Page 35 of Glass & Groundwork
Frankie: Aww, that's so sweet, I love that. What are you planning to make? Because he hates kale. I've tried to sneak it in and he always seems to notice. You know Papa, he's too polite to say anything, but I've seen him make a face when he didn't think I was looking.
The image of him pushing kale around on his plate made me laugh out loud. It was fun learning all these little things about a man who seemed so completely perfect.
Me: No kale, good to know, thank you. I was thinking I would do a quick corn chowder and a grilled ham and cheese.
Frankie: Mmm. Yes. Good choices. Ham and cheese is in Gio's S-tier.
Me: LOL Do you have rankings for everyone?
Frankie: Not written down. But I know what everyone likes. I've learned to pay attention to food and what people eat.
The sentiment seemed simple, but knowing what I knew, it tugged at my heart. Frankie was this ball of sunshine and I adored them. Of all my struggles I'd had growing up, I'd never once had to worry about where a meal might come from. It made me feel like an asshole for throwing a fit when my parents rejected my advance on my trust. Hell, even the last of my bank account that I'd paid to George could have provided meals for a lot of people.
I was really grateful to know that Frankie had Gio and their grandparents now, and hoped they would never have to face food insecurity again. It made me want to do something. If I got my trust, it needed to mean something. It couldn't just be more money that I kept for myself, as my parents had.
I slid a glance to the large quantity of items on the counter and winced. They were merely ingredients, except they weren't. Were they all purchased with specific menus in mind, accounting for how much use they would get out of each item? I’d never had to shop on a budget, but I might have to learn to.
Me: So, I was thinking about making some stuffed peppers for dinner with mashed potatoes.
Frankie: That sounds good. Do you need help? I can come over early.
Me: Thanks, but I think I'd like to do this on my own. I've been feeling kind of useless while I'm in the waiting phase for my shop, so I'd like to do something for the family.
Frankie: Papa is going to love that, just like he loves you.
Loves me?The words hit me like a slap in the face. Did he love me? Did I want him to? Yes. No. Maybe. Fuck. I couldn't decide if the idea made me feel guilty or hopeful, or a weird mix of guilty hope. Was that a thing? Not knowing how to respond, I decided to simply ignore it. Because ignoring it made it so the words never appeared before me.
Me: I wanted to make sure you didn't already have plans for any of the ingredients. If you do, let me know and I can do something different, or I can go shopping to replace it.
Frankie: I appreciate you asking. What are you using?
I organized the items into lunch and dinner and took a photo. When I sent it to them I explained which was which. It took a moment for Frankie to respond, the dots floated in the text chat, making me worry that it was too much. I didn't want to cause any extra stress or discomfort for anyone. It never occurred to me how much I took for granted even when it simply came to cooking.
Frankie: Okay, cool. I made a list off of the picture and I'll send it to Papa so we can plan to go to the store.
Another pang of guilt. Here I was adding more to Gio's load when I was trying to help out. He'd already done so much for me, I didn't need to make him spend more because of me, too.
Me: I can help. I mean I can replace everything I use. Are you sure it's okay?
Frankie: Yes. Totally. Also, Papa likes shopping for food, it makes him feel good, so don't worry about it at all.
Me: Thanks, Frankie.
Frankie: Of course.
Frankie: Hey, Jasper?
Me: Yeah?
Frankie: Thank you for reaching out. It really means a lot to me. I'm happy to share the kitchen with you, but if it's not too much to ask, can you keep doing this? I know it seems trivial, but it helps.
Me: Sure thing, kid. Thank you for telling me. Maybe you and I can plan a menu and shopping list together sometime.
Frankie: (Heart eyes emoji) Yes! OMG! I would love that.
When I had access to my money, the first thing I was going to do was take them to a fancy grocer and let them get whatever they wanted. My studio hadalwaysbeen my priority. It was the whole reason I was here at all. For the last few years, I had exactly one plan. One goal. Now, I was making plans with my new family. Plans withmykid. Yup, Frankie was absolutely mine now. Sure they were only eight years younger than me, but it didn't make it any less true.
A sense of rightness shoved the guilty pangs I'd been feeling right out of me. Both could be true. I could have my dream, while also making room for another I didn’t know I had. A family. The thought made my heart feel light.
