Page 69 of Lessons in Falling
Caden—
No.I shook my head, maybe in the hope it would blur my view, make her disappear from the forefront of my mind.You fucked me, Valentina.I trusted you, and you ran to—
I didn’t tell anyone!
Unsurprisingly, it was easier to lean into my shred of anger, than come to terms with that other emotion taking up the rest of my heart and body and soul.
Bullshit,I snickered, taking a few steps toward her.She did not back away—didn’t press further into the door or shrink into herself.I didn’t tell anyone else, and Mike said it was you.Or, at least, hadn’t denied it when I’d mentioned her.That’s worth about as much.You got me kicked off the team, all because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut—
Valentina’s eyes narrowed, and whatever compassion had been in her features slowly turned into something else.Anger, maybe.Annoyance or exasperation.Good, I thought.Justifying anger was much easier when the other person was fighting back.
You did the same thing, you know?she muttered, voice low but firm.You almost cost me every single person I care about, Callahan.Where’s your apology for that?
I didn’t like the second wave of relief that washed through me at hearing the wordalmost.
Oh, come on,I huffed, steering away from the feeling.Stepping closer again, until it was inches separating us, not feet.Until my body cast a shadow over hers, and she had to look up to meet my eyes.You can’t honestly be surprised.I warned—
Threatened,she corrected.You threatened to tell on me, if I tell on you.Only that I.Didn’t.Tell,she spat.You did.
Come on!I repeated, exasperated, angry, tired of hearing the same stupid excuse.No one else knew.McCarthy sure as shit didn’t tell Mike, because he would’ve done it three months ago, not now.You were the only other person I told.You were the only person I trusted enough to tell—
Something rattled her stoic expression.Her brows twitched, drew up—only for a moment, in surprise, maybe, and something else entirely.She swallowed thickly, like she didn’t expect the admission, and wasn’t quite sure what to do with it.
What, are you surprised?I snorted in faked amusement.Yes, Valentina.What a shocker: I trusted you!I repeated, the anger I’d tried so hard to summon coming easier now.Every time I told you about Alison.Every time I listened to your advice and stupidly thought,hey, it seems like she might care about my wellbeing after all.I didn’t talk to you about my sister and childhood because I thought it might get me laid, you know.
She fiddled with her necklace, and her eyes diverted from me for the first time.Probably because playing the dead-sister card was as uncomfortable for her as it was for me.But it was valid—wasn’t it?I’d confided in her, trusted and stupidly cared for her.How dare she throw all of that back in my face?
Why, then?she asked, and her voice was only half as loud and fierce.Barely a whisper, really.Why’d you tell me?
And for some reason, she slipped right back through the Valentina-sized crack in my walls.After I’d just managed to get her back in front of them—for five minutes, but still.Her tone had been so soft, her question so hesitant.Her round eyes flicked back to mine, lashes batting against her cheek.
And it disarmed me, plain and simple.
You know why.She must’ve.
I hadn’t exactly been subtle about wanting her, about the spell she must’ve cast on me.From the very minute she’d stepped into this room, I’d been enchanted.Honestly, since I’d woken up in my bed without her months ago, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her.
Valentina shook her head, like she was putting two and two together as well, and couldn’t quite come to terms with it.Couldn’t quite believe it, no matter how reasonable it seemed.
I don’t—She cut herself off.What’s your endgame, Callahan?Whatdo you want from me?
I barely had to think about the answer.The truth, an apology,I began listing, and she wanted to cut me off, I could tell.I didn’t let her.Then, you.
Somewhere in the past five minutes, I’d come to terms with it.Staying mad at Valentina, looking at her and not wanting her, was unrealistic.She had me so thoroughly wrapped around her little finger, and she didn’t even know it.The way she blinked at me, perplexed, and her lips parted in that same way, I could tell she was oblivious of the power she clearly wielded over me.
Caden,she said, and my hand moved all on its own.I tugged a wet strand of hair behind her ear, then couldn’t get myself to pull back.Her face in my hand, her chest unevenly rising and falling just inches away.I’m being serious, I didn’t tell Mike,she said, voice low.My brows furrowed.I’d opened up again, and she still—Finnick did.
My mouth shut.I’d been ready to argue and immediately reeled back that instinct.And I didn’t like the way it soundedwhen I asked, confused,Your Finnick?I grimaced, then corrected,Finnick Maxwell?
Her lip twitched, despite the situation.Not my Finnick, no.But yes, Finnick Maxwell.I hated how much I liked her clarifying the former.He overheard us talking at Blitz, remember?Some sister who worked at Anova?
It was like the lightbulb above my head lit up.
Ididremember.Hehadoverheard.Valentina never opened her God damn mouth, and I still—
My gaze shot to hers, eyes wide, a million things in them that I couldn’t interpret myself.Fuck,I cursed.What else was there to say?She hadn’t fucked me; I’d fucked her.Fuck, I’m—
I know.I’m sorry, we shouldn’t have talked about it so close to him, but I—
