Page 44 of Degradation
Something dawns in his eyes. ‘Last night. The way he was when he got back. Is that what this is about?’
I nod cautiously. ‘He seemed upset, and I asked him what was wrong, then I touched his shoulder. Lu’s done that with me when I’ve been upset before. I thought it was all right,’ I babble, realizing I’m close to crying. ‘But when I touched him, he yelled at me. He spoke to me the way he did...before.’
I sit up. My breathing hitches and I blink back tears, swallowing hard so I can keep explaining. I worry the edge of the blanket with my fingers rapidly.
‘I thought he wouldn’t be like that anymore.’ I look away, knowing I’m revealing too much, but unable to stop now that I’ve started. ‘Because I work in the lab now. I proved that I should be here. I thought that would...help him want to be my friend, I guess.’
‘Oh, sweetheart.’ He sounds sad.
I don’t look at him.
‘Last night was…bad for him. Sometimes he’s like that. It’s no excuse for how he treated you, but when he got back from his...errand, he wasn’t himself. He was in a dark place. He lashes out when he’s in that space in his head. At me, at Shade. Depends on who’s there. I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have left you in his room. I didn’t think. It’s not your fault, Daisy. It’s his for not keeping his shit together.’
He leans closer.
‘But,’ he caresses my cheek and waits until I look at him, ‘you can touch me whenever you want. Anytime. No rules apply. And youareour friend, okay?’
I nod, giving him a wan smile. ‘Thanks. That was actually quite helpful. I think I understand better now.’
‘I’m glad I was able to assist,’ he rumbles with a grin. ‘And you can always ask me if you have a question. I might not be able to answer every time, but I’ll do my best.’
‘Okay.’ I give him a more genuine smile.
Mav glances over at the clock. ‘I need to get up soon.’
‘What happened last night? With the results, I mean.’
He flops back into bed with a loud groan. ‘Failure.’
‘All the groups?’
He hesitates, maybe trying to figure out what he can tell me about their secret project, and what he can’t.
I wait, practically with bated breath. I wasn’t trying to get information out of him, but maybe he’ll say something I can use.
‘Yeah,’ he finally answers. ‘Every. Single. One. I need to analyze the data today and figure out next steps.’
‘Can I help?’ I ask, already knowing he’ll let me.
He doesn’t know I know about Envy, and I can pretend that I think I’m working on the non-opioid.
He cracks an eye and looks at me. ‘We’re not supposed to take data from the lab, and you’re supposed to stay off your feet for a couple more days at least.’
‘Please?’
He gives me an indulgent look and I almost feel bad, especially after he’s helped me this morning. I don’t feel nearly as upset and frustratedand sadas I did a few minutes ago. But the new Plan B needs to be something real and that means doing what I must.
Besides, what I’m planning isn’t going to be anywhere near as brutal as how they treated me up until recently. It’s notretaliation. I’m not trying to get even in some twisted way. At least I don’t think I am. But I’m not going to feel bad for saving myself. No one else is going to do it. White knights aren’t real.
‘I’ll see what I can do but,’ his eyes narrow on me playfully, ‘what will you do for me?’
I can’t help my chuckle as I hide my sudden nervousness. Last night was... Well, things were different in the middle of the night. My cheeks warm as I remember basically ordering him to give me an orgasm.
Jesus. What was I thinking?
I start to move away, embarrassment flooding me, but he’s quick. He takes hold of my hand, stopping me.
‘Not so fast, Tulip.’
