Page 136 of Degradation
Blake rolls his eyes. ‘Fuck you.’
I look from one to the other. ‘I don’t get it.’
Blake feeds me another bite. ‘He means I don’t usually let girls hang around for long enough after I’m with them to give them aftercare.’
‘Oh,’ I murmur. ‘Do you want me to go?’
‘No, sweetheart,’ he says quietly, ‘I don’t want you to go.’
I’m fed two slices of pizza before I shake my head that I’m finished. After another fifteen minutes, I’m too hot in Blake’s arms and the feel of his skin on mine is like sandpaper on a chalkboard to my senses.
I wriggle away from him and note his amused grin. ‘Feeling better?’
I nod. ‘Thank you.’
I look over at Mav who’s asleep on the bed, one arm thrown over his eyes. The clock says it’s just after eight at night.
‘I should...’Recheck my math. ‘Go to bed.’
‘I’ll be in in a minute,’ Mav murmurs. ‘It’s my turn tonight.’
Blake frowns but doesn’t say anything.
‘Only one of you,’ I warn, ‘or I’ll sleep somewhere else.’
I leave the room, between my legs a little sore and feeling achier by the second now that I’m out of the aftersex care, or whatever it’s called. I want another hot shower, but, first, I slip into my room and practically run to the bed, grabbing my papers out of the covers and doing the rest of the calculations that were interrupted earlier. I’m half-afraid that I’ll have forgotten my dream, but the information is still in my head, and now that I have it, I don’t know why it took me so long to figure it out. It’s so simple.
I’m right. I know it. I just have to go to the lab tomorrow morning and run a simulation to prove it.
I’m elated, and yet also completely the opposite. I shove the papers into the back of the drawer. I don’t want them finding any of the data until I’m ready, and I don’t want them to know the formula either. That’s my intellectual property now, and it’s my only bargaining chip. A part of me wants to march over to Blake’s room right now and just tell them, but I can’t. What if they never even speak to me again?
One more night sleeping next to Mav.
I try to steel myself against these thoughts. If it’s the price I need to pay to live as a human being with sovereignty over myself, so be it. There’ll be other men, other loves.
But even as I think it, I’m not sure I’ll ever see anyone else the way I see Blake, Mav, and Shade. I care about them more than anyone. They’re special. I can’t imagine being comfortable with anyone else holding me or touching me.
But I’ll do it tomorrow.
In the lab.
After McKinsey’s class. They’ll all be there then.
I take another hot shower. This one is quick, and I try not to think about what they’ll say when I extort them tomorrow. Instead, I wonder if I should message Lu and tell her about everything that’s going on. Maybe I should discuss tomorrow’s plan with her.
When I get back to my room, Mav is in my bed asleep, and I can’t help my small smile as I put a towel on my pillow and climb in next to him. I cuddle up beside him, and though I don’t feel that tired, I still succumb to sleep within seconds.
When I open my eyes, Mav is watching me sleep. I stifle a yawn and smile sleepily at him.
‘What time is it?’
‘Almost nine,’ he answers.
I try to get my groggy mind working. ‘What day?’
‘Thursday, Tulip.’
One more day until dinner with John. A few hours before I tell the guys about the formula and secure my future by potentially destroying my present.
