Page 95 of Degradation
I give her a thumbs up and head back to the Novelle Center where I spend pretty much all my time doing my job as the assistant and keeping my little side project under wraps.
But I’m so close I can taste it. I just need something to click in my brain.
I’m supposed to meet Bennet for our partner project in Grinder in the middle of the week. I’ve spoken to him a couple of times in class and he’s actually not too bad when he’s not trying to kick me out of lecture halls.
I work a shift just before our meeting, so I’m already there when he arrives. I grab us both a latte and we sit in a corner to go through everything we’ve done separately over the past few days. While we’re working, I realize that he’s kind of funny in a pretentious sort of way. He’s fun to hang out with, and our project is progressing on schedule. I decide to see if he wants to be weekly study partners once the project is turned in at the end of November. We plan to meet up in Grinder again the following Monday.
That evening after Grinder, I’m sitting in my room working on the formula when Shade comes in.
I look up from my desk and surreptitiously hide the work I’m doing on paper so there’s no trace on the laptops. He doesn’t even look down.
‘I forgot to tell you. My father wants to see us for dinner.’
My stomach flips. Family dinner together at the Novelle house was never a cause for celebration when I lived there. John always chose foods I could barely stomach, awful smells, weird textures. And it was also where he’d lecture me on all the things I was doing wrong. At the beginning, my mom would usually move the conversation on to other things. After a couple of months, she’d clench her fists and tell John with a smile that she’d like to see him in the other room. A few more months after that, she’d just pour herself another glass of wine while avoiding my eyes and then tell me she was sorry after John was done with me.
‘When?’ I whisper.
‘Next Friday.’
I nod, realizing I have nothing to wear except the suit I arrived here in. That’ll have to do.
‘What time?’
‘Eight.’
I glance up at Shade again. ‘Why now? It’s been weeks.’
‘The Forrest’s Gala is a couple weeks after. He probably wants to make sure you don’t shatter a tower of crystal glasses again,’ he grins.
I attempt one back, but my stomach is in knots. ‘Just you and me?’
‘Maybe Andy too, if he can get back from Harvard for it.’
He says his brother’s name with a sneer. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him that Andy knew about the kids hurting me in school. I don’t want to be the reason they fight.
‘Look, about what I said. The stuff that happened in school... It was over a decade ago. I don’t even think about it at all. There’s no need for you to be angry, you know.’
Shade steps closer and I stand up, moving away from the desk so his eyes don’t start wandering to it.
‘That’s not the point,’ he murmurs.
‘Then why are you...upset.’
‘I’m not,’ he mutters.
I laugh. ‘Yes, you are. Why?’
‘Because you were my best friend, and I was so wrapped up in my own shit with my father that I didn’t even see what was happening to you.’
I shake my head. ‘That isn’t your fault. You were a kid just like me. It wasn’t your responsibility any more than it was mine. It wasn’t your failure, and I never thought that.’
I reach up and touch the tip of his nose with my index finger and he frowns.
‘Did you just boop my nose?’
I nod, trying to keep a straight face.
‘I’m a grown man, not a puppy!’
