Page 34 of Owned By the Fae
‘Do you feel it yourself, or is it just what I feel?’
It shrinks back a little, regarding me, thinking it through thoroughly.
‘I don't know,’ it finally replies. ‘Some things are because they are important to you, so, in turn, they are important to me. There are blurred lines between us. I understand more of your world than I did then. I know that many things that he’s done have been wrong ... and his threats regarding that faeling, Ryon, are as well.’
‘It's the only thing that ever worked to make me follow his orders.’ I say. ‘Once he knew exactly what would make me acquiesce to him, manipulating me became very simple.’
‘I know.’
I shiver, not wanting to think about the first time any longer. I hadn't realized back then what he would stoop to, the levels he would descend.
‘Not everything can be your fault,’ it says softly.
I close my eyes. ‘You're wrong. All of this is my fault. If we can't escape this place, we're going to need a second option. Once we find a way to stop Varrik, are you willing to die with me if necessary?’
It hesitates only a moment before it nods.
‘I think perhaps … if I believed in destiny,’ it says quietly, ‘that I was meant to be with you. Maybe that’s why you survived when the others didn’t.’
I glance at it. ‘How many were there before me?’ I ask, curiosity getting the better of me.
I knew there were others, and obviously, none of them survived as I have the Harbinger, but Varrik never talked much about his failures.
‘From that I can remember, over two hundred. All were dead inside a day.’
‘Did you kill them on purpose?’
‘No. I yearned for them to live, my friend. I believe they just …couldn't. You were the first one that I could settle into properly. You accepted me. You thrived with me inside you, and I did as well. Those first few times you let me out … when we both craved his approval … when you didn’t hold me back, I enjoyed them, and I know you did as well. It wasn't until you found out the truth that everything was soured. I thought we could be friends, but then you buried me.’
It sounds sad, and my heart aches for it. If I’d known all this, would I have done things differently? Maybe. I might not have let my fear of it rule me. If I hadn’t, if I’d learned from it instead of pretending it didn’t exist, I probably wouldn’t be Varrik’s prisoner now.
‘I'm sorry,’ I say. ‘I was scared, and I was full of guilt for what I’d done ... I still am.’
It pats my arm absently.
‘It's time for you to wake up,’ it says. ‘Varrik will call for us soon. You'll need to do what he says if you want that faeling to survive. I will do what I can to help. Be strong.’
My eyesopen in my room, and I sit up carefully. At least the smaller bones they broke in the dungeon are beginning to knit back together. They ache, but it’s the cuts and bruises and theburns and welts that hurt the most. I might not be able to see them, but I don’t feel any better if I pretend they aren’t there.
I look around the room and see that someone has brought what passes for a meal around here. Clothes are draped over a chair as well. I get up and move across the room slowly, donning a pale green cotton dress that laces up the front with a square neckline and long sleeves. It takes me a while to get it over my head and even longer to do up the laces with my freezing fingers, but once I'm clothed, I do feel better. Even one layer helps to keep the cold from sinking completely into my bones.
I sit and eat the stale bread and hard cheese, drinking the water slowly. I wish for wine to numb me, but knowing Varrik, I won’t get anything like that while I’m here.
My door opens, and two guards step inside my room.
‘We’re to take you to Varrik,’ the one on the left says.
His eyes on me are knowing in a way that makes my skin prickle.
My expression shutters because I know why he’s looking at me like that. His voice is seared into my mind. He was one of the guards in the dungeon who took such delight in my suffering. I take a long look at his face so that I’ll know him again even if he doesn’t speak, wondering if the one next to him was there as well. I memorize his face, too, just in case.
The Harbinger pushes hard at the binding. It wants to kill them for it. I can feel its need for vengeance.
‘Stop it,’ I mutter through my clenched jaw. ‘You’ll just weaken yourself.’
‘They need to die,’ I hear it say softly in my head like a caress.
I don't disagree, but it’s nice to hear it while I’m awake for a change.
