Page 37 of The Spirit Key
“Was it because I was fat? I got teased from everyone at school about it. Did Mommy and Daddy hate me too? I wanted to look pretty, like my mom. When I told Kieran, he came with some pills he said helped his mom, and said I could have them if I wanted.” Burton sobbed. “I thought… I thought if one pill would help, then if I took all of them, I’d lose weight faster.”
Oh, shit. All this because of a little boy’s desire to not look different from everyone else.
“Burton says he wanted to look pretty like his mom.”
She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand, and Gavin stopped glaring, a sadness descending over him.
“He says the kids at school teased him about his weight, and he wanted to look like everyone else, but especially to be like Rachel.”
Rachel took a tentative step forward, with Gavin following close behind. “You can…. You can really see him? Talk to him?”
“Yeah.” Burton seemed torn between running to her and fleeing. Gavin wrapped his arms around Rachel, who was crying. “He’s afraid he made you angry because you moved out of the house, and he couldn’t come with you.”
“Oh my God, no.” She scanned the yard. “Burton, honey, that’s not it at all.” Her gaze shifted to me. “Please? If you can really see him, tell him we didn’t leave him.”
I knelt down in front of Burton, who had tears streaming down his cheeks. “They don’t hate you. They never did. When you took those pills, something bad happened, and it made your parents sad. They love you with all their hearts, and it hurt them to not have you.”
“But I’m right here! Why can’t they see me?”
On instinct I opened my arms to him, and he threw himself at me, snaking his arms around my neck. Images of the teasing, the laughter, the pain he felt every day assailed me. I wanted to recoil but held fast. I wouldn’t let Burton face this alone anymore. He was a good kid who got a raw deal.
“I died, didn’t I? That’s why Mommy was looking at me in the bed.”
It wouldn’t do any good to lie to him.
“Yeah, you did. It sucks, I know. I died once too. It’s not a lot of fun. But you see here? Your parents came, even though they were scared. They knew how much you needed them, and they would never, ever leave you like that. They love you so very much.”
“They didn’t care that I’m fat?”
“No, not at all. And you’re not fat. Look at your dad. You got the best parts of both your parents. Your dad’s looks and your mom’s kindness.”
“What’s he saying?”
I turned and found Rachel hovering over me, her hands clutched on to Gavin’s arm. “He asked me if you didn’t care that he was fat.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks. “No, baby. You weren’t fat—remember, we told you that. You were your dad’s son, because you looked beautiful, just like him.”
Burton rushed to his mother and threw his arms around her waist, burying his face in her stomach. “I’m sorry, Mommy. I’m sorry.” He stepped back, sadness like a mask on him. “She can’t feel me.”
I remembered how Tim reacted when I touched him. He could sense Burton’s presence and feel his sadness. I wondered if I could do that with the three who needed it right now.
“Gavin? Rachel? Can we try something?”
Rachel nodded.
I turned to Burton. “Give me your hand.”
He slid his hand into mine, and I gave it a squeeze.
“I want you to remember how much you love your parents, okay? You do love them, right?”
“Yes!” His little face scrunched up, and he returned my squeeze.
“Rachel? Can you take Gavin’s hand?”
She slipped her tiny hand into his massive paw.
“Okay, now take mine.”
