Page 178 of The Eye of the Fifth
She glared at him, then sat back, diverting her attention once more to the people dancing. Drinking because it wasfunto drink, not because they wanted to drown out the noise that made them want to rip their fucking brains out.
Kawai’s glower was burning a hole through her cheek. ‘I want to help you. I want to be that person you go to when you feel alone. When you feel lost, or… or broken. I don’t know why you won’t let me do that.’
‘You owe me nothing, Kawai.’
‘For fucks sake, Kyra, I know I don’t. Why is it so hard for you to believe that I might actually care about you? That I might actually love you enough towantto help?’
That word. That fucking word. Why did he have to say that word?
Eyes now stinging with the difficulty of holding back tears, she whispered, ‘It’s not your job to fix me.’
‘No. You’ll just stew by yourself until you implode. Real healthy behaviour.’
She slammed a shaking hand on the table. ‘It was a distraction, is that what you want me to say? You want me to admit it? It was never real, Kawai. You and I. It was nothing. It was always going to amount to nothing.’
‘Nothing,’ he repeated, shaking his head with a humourless snicker. ‘I’ve had nothing plenty of times before, Kyra. All I’ve ever fucking had was nothing. What you and I had… that wasnotnothing. And you know it too. So you can keep pushing me away, but eventually you’re going to realise you’re lying to yourself.’
Forcing her voice not to shake, to be void of emotion, she said, ‘It’s done, Kawai. Whatever it was, whatever we shared, whatever we felt… it’s done.’
She couldn’t look at him.
For she knew she would break if she did.
A horrible silence clawed its way between them. Kawai stood, donning all the layers he’d thrown to one side when he’d arrived. But he didn’t leave right away.
He looked down at her, and asked the question she’d been dreading for days: ‘What does he mean to you?’
A cold, heavy stone dropped through her stomach. ‘Who?’
‘You know who,’ he said coldly. ‘The fire guy. Gedeon. The first time you saw him in the Council Room, you looked like you’d seen a ghost. I didn’t ask about it because it was your business, not mine. Butthen you saved him that night and since then you’ve been off. You could have fucking died when you went after him, but you did it anyway. So, who is he to you?’
She whispered, ‘No one.’
Kawai pulled his hood over his head, golden eyes darkening under shadow. ‘You’re a terrible liar. But if we’re done then I guess you can fuckhimwhen it suits you now instead of me.’
She watched him leave. Watched until he disappeared from view.
Meeting Gedeon had ruined everything.
Tears spilled then, thick and fast. She swiped them furiously from her cheeks and poured herself another drink. Another ticket to numbness.
The want to dance left her as swiftly as Kawai had. But she sat and drank the whole damned bottle until the patrons were a blurring, swirling mass of bodies.
She was very busy filing her nails down on the edge of the hard wood table when someone else occupied the lonely seat opposite her.
Mankar. Even through squinted, inebriated eyes, that much was clear. He was bigger than any male or man she’d ever seen.
He wore averyserious expression. Very sombre, indeed. ‘Did Kawai send you down here to berate me for being a bitch?’ she asked, slurring through the words. ‘Or am I to be scolded for escaping my imprisonment?’
He heaved an exasperated sigh. ‘You’re drunk.’
‘If everyone was drunk, no one would be,’ Kyra said philosophically, waggling her eyebrows. ‘So, am I drunk, or are you justnotdrunk? Hmm? Bet you never thought about that, did you?’
Mankar let his head fall into his hands, but she heard him mutter under his breath, ‘Gallena save me.’
Kyra snorted. ‘Save you from what? Drinking? It’s easy. Here, I’ll teach you how-’
‘No,’Mankar said, his hand closing around her wrist just as she was about to call over the maidservant. ‘I’m not here to drink with you.’
