief as we sat down.Then, instead of a note, it turned into a truckload when she added,I don’t think I’ve ever seen you run.Her eyes flicked to Alfie, whose gaze had been jumping back and forth between Caden and me.Have you?
He shook his head too quickly.Never,he said, and I gave him a warning look.Don’t fuck this up, it said.You promised.I mean, sometimes,Alfie corrected, fiddling with his fork until it clinked loudly against his plate.He was a mess.I’d never known him to bethisbad of a liar.Actually, yes.Now that you mention it.I’ve seen them run together a few times.At least once.
Now replacerunwithcuddle, and it wouldn’t even be a lie anymore.
Iris was about to ask another follow-up question, but the door slid open, and Anni and Mike were back.Sitting oppositeme, Caden tensed, gaze trained on his friend.Or captain?I could never quite figure out their dynamic, to be honest.
Without a word, Mike sat at the other end of the table, trying his best not to scowl—and failing, obviously.Anni, an apologetic smile on her lips, sat across from him.Sorry for the wait.Shall we?
And so we did.
The awkward tension was quickly forgotten once we’d noticed Alfie had done an amazing job with the seasoning.Iris had taken off her imaginary hat, bowed to him, and formally apologized for doubting his skills.In my direction, she whispered,You still would’ve done it better.For which Alfie hit her shoulder again, because Iris didn’t have the ability to do anything quietly.
She was loud, and boisterous and unapologetic and it’s what I loved so much about her.She fit like a missing puzzle piece into my inability to say no and turn into whatever the people around me needed.It was inspiring, really, how she was just Iris Zhang, no ifs or buts.
Just honest, funny, laughs-like-she’s-dying Iris.And I was lying to her.
Three of us—sitting on the couch or passed out on the living room floor by now, wine glasses forgotten as we passed bottle two around like joints—were lying to her, and she had no idea.She was laughing with us like we weren’t betraying the fundaments of our friendship, and the pact it had been built upon.
I hadn’t meant to drown my guilty conscience in wine.That logic was flawed as well, because alcohol had the abilityremove the filter between my brain and mouth, and I often turned into a chatty mess once it got to my head.
