Page 101 of Galen's Redemption
Tom shrugged. “Not much we can do about it. Brian’s decided he’s going to stop treatment. The doctor says if he does, they won’t be able to help him anymore. He laughed about that and said all they’d been doing for the last few years was giving him borrowed time, and he doesn’t want that anymore. He wants us to go away somewhere that it’ll justbe the two of us. He loves Mom and Dad, but they’re hovering. Mom calls him every day to see how he’s feeling, and he’s tired.”
“What about you?” Because Tom had to be tired too. While Brian might be the one who was sick, Tom was there, acting as husband, caretaker, breadwinner. And never once had he complained or been anything but supportive. That had to wear on a person.
“I’m okay.”
It wasa lie. Tom’s eyes were puffy, his lips thin and dry. But Robert knew his brother. He’d deny it no matter what. So Robert did the only thing he could think of. He hugged him. At first, Tom stood stiffly, but then he melted into the embrace.
“I’m not ready. Our silver anniversary is coming up next year, and I keep hoping for one more day with him. It’s why I’m telling you if you’re serious aboutGalen, then treat every day like it’s going to be your last one together, because one day it might be.”
“I’m surprised Mom and Dad aren’t smothering Brian.”
“He asked me not to tell them. He knows they mean well, but…. He’s had all the pity he can take. He wants the nausea, the vomiting, the pain that’s consuming his body to end. And while it kills me to think about it, I want that for him too.I can’t afford to be selfish anymore. I need to think about what Brian wants.”
Oh, that was such bullshit. Robert had never met a man more devoted than Tom. In his eyes, Brian could do no wrong. From the moment the two of them met in college, Brian had been the only thing Tom saw. He’d fallen hard for him, and when Brian said he loved Tom, Tom had called everyone in the family to tell them.
Still, there was something painful in Brian’s past, and that called to the caretaker in Tom. He loved being the one who took care of people, especially Brian. Not to say they didn’t each have their own lives, but Tom loved to stand in front of Brian, his arms wide, so nothing could get to Brian without going through Tom first.
Except cancer, of course.
“I’m sorry.” God, Robert wished he had somethingto say that would actually help.
“Thanks.” Tom stared off into the distance for a few moments. “We’re leaving next week. I’ll tell everyone else later, but I wanted you to know.”
“Where will you be going?”
“I’m not telling anyone. Brian wants….” His breath hitched. “He wants us to be alone when the time comes. No hospice, no doctors. Just me and him.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
Tomshrugged. “It’s what Brian wants, and I’m going to make sure he gets it.”
“I understand. If you need me, you’ll call.”
“I won’t need you.”
“You’ll promise to call, or I’m going to march in there and tell Mom all about it.” It was low, but if—when—Brian died, Tom would fall apart. “Okay, I won’t tell Mom, but please, don’t go through this alone. Let us be there for you.”
Tom gave a sad smile.“Brian doesn’t want any more fuss.” He put a hand on Robert’s arm. “Don’t you understand? As much as I don’t want him to die, Brian’s ready to let go.”
There were tears on his cheeks, and Robert could only guess the level of pain eating at him.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. You wake up every morning to the same person, and you go to bed at night with them. You fight, you make love—yourwhole existence is wrapped up in them. And then, one day, they’re gone. Brian keeps insisting I will find love again, but there won’t be anyone else for me. Brian’s it.”
Robert took Tom in his arms, and Tom clung to him as he barked out a harsh cry, then buried his face in Robert’s neck.
“I can’t live without him.”
Brian had told the family that they needed to be there for Tom after he wasgone but didn’t say they couldn’t be there for him. It saddened him, but Robert understood. Who wanted people to watch them die?
Tom stepped back, scrubbed a sleeve over his face, and forced a smile. “We need to get back. I don’t want to leave Brian alone for too long.”
When they went back into the house, they found Galen sitting beside Brian, engaged in conversation. Brian chuckled at something,and the aura of sadness that clung to Tom diminished.
“Making friends?”
Brian turned and smiled. He was, without a doubt, one of the prettiest men Robert knew. When Tom first introduced Brian to the family, Robert was taken aback by his good looks. Dark hair and eyes that spoke of his Asian heritage, slender and graceful. He didn’t walk; he flowed. He was a wiz with flowers and could cobbletogether a bouquet from dandelions and weeds that anyone would be proud to put on their table.
Now? He was painfully thin, his hair had all but fallen out because of the chemo treatments, and his skin was ashen. Even though he was only forty-two, Brian appeared so much older. The artful way he used to walk was now stilted by the pain he experienced with each step. Tom had taken to carrying himto his wheelchair or simply taking Brian in his arms and not putting him down until he had to.
