Page 64 of Lessons in Falling
Honestly, I didn’t think he’d heard me.That rush of angerclouded his judgement, drowned out his surroundings.All he noticed was that I’d saidsomething, and it was enough to make him lose his fucking mind again.
I had a glimmer of hope our conversation would turn out to be productive once he’d let it all out.He cursed and shouted and continued pacing, and not for a single second of it did he look at me.At last, he asked,How long?His eyes finally locked with mine.Have you known?How long have you been considering?he corrected.
And how on earth would more lies help?A few months.Since graduation, maybe.
Dude.Some of the anger in his voice evaporated, like the truth was so devastating, he wasn’t quite sure what to do with it.You’ve got to be fucking with me.Why would you throw away everything you’ve worked so hard for?He shook his head.For some stupid job that’ll still be there in two years?
Because I’d never wanted it.Because I’d never done it forme.Because I’m selfish, but when it came to my sister, I’d give her the world—dead or alive.
Just with this… I wasn’t sure if I could make the decision for anyone but myself.
All thoughts Valentina had put into my head, I begrudgingly realized.
I settled on,I don’t think it makes me happy, man.
And it was the first time I’d admitted it to myself, as well.Unfortunately, Mike’s reaction wasn’t as understanding as I’d hoped.It was barely accepting.
He laughed, only to make a point.The boisterous sound echoed through the yard, bounced off the Summerhouse andacross the flat surface of the pool, illuminated by its lights below the water.
Who the fuck are you, and what have you done to Caden Callahan?
Funny,I deadpanned.
It’s not,he shot back.That’s the problem, dude.You’re captain—you weresupposedto be captain, because the only thing that actually made you happy was winning.You didn’t light up the same way when you aced an exam or went home with a beautiful woman—He cut his own thoughts off.This is about Rhodes.It has to be.
It’s got nothing to do with her.
Stop lying to me.It’s fucking insulting.Youlikeher.
I snickered, tried to wave the accusation away like it wasn’t a big deal.Like it hadn’t taken a whole lot of mental strength to convince myself I wasn’t.Bullshit.When have I ever liked anyone?
Exactly.So what is it?he challenged.She’s not going to grad school?You guys want to move to Boston together?She’s promised you the world, if only you don’t go back to school in the fall?
No.Talking about her shouldn’t have been a big deal.The way he’d said her name should have been irrelevant.I tried to act like it was, but I gritted my teeth, clenched my hands into fists behind my back, and I didn’t know why.Something about his tone, maybe.
She doesn’t like all the female attention you got as an athlete?She’s scared you’ll leave her for the next best cheerleader?he continued guessing.
My hands continued flexing.My jaw tensed.
Either oblivious or aware of exactly what his words did to me, he carried on.She wants to be your priority?Damn, Callahan, I never thought I’d see you this pussy-whipped.See you throw your life away for a good fuck—
My hand twitched, one last time, before flying against his face.Below my knuckles, something cracked.Adrenalin rushed into every single part of my body, vision red, only for a moment.
It’s got nothing to do with her,I spat while he recoiled.I don’t know how much Anni would like you talking about her friend that way, though.Think twice, next time you put her name in your mouth.
He looked back at me, and no matter how great it had felt, I was glad to see he wasn’t bleeding, and that his nose didn’t seem broken.Mike rubbed his jaw, glared at me.God, you’ve always been so fucking oblivious.Again, he shook his head.You’re off the fucking team, by the way.I’m calling Coach Hepburn tomorrow, and I’ll be damned if someone who didn’t even want it takes my spot next month.
And maybe it was better that way.
CHAPTER 30
VALENTINA
I could fucking kill him.If this is going to cost me my friends—if breaking the NFR would make them leave, forget about me, and move on—I’d make him regret it.Then, in seventy years, after I’d died, I’d haunt him all the way into his own afterlife.
He’d never been worth this mess.All the men in the world combined couldn’t be worth more than Anni, and Alfie, and Iris.Not even Caden.Not even the way he’d so effortlessly made me laugh, had been so understanding, and sweet and kind.Had stayed, when all the odds had been against it.
If he wasn’t worth it, though, why was I still thinking about him now?The way disappointment had settled into his features, the way his brows had drawn together, his mouth had twitched into a frown, only for a second, before he’d gone and ruined my life.
