Page 116 of Degradation
‘Thanks for taking me out there,’ I say as she pulls up the driveway.
‘I’m sorry,’ she says quietly.
‘I feel better in a weird way. I’m glad I went and saw it for myself. And we know for a fact that John was there that night, now. That’s something. I’ll try to talk to the staff at John’s house on Friday.’
I squeeze her fingers, and she returns the gesture. ‘Message me later, okay?’
I nod and leave the car, making my way upstairs.
The guys are out tonight, I remember with a long sigh. I forgot. I wish one of them was here right now, but at the same time I don’t want anyone with me.
I lock my door.
I need to think, but that’s practically impossible. My head is pounding and sluggish, and it’s getting worse by the minute. I’ve lost my battle with the migraine. I should have gone to the medical center today. I’ll pay for that tomorrow, but I needed to see that place. I wanted to speak to my mom, and the thought of going to the cemetery to do it seems wrong, like she’s not there.
I take off my clothes, leaving them where they fall and get into bed to try to sleep.
My mom was murdered.Ourmom.
I need to tell Shade, don’t I?
Tomorrow. I’ll tell him tomorrow.
In the night, I toss and turn. I think I hear someone at my door, but I can’t make myself get up to find out. I’ve only been like this a few times, and only twice at The Heath. One morning was so bad that I wascorrectedtwice for not getting out of bed when Crews told me to. My leg ached for days afterward though the nurse I told about it informed me that it was impossible, and it was ‘all in my head’. Whether she was saying that I was imagining the shocks from the Stinger, or the pain, I didn’t know.
My head.
My head feels like it’s splitting open. I can see lights bursting in my vision that aren’t really there, and my left hand is curled into a bird-like claw. It’s always the one that goes.
I need the stuff The Heath used to give me for it.
I’m wide awake too early and I wonder what time the medical center opens. Around eight, I can’t make myself wait any longer, and I get up. I stagger around my room, throwing on my clothes from yesterday with one eye half open to let in as little light as possible.
I grab my duffle bag and the empty blister pack that says the name of the drug they prescribed me on the back because I can never remember it. It’ll probably be called something else here but at least they can look it up with the name.
Throwing on my coat and my slip-on ballet flats because I can’t tie laces with my hand not working properly.
I leave my room and see that all the other doors are closed. Usually, the others keep theirs open at night since no one else in the house is allowed up here except by invitation. I descend the stairs very slowly, holding onto the rail for dear life. At the bottom, I hear some of the guys in the kitchen. The thought of food or drink makes me want to heave, so I head straight for the front door. Two of the others are leaving. Freshmen. I think one is called Greg and the other might be Jason or Jackson. I can’t remember but I don’t think either of them have been especially nasty to me as far as I know, not even during pledging.
‘Hey, are you okay?’ Greg, the taller of the two, asks.
I glance up to see them both staring at me.
‘No,’ I croak. ‘I’m going to the medical center.’
Jason or Jackson checks his watch. ‘It won’t be open for at least two hours, Daisy. Are you sure you want to go now?’
‘I—’ I feel myself slowly lean against the wall without meaning to.
Greg glances at his friend. ‘Where’s the Admiral?’
The J name gets his phone out and puts it to his ear.
‘Look,’ I slur, ‘I’m just going to the medical center. I don’t need help, thank you.’
‘Voicemail,’ he mutters, doing the same thing again and completely ignoring me.
‘Can you just get out of the way, please?’
