Page 57 of Distortion
I can just make out the letters from my mom’s note, but it’s sodden from my dunk in the river. How could Shade ever have thought that was intentional?
He doesn’t know me as well as he thinks. But he’s going to. They all are.
I stay in the bathroom for a moment longer, getting myself under the tight control I learned during my years at The Heath. It’s no different in some ways, I realize. There are still punishments for me out here if I don’t stick to the rules of others. They’re just a little different, that’s all.
‘Don’t lose it,’ I mouth. ‘That’s what they want.’
I make sure I look as ‘normal’ as I can before I open the door and find Mav still waiting for me in the hall.
He puts his phone away as I come out and regards me with an expression that makes me wary for some reason. He folds his arms. His eyes moving over my face slowly.
‘Are you hungry?’ he finally asks.
I shake my head. My stomach is still very much messed up from last night and the little field trip this afternoon, not to mention the shot of tequila Blake tricked me with. I’m sure he chose that particular liquor on purpose. It was exactly the same color as the juice from last night.
‘Does anything hurt, from falling out of the boat, I mean? You didn’t hit your head, or anything?’
Why is he asking me? What does he care? My thoughtsmust show on my face because he gives me a tight smile. ‘Just want to make sure you aren’t hurt, okay?’
I nod.
He frowns. ‘So you are hurt?’
I shake my head again, my eyes not leaving him, though they flit around a bit, taking in the muscles and the contorting lines of him.
I like them. I don’t want to, but I can’t seem to help it.
He sighs and pushes himself off the wall. He’s so tall when he stands right in front of me that I have to crane my neck a little to see his face.
‘You can’t ... talk right now, can you, Daisy?’
I open my mouth to refute it, but I find that I can’t. I feel myself paling. I haven’t been as bad as this in a long time. Everything was always the same at The Heath. I always knew what to expect and I could manage myself. Regulate myself. It’s not like that out here, and after the past few days ... For him to know ... I clench my eyes closed. Who else knows?
My righteous fury goes out the window and I feel my lip quivering as I look at him again. What if he tells Shade who tells his dad? Is this enough to have me sent back? Is it already too late?
‘Hey, hey, it’s okay.’ He puts a hand out toward me and I step back before he can touch me. I can’t do it. I can’t deal with anything else right this second.
‘It’s called going non-verbal, right?’
I try to say something, anything to prove him wrong, but the only thing that comes out is a sob that mortifies me. I glance at the door that leads back to the bar and put my hands to the sides of my head, rubbing my temples gently, trying to think of a way out of this.
Mav looks angry, but when he speaks, he doesn’t sound it. ‘I won’t tell the others if that’s what you’re worried about. Our secret, okay?’
What does he want for his silence? I can’t even ask him.
‘Are you thirsty?’ he asks.
I nod.
‘I’m going take you back to the table. If they try to get you to talk, I’ll tell them that your throat is sore from throwing up and then taking the shot, okay?’
I nod again. Why is he being nice to me?
People aren’t nice without reason. There will be a cost. I learned that at The Heath, too.
Resigned, I follow him back out into the loud bar, finding that it’s cleared out a little. The game must be over.
I sit down at the table and find that the food is there. I frown at mine. Shrimp. I hate shrimp. I don’t remember asking for this. The smell turns my stomach.
