Page 88 of Operation K-9 Brothers
“No, just determined.Anyway, my one and only goal was to heal so I could get back to my team.When I was still in the hospital, the doctors were hinting that there was a possibility I’d never get full use of my arm back.I refused to listen.Not returning to my team wasn’t an option.
“I walked into the doctor’s office last week as a SEAL.When I walked out, that was no longer true because my arm’s permanently damaged.I couldn’t deal with that, and that’s when I got stupid.The answer to your problems is never in the bottom of a beer bottle.I knew that, but I did it anyway.Mostly I just wanted to forget I’d never be with my team again.”
“Because that’s all that mattered to you.”
Those words sounded vaguely familiar, but he didn’t know why, although the way she said them put him on alert.“For a while I thought that was true, and then I met you.You changed everything.”He flinched when she snorted.“You don’t believe me?”
“After you said that the only thing that mattered to you was getting back to your team?You said that when you were drunk, when you weren’t filtering your thoughts, so no, I don’t believe you.”
“I said that?”
“Yeah, and then you told me to leave.”
He was never getting drunk again.Not in this lifetime or the next.At least he remembered why he’d tried to run her off.“I’m sorry, Nichole.If I could take it all back, I would.The thing is, at the time I believed I had nothing to offer you.You deserved more than a man with no future.That’s what the drunk me thought.The man sitting here right now is calling that man a drunk-ass fool.”
“What is it with men and their stupid egos?”She finally faced him.“So you decided to make the decision for me as to what I deserved?”
“I would have come to my senses when I sobered up, but then I was arrested with the good possibility that I’d be going to prison.You definitely deserved more than a man who was going to be locked up for who knew how long.”
“For something you didn’t do.There was never a doubt in my mind that you were innocent of that.”She stood, went to the deck railing, and stared into her backyard.
He wanted to go to her, but he sensed she had more to say, so he waited.
A few minutes passed, and then she turned.“Here’s the thing.I love you, but it’s not enough.I want a man in my life who stands by my side, who supports me in good times and bad.In return, I need to be that for him, and you shut me out when you needed me the most.You hurt me, Jack.Who’s to say you won’t do that again if things don’t go your way?”
She loved him, but...His heart didn’t know whether to rejoice or cry because of the words that followed her admission.He’d had this idea in his head that the first time they said they loved each other, it would be over a candlelight dinner, or sitting out on his deck under a starry night, or maybe when they were making love.Yeah, he liked that last one.
“I wish I’d said this days ago.”He stood, going to her.“When we met, I thought we’d have some fun until it was time for me to return to my team.Then you inched your way into my heart when I wasn’t looking, and I started thinking that maybe we could sustain a relationship through my deployments.That you’d wait for me.”
“I would have,” she whispered.
But not now?He was in the fight of his life, and he had to get it right.“I can promise you three things, Nichole.One, I love you with everything that I am.Two, I will never get drunk again.And, three, I’ll never shut you out again.”
“I want to believe you, but I’m afraid.I don’t ever want to feel that kind of hurt again.”
“When a SEAL gives you his word, you can believe him.I’d rather die than hurt you.That’s not to say that I won’t do things to piss you off, because I’m sure I will.That works both ways.It’s how relationships work.We just have to promise each other that we’ll always talk things out.”
Tears shimmered in her eyes, and he caught one with his thumb when it fell.“I love you like I’ve never loved another or ever expected to.Please give us a chance.”
She stepped away from him.“I don’t know if I can.”
That wasn’t a yes or a no, but seeing her trembling lips, he couldn’t bring himself to push her any harder.Because of him, she was close to crying, and that wasn’t acceptable.
“I think I should leave,” he said.“Take all the time you need to decide if you want to be with me, and when you do, I’ll respect your decision, even if it’s not the one I’m going to go home, fall down on my knees, and pray for.”
“Jack.”
Anguish was in her voice when she’d said his name.Damn him for making her afraid to love him.“Whatever you decide, Nichole.All that matters is that you’re happy.”He brushed his thumb over her quivering bottom lip because he had to touch her, afraid it was going to be for the last time.“I love you, but I won’t bother you again.What happens next is your choice.”
He left, skirting around her house to his truck before she had a chance to respond.Everything that made him the man he was rebelled at walking away.A SEAL always completed his mission.
You’re not a SEAL anymore.Okay, there was that, but it wasn’t like he could wipe all his discipline and training from his mind.He sat in his truck for a few minutes, debating the wisdom of leaving.He’d told her he wouldn’t bother her, that what happened next was her choice.What if he never heard from her again?
Should he try to talk to her one more time, convince her that they belonged together?No, she needed time to come to that on her own.All he could do now was be patient and hope that she wanted him in her life.
The day Lane Gregory got out of the hospital, however, whether she liked it or not, Jack would be shadowing her, making sure she stayed safe.According to Deke, Gregory was pretty messed up and would be in the hospital at least another week.Deke promised to call the minute he learned when Gregory would be released.The day that happened, Jack would pitch a tent in Nichole’s yard if it came to that.
As he drove home, he realized that he’d forgotten to tell her about his future plans.Would that have made a difference if she knew he had a plan for his life now?He thought about it, then decided that wouldn’t have made a difference.Her problem was with his shutting her out, not whether he had a job or not.Even if he were unemployed, she would have stood by him if he hadn’t gotten stupid.
If he ended up blessed to have her back in his life, he made a vow that he would never shut her out again, no matter how low or angry he might feel.If she couldn’t find her way back to him...He shook his head.He couldn’t bear to think of having to exist without her.She’d said she loved him, and he would hold on to that.
