Page 10 of Stained Hearts
“ARE WEgoing to talk about this?”
My mom reached over my shoulder and poured me another cup of tea, then turned and grabbed a plate of shortbread cookies, which she slid in front of me.
“What’s there to talk about?”
She snorted. “You think I wouldn’t find out? Noel called and told Galen, who told Robert, who called me.”
“Great. The white-haired granny hotline.” A sharp slap to my shoulder had me sitting up. “Sorry, Mom.” There was no way I could be a prick to her. She’d been there for Brian and me every step of the way, and I sure as hell wouldn’t treat her like anything less than the goddamned treasure she was.
“Now talk.”
And I did. I poured my heart out, shed more tears than I thought I had left in me, and pretty much bared my soul. All the while she held my hand, never losing that touch that grounded me in the moment.
“How did I forget him, Mom?”
“You didn’t, and I think you know that deep down.” She frowned. “Brian knew it too.”
“What do you mean?”
She sighed and let go of my hand. “When you’d go to the diner and Brian stayed here, he and I talked. I have to say, I’m surprised by how well he knew you.” She opened a drawer and reached in to pull out a cream-colored envelope. She turned and held it out to me. On the front was my name, written in Brian’s unmistakable flourish. “I was supposed to give you this when I thought it was the right time.”
My hand shook when I reached for it, while hers remained rock-steady. I took it from her and held it in front of me. I peered up at her. “Do you know what it says?”
“No, I don’t. All I know is that he made me promise to give this to you when you needed it most. I think that’s today.” She bent down and kissed my forehead. “I’ll be in the living room if you need me.”
“Mom, I—”
“Read the letter, Tom. I think you need it now.”
She stepped out of the room, and I tore the seal off the envelope. When I reached in and pulled out the single sheet of paper, I held my breath, not knowing what was coming.
Tommy,
If you’re reading this, it means you’re having a crisis. I don’t know what exactly happened, but your mom said she’d give it to you when she thought the time was right. If I had to hazard a guess, I’m going to say that today you opened your heart, just a little, and let some light in to clear out those dusty cobwebs that no doubt formed.
That’s good! It means you’re healing, at least a little.
See, here’s the thing. The fact that you’re thinking about me? It’s appreciated, more than you’ll ever know. I’m so damned grateful to have had your heart as long as I did. But….
And you knew there’d be one, right?
Now that the crack has appeared, don’t try to seal it back up. Let that fucker (don’t tell your mother I swore) open wide and allow the sunshine to pour in.
That said, I want you to know that I don’t ever think you’ll forget me, but I do think maybe now that you’ve had a peek of what’s beyond the pain and hurt, you’re ready to let me rest while you go out and meet new people, find new love, and live, damn it.
Now I’m going to close this note before Mom comes in and finds me crying. Last time she baked a chocolate cake, and the two of us sat here and ate the whole damn thing. I put on a whole pound. At my next appointment, I told the doctor if he wanted me to put on weight, he could have Mom cook for me. Oddly, he didn’t seem all that amused.
I chuckled. There was a little arrow that led to the bottom of the page, where a discolored disk sat.
This? It’s a tear. You know me, I cry when the wind blows.
I’m crying now because the one thing I wanted for you, more than anything in this world, was for you to step back out into the land of the living. Keep me in your memories, but you have to know you don’t belong with me, and I hope I don’t see you for years to come.
Now go out there and seize the world by its balls, Tommy.
Love, Brian
The pain of memory was instant. It seared through me like fire, scorching everything in its path.
