Page 32 of Degradation
Devastation.
‘I’m sorry,’ he whispers. ‘For everything. Those guysaren’tour friends, but I’m sorry they thought it was okay to touch you, to hurt you. And wewillbe making sure they never get near you again. I promise.’
His words make me feel a little better, but at the same time, uncomfortable. I never thought he’d apologize properly.
‘It’s okay,’ I say, squirming under his gaze.
‘Daisy.’ His hand brushes my hair and cups my cheek. ‘It’s not okay. This was my fault. I made it seem to everyone like I didn’t care about you, that I wanted you gone. And it left you without protection. It made you a target.’
‘But that’s true. You don’t think I belong here,’ I whisper. ‘And you don’t care about me.’
He straightens. ‘You’re right. I don’t think you belong here,’ he murmurs, ‘and that’sbecauseI care about you.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘There’s things you don’t know,’ he mutters, stepping back.
‘What do you mean?’ I ask, wishing he’d justsaythe things instead of being cryptic. ‘Is it... Is it about my mom’s death?’
He looks surprised, jerks back a little. ‘What?’
His eyes lock onto mine, searching them, I break contact quickly.
‘April died in an accident, Daisy,’ he says. ‘A tragic accident. She went off the road at a well-known bend. It’s a treacherous piece of road. That’s all.’
I stare at him, feeling relieved because I think he’s telling the truth, at least as far as he knows it.
In this moment, I could speak up, I realize, my heart beginning to thump hard. I could tell him about the notes and the threats. But, my eyes dart to his, searching them for a few seconds longer than usual. Would I really know if he was lying? No. I want to believe him, but I’d have no idea. And so, I keep my mouth shut, and I don’t tell him about the person who’s dogging my steps. Stalking me. Watching me.
Because even though I don’t want it to be him, it could be.
‘I know,’ I say, thinking quickly. ‘I meant because of the robe, and how sad you are, how close you were with her. Is it because you don’t want to lose someone else, if you care about me?’
I don’t think I’m making sense, mostly because I’m making it up as I go along, but he nods.
‘Yeah, exactly. Richmond can be a dangerous place and if you were back in the UK, you’d be safer.’
My stomach drops like a lead ball.
‘Don’t ask John to send me back,’ I’m begging before I realize I’m even saying the words aloud. ‘Please let me have a life, Jack. I promise you I won’t do...what I did before. I’m better now.’
My eyes are swimming.
‘T-that’s not what I meant,’ he stammers. ‘I won’t talk to my dad. I promise that too.’
I wrap my arms around myself, wondering about all these physical responses I seem to have when I think about The Heath, or when I’m afraid I’ll be going back there. They seem to come up a lot more now that I’m getting settled out here.
It’s not normal. Even I know that. I should probably talk to someone. But who? I can’t just put something like this on Lu, and I can’t trust the guys, not completely. A medical professional? What if John found out about them and exploited his power as my guardian to learn everything I’d talked about in sessions, and then used the knowledge to get me taken away again?
If I’m honest, I doubt he’d even need it. He could probably just use that power to wave a hand and have me brought back across the ocean on a whim.
The thought makes me feel sick. I’m only free because John wills it. Everything I build here could be taken from me at the drop of a hat. I could be back at The Heath having to follow all their ridiculous rules within ten hours if John made the call.
I need to get rid of this guardian nonsense, which means proving that I can stand on my own two feet. I need everything to show that I’m a normal and productive member of society if I ever have to fight for my freedom in court. Stuff like a job.Check. Good grades.We’ll see. Financial stability...
I wince. I have no money at all. I guess I’d need a lawyer, too, which I don’t have savings for. I mean, I still can’t even afford the rest of the books I need for classes.
‘What are you thinking about?’ Shade asks.
