Page 63 of Lessons in Falling
Excuse me?Caden said regardless, maybe in an effort to salvage what could be salvaged, he’d opted for politenessand manners?Maybe this was all just some big misunderstanding—
Or maybe this one: never have I ever thought about abandoning a team that’s counting on me?Mike’s voice might actually have been shaking—that’s how angry he sounded.Never have I ever been a selfish bastard?I think you’ll have to drink, Callahan.Don’t you?
No room for misunderstandings, then.
Who the fuck had Caden told about Anova?If it hadn’t been me who told Mike…
Caden’s gaze snapped to mine.Gone were the knowing smirks, hidden smiles and fiery looks he’d been sending me all night, and I had the awful feeling his thoughts had led him down the same path mine had.Only that he couldn’t know I’d kept my mouth shut.And if he really hadn’t told anyone else—
Right then, he wasn’t thinking about Mike, the—very real—accusation or what it might mean to either of them.His attention was still on me, and he was thinking one thing:why would she tell him?
I knew it like they were my own thoughts.
I could sense disappointment before actually seeing it.Usually, Caden was tough to read.His walls were high, his facade flawless, and there’d been cracks only a number of times.Before every single one of my orgasms, there was this awe and wonder in his eyes that I didn’t think he was faking.Whenever he spoke about his sister, his heartache and grief werereal.I could add this moment to the list of times-Cadan-Callahan’s-facade-cracked.
His brows drew up, his lips parted, his breathing picked up—I could see it from here.He frowned, as if confused, thenswallowed thickly, like he’d come to a decision.Then looked at me like he was about to do something he knew he’d regret.But he did it, anyway.
My turn.Never have I ever lied to my friends,he said, slowly, like a threat.Never have I ever hooked up with Caden Callahan.Never have I everfraternizedwithin this group.
There was a ringing in my ears—growing louder, like it was getting closer, somehow.Voices, drowned out around me, definitely talking to me.Whats?andHuhs?But my vision had tunneled.
All I could see was Caden, opposite me.All I could see was the realization on his face that selling me out hadn’t been nearly as satisfying as he’d thought.
A second later—or maybe a minute or ten—Mike dragged him outside, and I couldn’t help but hope he still wanted to punch him square in the jaw.I’d give him permission now.I’d encourage it.
I blinked back into reality.Anni and Iris looked at me with wide eyes, mouths agape, probably pinching themselves to figure out if this was a dream—or nightmare.Alfie was fiddling with his hands in his lap, eyes trained on them vigorously.
Valentina?Iris asked, carefully, confused, dumbfounded.What the fuck?
CHAPTER 29
CADEN
The last thing I should be thinking about was Valentina.I should be worried about the guy I’d considered one of my best friends being ready to knock me out with a single punch.I should be worried about my future on the HBU soccer team.My possible future at Anova.My relationship with Mike.Whatever the fuck I thought I owed Alison.
Not a secret summer fling that shouldn’t mean anything— one Valentina would’ve forgotten about the second we’d left Oakport, guaranteed.She hadn’t planned on telling her friends, so the only logical conclusion was that she thought she’d never see me again to begin with.
That I meant about as much as Finnick Fucking Maxwell to her.
So she’d spilled my secret, and I’d spilled hers.I’d warned her.A few weeks ago, I’d basically threatened to tell her friends if she ever so much as thought about opening her mouth about Anova.Now she had, for whatever fucking reason.And so I had, too.
A promise was a promise.A threat a threat.
And maybe it was better this way.Have her fuck me over before this—whateverthisbetween us had been—could become an even bigger mess.Involving feelings and trust, and, worst of all, an admission of both.Before I’d dismantled my walls, reached in, and given her my heart whole.
Before I’d given her the power to destroy it with a single, delicate squeeze.Like this had been.
Opening up, trusting, loving, only to end up losing that person the same way I’d lost Ali, completely and irreversibly.
Coming home from the hospital and still finding one of her plushies in the living room.Zapping through TV programs and getting stuck on her favorite show.Still hearing her laugh ring out in the hall, like she’d burst through the door any second.For a single second forgetting she was gone, until the reminder hit you like a truck.
I didn’t think I could go through that again.I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life.Keep myself locked up behind walls ten times as high as me, and make sure not to let anyone slip through the cracks, like Valentina easily had.
You don’t even want to explain yourself?
I shook the lingering memories off.It was dark, but I could still make out Mike’s silhouette; the way he paced up and down, arms crossed, then uncrossed, hands flexing into fists, before uncurling.If one thing was clear, he wasn’t quite sure how to feel.
I shrugged, tried to steer my thoughts away from cherry-red hair, those brown eyes, rosy cheeks.And failed.Well.What’s she told you?
