Page 53 of Provocation
But I can’t. There’s too much to do today. So, I sidle past Blake, giving Shade a small smile as I walk into the bathroom to take a shower.
I’m quick, the sheer amount of things I need to do feeling like a weight on my shoulders. I should make a list, put everything on it, and then start crossing stuff off. I’ll feel a little more in control then.
I notice a muffin and a cup of tea on my desk when I get back to my room and I smile as I have my breakfast. My expression lingers as I get dressed and make sure I have everything I need in my bag for the day. Then, I sit down and write that list. I put everything on it, from getting up and dressed to having dinner.Even crossing off the first several lines makes me feel a lot better. I just need to keep on top of things. That’s all.
I’d actually forgotten that I’m meeting with Bennet after my shift at Grinder until I was speaking to Blake in the hall, which is annoying because I wanted to find out from Mav if he got any data back from his brother so I could make changes to Envy before I make the second batch tonight.
I send Bennet a message, saying we should meet in the library after class, and he sends me a thumbs up and a heart. I eye those little emojis dubiously, hoping he doesn’t want to just chat nonstop like he did the last time we met up. Trying to keep him on track took a lot of effort and I don’t think I’m going to have the energy today with everything else going on.
I message Lu at the same time because I haven’t heard from her for a couple of days, which isn’t like her. I hope she’s okay.
I look at my list again, scanning it quickly, focusing on those crossed-out things. There’s a knock on my door. I open it to find Blake on the other side. He’s moving from foot to foot like he’s nervous and my stomach clenches.
Is this where he tells me about his other girlfriend, or where he gives me some vague answer that makes no sense?
‘I got this for you,’ he says quietly, producing a box. ‘It’s an implant. We can’t keep, you know, having sex without protection.’
‘Okay,’ I say quietly.
‘You should wait until your next, uh, cycle to make sure you’re not already… I can put it in for you.’
My eyes widen as I stare at his shoes.
Pregnant. I hadn’t even thought… I do some quick calculations and realize thatitshould be coming anytime. That is, if I’m not pregnant. I put the thought out of my mind immediately. I don’t have the capacity for worrying about that today.
‘I understand,’ I say quietly and hear him let out a slow breath.
‘Can I walk with you to campus?’ he asks. ‘We need to talk.’
Those words make me feel sick.
‘Sure,’ I say, grabbing my coat.
The present he got for me,I remind myself as I run my hand down the soft indigo fabric. My legs feel like rubber as I grab my stuff and start walking with him downstairs.
He takes my bag for me, and I resist the urge to snatch it back in case he suddenly yells. ‘I have a girlfriend!’ and then runs off with my books, or something.
That’s probably not going to happen.
I don’t look at him as we descend the stairs. A couple of the KIP members greet us, and I smile and wave, still not a hundred percent sure how to interact with guys who were my sworn enemies last month.
When we’re out of the house, Blake takes my hand. His feels warm in mine. I look down at it and then up at him.
‘Remember how I said my dad was in jail?’ he asks without any further preamble.
Not sure where this is going, I nod hesitantly.
‘And that my mom liked expensive things?’
Again, I nod.
‘Well, my dad worked a shift job at an agricultural company. He never earned enough for the lifestyle my mom wanted. He maxed out his credit cards and then tried to get a loan to make her stay with us. But he had no collateral for the bank, so we went to…a guy.’
‘A guy?’ I ask.
‘Yeah. The kind of guy you get money from when you can’t get it from anywhere else. The kind who wants it back plus a lot of interest. Anyway, when it came time to pay it back, my dad didn’t have it. They were gonna kill him, so he made a deal thathe’d start working for them to pay it off. Then, he went to jail for something dumb and they came for me.’
I stop walking and look at Blake. I don’t say a word yet. I want him to speak, and I want to hear every word because this wasn’t what I expected. Not at all.
