Page 16 of The Spirit Key
“Scotty?”
“Hi, Mom.”
It took only another moment before we were hugging each other and both of us were crying. I was trying to find justification for leaving, and all my excuses were for shit. I left everything heaped on her shoulders and ran because I couldn’t handle things. Yes, I was young, and yes, I was scared, but what I did to her—to everyone—was unforgivable.
Tim was right—payback sucked.
“Where have you been? I was so worried.”
“Can we sit down?”
“Yes, yes! Of course.”
She guided me into the house. She’d redecorated, and it looked nice. She ushered me over to the couch, and we sat, her clutching my hand. “I missed you so much.”
“Missed you too, Mom.” The lump in my throat hurt to swallow around. “And I’m so very sorry for worrying you.”
She regarded me expectantly, and I knew I had to tell her something. It wouldn’t be the truth, though. I couldn’t do that to her, especially after everything I’d already put her through.
“I know, and I’m sorry. I went to Chicago for… help. I was so lost when I was at home, and I knew I was hurting you and Ryan, so I thought it would be better if I left. I know now that was a mistake on my part, and I’ll never be able to say I’m sorry enough.”
Her eyes were misty as she leaned in and hugged me again. “I’m sorry we couldn’t be enough to help you. You know I was going through my own problems. With your father leaving and trying to raise two boys…. Things just got to be too much for me. I started drinking and thought it dulled the pain, but it didn’t. Every morning when I woke up, the problems were still there.”
“We both needed help, and I should have been here for you.”
She scowled. “No. I mean, yes, I wish you had been here, but it wasn’t your job to help me. I had to choose to do it myself. And I did.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a coin that she handed to me. On the one side were two lions, and between them the wordsWisdom,Courage, andSerenity. On the reverse was the motto “To Thine Own Self Be True,” and a triangle beneath with the wordsUnity,Service,Recovery.
I rubbed the coin between my fingers. “I’m glad you found someone to help you.”
“It wasn’t easy. The church group was too preachy for me, so I found a secular group who did the same thing but made me be strong for myself by helping others. I haven’t had a drop in four years.”
I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed hard. “I’m so proud of you, Mom.” She’d taken responsibility, gotten help, and was now helping others. I hid in Chicago, too fucking scared to have a life.
She bit her lip. “Did you get the help you needed?”
A deep sigh rolled out of me. “I thought I did, but I see now that it’s still a work in progress.”
“Your whole life you’ll be a work in progress.” She paused. “So you’re leaving again?” The pain in her voice was unmistakable.
“I have a job in Chicago, but I’m not going to vanish. Can I have your phone?”
She reached into her pocket and drew it out, then handed it to me. I programmed my number in, then called my phone so I would have hers.
“You look good, you know.”
Her cheeks pinked. “Thank you. So do you.”
We sat there for hours, with Mom telling me what she’d been up to. She was seeing a new man, and I couldn’t have been happier for her. And just when I thought things were going well, she dropped a bombshell on me.
“He has a gay son too.”
“He… what?”
“Has a gay son,” she repeated, looking at me like I’d grown a second head. “His name is Connor. He’s a sweet boy. You’d like him, I think. Though he’s not really your type.”
My head was spinning. “What do you mean?”
“I always saw you. Even when you thought I didn’t notice, I did. Maybe I was wrong for not telling you, but I hoped you’d come to me. Of course, I wasn’t the kind of mother who you’d want to tell that to, I guess.”
