Page 22 of A Song of Ravens and Wolves
‘Estrid,’ Halldora said ‘this is Lady Olith.
A look passed between them. ‘Well now, I can see why the Jarl would be happy with such a union.’ Her eyes wandered from my toes to my head. ‘And what gift is it you bring for the Jarl?’
‘My father gave me a sword, it’s with my belongings…’
‘Good. Good.’ She looked about at the other women. ‘Has anyone spoken with you?’
Spoken with me? I had been herded from the ship and straight into a room with a gaggle of women waiting to strip me and dip me beneath the water. Estrid terrified me then. They alldid in their own way. They seemed to take an instant dislike to me and the feeling was mutual.
‘No–’ I hesitated. ‘No one.’
‘Sit down, girl, sit down.’
I sat on the bench nearest her, cloak billowing around me. Five of the women set about putting extra wood on the fire and preparing the oils in the water and scattering flower petals.
How I delighted in these ceremonies. Even when I became husbandless, it brought me joy to be with the women, to prepare them for their lives to come. Estrid could always make me laugh and Halldora rarely left our glasses empty. I cannot say I did not enjoy getting drunk.
‘Do you know anything about what is to happen?’
I shook my head.
‘When the water is prepared.’ She waved a hand at my dress, ‘see there,’ she pointed again, this time to a small wooden, neatly engraved box, ‘you must shed your maiden’s clothes, all of it and place it inside that box as a gift to your first daughter.’
I have given birth to only one child in my lifetime.
I swallowed and pulled my cloak tighter.
‘You needn’t be afraid; we’ve seen it all before.’
‘And much worse,’ piped up another.
‘Let’s get you out of this,’ said Halldora, unbuttoning my cloak. ‘This you can keep.’ She folded it neatly and placed it on the bench.
‘I do not think that it is right that I should undress in front of you all. I can wash and dress myself for my own wedding.’
Even now, my skin creeps at how ignorant and young I must have sounded. No more than a child. I tried to stand to leave, but there were too many, all crowding around me to get a better look.
Estrid let out a laugh.
‘We know that you are more than capable of bathing, Lady Olith but this is part of the ceremony,’ she said gently. ‘We must wash away your maidenhood.’
It is a strange thing maidenhood. It is prized above all else. It was something I was to cherish. To keep safe. To protect. Yet men are willing to take it without a moment’s thought if it is to serve their own selfish needs. It was something I was supposed to gift to my new husband and yet it had been taken from me, time and again by men that cared nothing for what it stood for.
I had no maidenhood to give.
‘We’ve brought dresses.’ Halldora blurted, grabbing my hands, and pulling me closer. ‘Look, these are some of the most exquisite–’
‘Hush, Halldora,’ hissed Estrid. ‘Let the girl bathe first before you go showing her dresses. One thing at a time. Lady Olith.’
She motioned again to the intricate wooden box.
I closed my eyes. I could feel my face burning. It is hard to tell, looking back if it was fury or embarrassment, or both. There I was, with my life on the line for a sister who could not even bring herself to wish me farewell. All of it I had done for her, an ungrateful child.
I removed the bracelets that the Jarl had gifted me, one at a time. Halldora placed them on my cloak. I unlaced the fastenings of my dress, casting it to the floor in a ruffle of fabric.
Halldora examined it, turning it over in her hands. ‘The most beautiful silk,’ she whispered, ‘but not fit for a Jarl’s wife.’
She folded it neatly and placed it in the casket.
