Page 32 of A Song of Ravens and Wolves
I should have been more forthcoming with the truth, but I did not want to delve too deeply into my lifeless mother or our hateful father. I did not want to think about all the things I had lost. Of Eplin and Donada. Of my freedom. Instead, I said ‘I have no brothers. We farm. We fish. Our food is abundant in the summer, and it saw us through the darkness of winter.’
‘No brothers?’ He said it as though I had made some kind of mistake. ‘That must have been a disappointment to your father?’
‘Aye, it was.’ I closed my eyes as the memory pressed in.
‘It is a disappointment, but a daughter is still a blessing from the gods.’
I nodded fighting back tears. If my brother had survived Donada and I would not have had to wed.
‘Are you tired?’ he whispered, stroking my hair. ‘Shall we go to bed?’
‘I… I… I…’ I stumbled over my words.
I did not want to. The thought seared through me over and over. I did not want his hands against my skin. I wanted to run. To scream. Cowardly. That’s what I was. Every decision I had made had brought me to his bed and I could not bring myself to go through with it. For my misplaced loyalty to a Christian God, I had wept rivers of tears and given myself calloused knees praying for my own salvation and yet, what I should have prayed for was vengeance, for what my father had allowed his men to do to us. Our gods reward us if we treat them with respect. I should have been grateful to lie with my husband, a pleasure that was taken from me far too soon.
‘Let me help you.’
He lifted me to my feet, bending his head to kiss me while his hands roamed freely. He worked slowly on the fastenings of my gown, one at a time he unravelled them until it hung open. He cast my dress to the floor, revealing my naked body. God left me then and I am pleased that he did.
He began to unbutton his trousers, deliberately sliding them down slowly without taking his eyes off me. He traced a line from my waist to my collarbone.
‘I have never seen anything so beautiful,’ he whispered against my skin.
Nervous and breathless I could scarcely move.
He pressed me to him again and kissed me with more urgency, fingers twisting in my hair. He traced the line of my neck with warm kisses before he buried his head between my breasts.
‘No.’ It came out as no more than a whisper. ‘Please.’
A noise crept up my throat that I could hardly contain. My skin screamed as he kissed it over and over until I could stand it no longer.
I rocked somewhere between shame and desire. Part of me wanted him. Part of me was ashamed of my enjoyment. My body trembled to answer every touch of his lips. It would not listen. I gave in.
He ran a hand down the curve of my spine, pressing me firmly to him as he bent to kiss me harder. We melted to the floor before the fire. We had been naked before that fire more times than I cared to remember but I will never forget that first night.
The torchlight shone off our bodies, damp with exertion. He pulled my hair roughly pushing his tongue against mine. His rough hands gripped my bare buttocks, and I arched against him and succumbed completely.
?
When we were finished, Sigurd lay on his side in the firelight watching me intently. I could only gaze at him through heavy lashes. When you are a young woman, you are not taught what it is to lie with a man or what you should say to someone as you lie awkwardly next to them, slick with sweat and as naked as the day you were born. I was at a loss for words and did not know what to do.
He did not say a word. He lay back and pulled me to him, letting my head rest against the arc of his chest. Exhausted; the pull of his warmth soon had sleep creep over me as I relaxed into the rhythm of his breath. We lay there on the floor in front of the dying fire.
For the first time in my life, I no longer felt afraid.
Chapter 13
Never Cheat Your Master
When I woke, the light filtered in broken beams through cracks in the shutters. I felt around to my left, but it was cold where my new husband should have been.
Where could Sigurd be? Part of me wondered if there would be anything left from the feast, I was famished and exhausted, but the dawn felt perfect. I threw open the shutters. There was not a cloud in the deep blue sky and the terns whipped and circled high above.
Wrapping myself in a blanket, I padded across the floor, stepping over my slobbering hound who lay sprawled in front of the fire, to my small parcel of belongings and Drest roosting sleepily.
‘There,’ I cooed, patting a snoring Angus. ‘We’ll be safe here,’ I said and for the first time, I truly meant it. Here, in the Jarl’s care, my father could no longer hurt me. In my young foolish head, I thought that if I could just get Donada to Orkney that Sigurd would keep her safe. I knew nothing and had not anticipated how angry men could get when a woman begins to make her presence felt.
My affection was met with a grunt, and he rolled over sleepily to toast the other side of his fur. Waking up in a bed I had never known felt strangely comforting. Any fear I’d felt during our wedding had disappeared with the darkness. What I had been left with was something close to contentment.
