Page 59 of Degradation
‘Yes?’
‘I’m so sorry about the other night.’
‘You’ve said. It’s really all right. I understand.’
I scoot my chair around the table closer to her. ‘I don’t think you do,’ I murmur. ‘That night, when I got back. I was tired and covered in dirt. It’s not an excuse for how I treated you...’
‘And blood,’ she murmurs.
‘What?’
‘You were covered in blood, too.’
She doesn’t seem shocked by that.
‘I have this job...’
She chuckles, rolling her eyes, still avoiding mine completely. ‘Where? In an abattoir?’
‘A what?’
‘A…slaughterhouse.’
‘No, uh, I just move stuff sometimes for people in Richmond. Anyway, the other night, I went to work and then there was an impromptu wrestling practice. One of the guys got hit in the face and he was bleeding. I was trying to help, and it got on me. That’s all.
‘Oh,’ she murmurs. ‘Why are you telling me this?’
‘Because you looked really scared back at the house, Daisy, and I…don’t want you to be scared of me. I’d never hurt you.’
She practically rolls her eyes, and I frown. I’m practically baring my soul over here and she still won’t even give me the time of day.
‘But you have,’ she mutters. ‘Lots of times, Blake. You called me names, and you made the frat guys call me names. You threatened me and blackmailed me.’
She finally looks at me and I see how angry she is. She’s letting me see. ‘I thought we were...friends.’
She flinches at the word.
‘At leastfriends. You made me think we were. You were nice and you seemed like you cared about me.’
And then the anger is gone, replaced by sadness. The real emotion she’s feeling, I realize with a pang in my chest.
‘But the other night, you turned on me. I thought it was my fault, that I’d done something.’ She looks up at me. ‘Sometimes I do. I say something, or I do something, and I don’t realize until later that I’ve upset someone, not until I’m told. I was so angry with myself for upsettingyou, for ruining it.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I say quietly, realizing that she considers what I did an actual betrayal.
It’s a huge deal to her. I might as well have stabbed her in the back. I should have understood. I was looking at it like when I upset Jolie or the other girls sometimes and I cover it with platitudes and bullshit because I don’t really give a fuck. Daisy doesn’t work like that. She won’t let me get away with that. And when it comes to her, Idogive a fuck.
‘I didn’t mean it,’ I say almost desperately. ‘Wearefriends.At least.I was an asshole. I won’t do it again. Not ever. I apologize and I promise I’ll make it up to you. I’ll show you that I’m sorry.’
She looks into my eyes just for a moment and it’s enough. I let out a sigh. She doesn’t forgive me, but she’s opened the door just a crack for me to make amends.
‘I won’t hurt you like that again,’ I whisper, putting my hand next to hers on the table.
She looks at it and I watch with bated breath as she slides hers closer to mine and our fingers touch.
‘If you do, I don’t think there’ll be a way back even if I want there to be,’ she whispers.
I nod. ‘I understand.’
