Page 34 of Escape Velocity
“What if Itold you that I used to have a crush on Callum Brown.”
“WHAT!?” Jenna almost yells, getting everyone in the immediate vicinity’s attention, getting a few jolts and clatters of pens and pencils.
Even the librarian gives Jenna a withering look.
Jenna winces and shields her face as she notices the dirty looks she’s being given and turns back to Mason.
They’re in the library studying and they’d gone for a couple hours of complete silence. Mason was doing problem sets on derivatives in polar coordinates for his calculus course.
It’s a whole new system for him, and he had to have complete focus and quiet so that he could get through the problem set. As much as he loves math, sometimes it trips him up. He just didn’t expect it to happen this soon into the semester.
“I’m going to pretend that you’ve been hit in the head with one of the footballs at the game,” Jenna whispers.
“It wasbeforewe stopped being friends,” Mason whispers back. Jenna closes her eyes and sighs through her nose.
“Why are you only telling me this now? We’ve been close since freshman year of Northwood.”
“I didn’t want to admit it. I hated himsomuch. I still kind of do. I just—it was easier to hate him and push down how I felt than deal with the rejection and pine after someone who clearly didn’t want me in the way I wanted him to,” Mason said, picking his pencil back up and putting it in between his teeth.
He wants to stop himself from talking but he can’t help himself. All the years he pushed it down. It’s all coming back up.
He isn’t sure why he’s telling her now. It’s like doing math helps him process his thoughts and lets them be ready to speak about, like it’s his own personal therapist.
Jenna sighs. “Well, it makes sense in hindsight now. You always had a bit of an obsession with him.”
Mason takes his pencil out of his mouth and slams it on the mahogany table. “I didnot!”
Jenna tightens her lips and juts out her thumb and starts counting on each finger.
“Throughout high school, the person you talked about most was Callum. You knew everything he was doing. When his football practice was, where his classes were, and you even memorized his schedule at one point just so you could avoid him in junior year.”
Mason’s shoulders sagged. Jenna was right. It was easier to avoid and never see him again, lest he be reminded of how much he still liked Callum as more than just a friend.
“He just—really hurt me, okay? And it didn’t help that all his new friends liked to make fun of me from time to time. He becameexactlythe person who I hated. Hehung out with all the guys who he used to defend me from in elementary school. He became a different person. It was like he woke up one morning and forgot about me.”
He feels tears prick in his eyes and he takes off his glasses and rubs at his eyes like he does when he’s tired. Jenna can’t know how much it still hurts him to talk about it. He doesn’t want anyone to know how much it still hurts.
“He very much remembers you now,” Jenna says with a smirk.
“Well, he hated me back. It’s hard to forget someone you hate too.”
Jenna shrugs her shoulders and checks her nailbeds. “I don’t think he’s ever hated you if I’m being honest.”
Mason scoffs and puts his glasses back on. “He most certainly did.”
Jenna slams a finger on his notebook. “And I don’t think you ever hated him either.”
He swats her hand away. “Okay, nowyou’rethe one sounding like you got your head conked by a football.”
She puts her hands up in defense. “Deny it all you want, but I see things. Just because I’m not in psychology doesn’t mean I can’t see patterns in behaviors and be able to read people.”
Mason grits his teeth. He’s tired of his feelings being analyzed. It’s always what happens whenever he’s incapable of shutting his trap. Math never analyzes his feelings. He can always depend on math to figure something out for him.
“Why are you and Callum always accusing me of my feelings not being true? You keep saying I’m denying whatever it is you’re accusing me of,” Mason whispers more harshly this time, feeling his cheeks heat up.
Jenna smirks. “Maybe because you get so hot and bothered over whatever it is you think you’renotdoing.”
Mason sighs. He shouldn’t have said anything to Jenna. He should have kept his thoughts to himself and just studied like he promised he would.
