Page 54 of Villains and Vengeance
‘I can walk.’
‘I know you can, but, if it’s ok, I’d like to carry you. Does it hurt …’
‘A little,’ she sighs.
She relaxes against me almost immediately and I hold her close, puzzled by my own thoughts and actions. Maybe she’s duping me. Maybe this is all a ruse, some game she’s playing, some payday I don’t see. But the way she’s curled against me makes me wonder if that really is the most likely scenario at this point. She doesn’t seem like she’s on the con right now. Far from it.
I take her back to the bunker expecting her to fall on the food like an animal because she must be starving, but she doesn’t. She sits down and picks at it, staring down at the floor.
‘Can I do anything?’ I ask.
She frowns at me.
‘I know you don’t trust me,’ I begin, ‘but—’
‘Look!’ She sounds angry for the first time. ‘Relax. Nothing’s changed. I didn’t trust you before, Axel. We aren’t friends. We aren’t anything.’ She lets out an annoyed sound. ‘What I mean is, it’s not like we’ve lost anything. So, you fucked me. So, it happened to be my first time. No big deal. I said you could if you got hungry and you did. Would I have liked it to have been different?’ She shrugs. ‘Sure, but in human circles the first time always sucks.’
Sucks?
She puts a hand up at my stricken expression. ‘I don’t mean sucks,’ she says quickly. ‘I just mean …’ her voice fades out.
I clear my expression, but I’m trying to marry up this version of Jules who believes she doesn’t deserve more than a rut on the floor for her first time having sex versus the one who waltzed into our lives with the confidence that everything of ours was her due.
She’s rubbing her temples. ‘I don’t understand though. Why’d you even do it if you didn’t need to?’ she mutters. ‘You’d already fed from me when Jayce … I don’t get it. You said you’d never want to dothatwithmeif you didn’t have to. Why …’
Her jumbled words are telling. I wounded her when I told her I didn’t want her. I didn’t realize she’d care. I had no idea I had the power to hurt her.
‘Because I wanted you,’ I blurt, cringing inside but I press on. ‘I wanted you as soon as Daemon brought you home. I watched you for days and then you ran off with the family silver.’
She’s quiet for a long time, but I can tell I’ve surprised her.
‘I’ve thought about you over the past two years, you know,’ I say. ‘And not just about revenge.’
‘Was that revenge?’
‘No,’ I say quickly, not wanting to make this worse. ‘That was hunger and need and anger for making me want you when I should hate you for what you did.’
She puts a tiny piece of food in her mouth and grimaces, moving away from the rest.
‘You should eat,’ I tell her.
‘I can’t. I don’t really feel all that well.’
She pulls her shirt down over her thighs for the tenth time and I look around for her pants that I threw somewhere, cursing myself for being such a thoughtless dickagain.
The flap opens and Jayce waltzes in like this is his place now.
Jules frowns. ‘So you guys and Siggy are best buddies now?’ she asks loud enough for the arania outside to hear.
Jayce shrugs. ‘All the ladies love me, even the beautiful arania.’
She snorts, sounding a little more herself. ‘She wouldn’t if she knew you’d easily skewered Gargantua a couple hours ago.’
‘She might thank me. Got rid of the larger competition.’ Jayce winks. ‘But let’s not tell her just to be safe.’ He frowns at her. ‘You said you were hungry.’
‘She says she doesn’t feel well,’ I tell him.
He gives me a look. ‘No shit,’ he mutters quietly, thrusting an iron kettle and a small towel at me.
