Page 9 of The Spirit Key
His expression softened for just a second, and I took that as a sign that I had to get him to hear me out.
“I’ll tell you everything about why I left. Why Ihadto go.”
“I don’t care.” But he did. The quaver in his voice told me more than his words did.
“I was dragging you all down. Ryan walked away because of me. My mom took to drinking because of me. And you….” I couldn’t say the words.
“What about me?” Tim stepped forward and gripped my shoulders. “What about me, Scotty?”
“You were wasting your life on me.”
His jaw dropped open, and he narrowed his eyes dangerously. “Holy shit. That’s what you’re going with? Seriously? The least you could have done was give me some fucking credit. It wasmychoice what to do with my life, and you are—were—my best friend. I would have given everything for you.”
My shoulders slumped. “That’s the thing. You did, and I hated myself for keeping you from living your life. The whole world was out there, waiting for you, and I was broken. Shattered into so many pieces, I wasn’t sure I could ever get them all together again.”
He stepped back. “No, this isn’t going to work. You made your choice, and now you have to live with it. Goodbye, Scotty.”
He wrapped his fingers around my wrist and pushed me back. I knew if he closed the door, I’d probably never see him again, so I took one last stab at it.
“Don’t you want to know what was wrong with me? All those years, every time you got between me and some asshole, don’t you even want to know why?”
“No, I don’t care.” But he did, because I knew him. His voice softened, and his grip on my arm lessened.
I spun on my heel. “You do—I can tell. Please, just let me explain to you why I came, and then I’ll go away if you want and never bother you again. I swear to God, it’s important.”
There were so many emotions playing on his face. Finally, he sighed and let go of me. “Fine.” He turned away, stalking through the house. I had no choice but to follow him. He went into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, and grabbed a beer. “Do you want one?”
“No, thank you. I don’t drink. It’s… it was part of the problem. I’d take a soda if you’ve got one.”
He went back into the refrigerator and pulled out a can of Coke, then turned and slammed it on the table. His body language spoke volumes: tense muscles, twitching jaw, and a slight tic in the corner of his left eye. I think he was trying to decide if he wanted to hear me out or lay me out.
I took a seat at the kitchen table and popped the top on my soda slowly, letting the pressure from being jostled seep out.
He sat across from me, staring at the table, a death grip on his bottle. “So, talk.”
There was so much to say, and I had no idea where to start. Then I realized that the end was probably a good place.
“Do you remember when I died?”
He was like a balloon that had met a needle. All the air went out of him, and his expressions faded, morphing to sadness.
“Yes. I stood over your body as Cole ran to get help. You weren’t breathing, and I was angry with myself for goading you into using the swing. When the paramedics came, they couldn’t revive you, and I started screaming that they had to save you.”
We hadn’t really talked much about the whole episode, so I’d never heard that. In fact, I doubt I even gave any thought to what the people around me were doing.
Wow, what a selfish bastard I was…. Am.
“When one guy pulled out a needle and stabbed it into your chest, the only thing I could think of was that he was hurting you. Ryan had to hold me back. He pulled me to his chest and held on while I sobbed. Then you coughed and sputtered, and Ryan let me go. You were breathing, and I was so fucking grateful.”
Yeah, I didn’t deserve a friend like him.
“Well, that was the start of the problems for me. Not because I died, but because of what happened after.”
He leaned forward, elbows on the table, his gaze locked on my face. “What happened?”
At least now I had his attention. I started off with what I knew for certain, that I died and came back, but then went into things that weren’t so clear for me.
“Do you remember that day in school when I got my scar?”
