Page 40 of The Spirit Key
“Then work with me. Help me figure this out.” It was probably a low blow, but this was important. “Look at how happy we made Rachel and Gavin. Think about what this meant to Burton. I don’t know what happens, but he was happy when he could finally move on. Do you know how amazing that made me feel? To do something nice for someone, to not want anything in return? To finally realize that maybe dying was the best thing that ever happened to me?”
“Yeah, you died already. I had to watch you lying on the ground, your lips blue, your eyes wide open. I could see the terror on your face! Don’t you fucking get it? I can’t see that again. It’s already seared into my memory. I have nightmares where you die and that’s it. Game over. When they brought you back, I was so damned happy. Then you ran off—and don’t even apologize again—and I lost you a second time. That’s twice you were taken from me. I couldn’t stand a third time.”
My heart went out to him, honestly. The first time I had no control over, and the second I made a bad decision, but….
“I still have to do this.”
He glared at me. “Why? Why does it have to be you?”
“Think about what you just said for a second.”
He sighed, took the chair next to the bed, and tipped his head back. “Fine, you can see the ghosts. I get it, really. But think about what this will do to your—our—lives. No matter how much you think it won’t change things, eventually someone will slip up and tell people what you can do. Are you ready for that kind of attention?”
I’d thought about it already. “I’ve been a freak my whole life. Kids didn’t bring it up much, but their behavior was less than subtle. The only person who stood by me was you. I want to believe that the only one I need by my side is you.”
“Okay, what about your mom? What about Ryan and his family? What’s going to happen when the kids are older and everyone hears about how Uncle Scott sees ghosts? What is that going to do to their lives?”
The thing about Tim was that he saw things in, like, a million dimensions. Where most of us saw only a few moves ahead, he could oversee the entire board, noting when the pieces would eventually fall.
“I hadn’t thought of that.”
“Just two days ago, you couldn’t even tell your mom, let alone Ryan. Now, all of a sudden, you want to go out and take the world by storm.”
How could I make him understand? My whole life I’d been searching for what made me special. I needed a purpose in life, and now I found one.
“You know who you are.” My voice was soft, hoarse. “Since I met you, you’ve always known who you were. Me? After the accident, I had no idea who I was anymore. Then when I started seeing ghosts, I ran away because seeing the ones who died in horrible ways freaked me out. It wasn’t like watchingA Nightmare on Elm Streetwhere you could console yourself with it not being real, because this is technicolor, in-your-face, high-def bullshit that I see.”
He started to say something, but I forged ahead, desperate to get the words out.
“Burton? He at least looked normal. I’ve seen people—babies—with their faces burned off. I saw a woman who died while she was giving birth. She was covered in blood, and her cries? Oh God. I don’t even want to think about them. She’d lost what was most important to her, and she was begging me for help. I had no idea that maybe I could do something. That there might be a way to help her move on. Do you know how many ghosts have come to me for help?” I pulled down the top of the hospital gown and traced my finger over the gash. “This? That day, the ghost stood over me, screaming for help. I get now why he lashed out. Fear, anger, frustration. All of it becomes too much after a while. I finally realize that I have more in common with a ghost than I thought. I want—no, Ineed—to help them, because if they’re anything like me, the dark emotions that course through them will eventually take a toll on them too.”
Tim sat quietly, looking down at his hands. I’d said what I had to, and though I wanted to make him understand, I let him ruminate on what I had just told him.
Eventually he sighed and lifted his head. “I want you safe.” He shrugged a shoulder. “I’m not even sure what that means. I’d rather you not have to deal with this at all, but now I understand that if you don’t, it’s going to continue to haunt you—no pun intended—and you’ll have to keep running. I’m not sure what to say.”
His earnest expression, the slumped shoulders, and the soft voice all pierced my heart.
“Okay, I’m going to say this, and it might sound crazy—”
“Because everything we’ve talked about has been sane.”
“I choose to ignore that. This has been my ‘normal’ for a long time.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
To tell the truth, I think Tim was more upset that he hadn’t been there to protect me than he was that I left. He’d accepted his role as my protector, and when I was gone—ran away—he no longer had a rudder.
“No more of that. This is all on me, and like Mom said, it’s time I grew up and accepted that. Got it?”
He gave me a half smile and a nod. “Got it.”
“Good. Now, as I was saying—”
The door opened and a doctor stepped in. It had been many years, and he looked a lot older. His dark hair had gone gray, and he had started a collection of wrinkles, but I remembered him clearly.
“How’s my miracle boy? Still can’t just go ahead and live a normal life?”
“Hi, Doctor Jenkins. It’s been a while.”
