Page 203 of The Eye of the Fifth
‘I see,’ Win said tightly. ‘So,Iam not dead. But it seems that Kyraena might be. I asked you to keep her safe.’
‘I… I tried, Win.’ No other words would come to her.
‘You tried,’ Win repeated. ‘You failed.’
Naal closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, Winvara was looking at her. ‘Forgive me. My love, forgive me.’
Swilling the wine in her goblet, Win said in a low, trembling voice, ‘If Kyraena has died for a human, it will be on your head.’ Without warning, she lobbed the goblet across the room. Wine splattered the floor like blood. ‘You said you would protect her!’
Naal’s knees collided with rug-covered stone. ‘I know, Win. I know, I know-’
‘Whatdo you know? You act as though you know everything, Naal. You act as though the world bends to your will. You act like nothing can go wrong if you are around. ButI knowthe opposite to be true. Everything goes wrong where you are involved. I should never have let Kyraena leave with you. I should have locked her away, if it meant keeping her safe.Thatis whatIknow. It shouldneverhave been you, Warden or not. You know nothing, Naal!’
Silent tears wet Naal’s face. ‘You are right.’
Seething, Win collapsed into an armchair. For a long while, neither of them moved. Naal could do nothing but stare at her mate’s face, contorted with anger. She found herself wanting to reach out and smooth those furious lines. But she stayed put, hands firmly in her lap.
Sometime later, Win broke the silence. ‘I planted the girl.’
‘Who?’
‘Rosary Talbot.’ Win started speaking then as though it were a long kept secret. Naal listened without interruption. ‘Eirinna met her on the streets of Avaldale on one of the many city runs she did without my consent or knowledge. Talbot was an urchin then, an orphan begging for scraps and stealing whatever she could find. Eirinna, Goddess damn her, had a heart purer than most. She talked to the girl. She bought her food and wrapped her in cloaks that would keep her warm in the winter months. She learned about her past. Learned how, at just five years old, this thin decrepit thing had saved herself from the house fire that took her parents. The streets had been her home ever since.’ Win blinked. ‘Rosary Talbot is a Warder. Strong protection magic runs through her veins. She protected herself from the blaze without even knowing what she was doing. Eirinna asked me to take her in. She tried to convince me that Talbot could be an asset to us. That she might help us live amongst the humans in the city without fear, as Eirinna so desperately wanted for her children. With Talbot protecting them, they would be safer. I refused.
‘Then Eirinna was killed. I did not know what happened to the girl after that, but the guilt of refusing a child’s needs haunted me. Three years later, Oslan ran. Another three years passed and Kyraena rantoo. In Eirinna’s memory, I stole into the city for the first time since the war and sought Talbot out. I paid her to find Kyraena. Then I paid her to protect her from afar. And she did. For all those years Kyraena fought in those lawless pits, Talbot protected her. I have no doubt my granddaughter is a fierce fighter, but it was Talbot’s magic that stopped an opposing blade from ever dealing a fatal blow. Just before Kyraena’s Warden power came forth, sending her into a murderous frenzy, it was Talbot who ensured the mercenaries would not harm her.’
Win looked at Naal. ‘I even told the girl about the prophecy. I felt I owed it to her to give her the whole truth, for refusing to take her in as a child. Born from my own selfishness, perhaps, for I prayed that even in death, Eirinna would forgive me my mistakes if I did. Talbot, unlike most humans in the city, had faith in the Four. In the Earth Mother. I believe she thought it was her destiny to shield the next Earth Warden from harm.’
Her lips tightened. ‘But she was not supposed to befriend Kyraena. I had no idea just how close they had gotten. Not until Talbot came running to the manor that day to tell me Kyraena had been arrested by the Union. The expression on her face… she was fearful. Anguished beyond words. It was not just the rain that wet her cheeks that day. It told me all I needed to know.’
The lump in Naal’s throat was too big to swallow. ‘Rosary loves Kyra. And Kyra loves her. In each other, they found a sister.’
‘Love,’ Win whispered. She exhaled, and her features darkened. ‘Love is weakness. Empress Azar knows it to be true. She wields it like a weapon. People do stupid things for those they love.’
‘Without love, we are nothing, Win. Nothing,’ Naal said quietly.
‘And yet there cannot be love without the inevitability of pain.’ Mahogany eyes latched onto Naal’s. ‘I cannot look atyouwithout hurting. You are, and have always been, mygreatest weakness. And I have spent my life resenting that.’
Beyond the anger, beyond the century of bitterness that had passed them by, Naal saw Winvara for what she was. Not the sour, ageingfemale she proclaimed to the world to be. But a female who, beneath the icy exterior, was just as frightened as everyone else.
A female who was terrified to give in to love, lest that love be ripped from her, as so much else had.
But Naal was not afraid. If there was one thing in the entire world she was sure of, it was this.
It was her.
Slowly, she moved to Win. On her knees, at her mate’s feet, Naal bared her heart. ‘You are my greatest weakness too, Winvara. But you are also my greatest strength. I have ached for you for so long. And it has been painful. Unbearably so. It still is. But I would rather die tomorrow, knowing you are my mate, than spend another eight hundred years without you. That ache, that pain I have harboured in this time apart was what kept me going. I could never resent it, for it meant I had loved. It meant I had been loved. That is all I could ever need.’
Silver lined Win’s eyes. Those creases softened. ‘Sometimes, I wish… I wish that you were not my mate. Everything might have been easier.’
Gulping down the pain that pierced her at those words, Naal rose higher on her knees. ‘Easier does not mean better.’
Win’s bottom lip wobbled. Naal traced the outline of her face with a slow finger, drinking in all that was her, all she had missed in the years gone by.
It was the first touch since the last.
Win’s breath destabilised. Her eyelids fluttered close, forcing the tears out from behind them. ‘It is too hard. This is too hard, Naal.’
‘Is it?’ Naal asked with a breathy laugh. ‘Because it feels like the easiest thing in the world.’
