Page 15 of Stained Hearts
“Because you fucking left me!” Now the tears were coming all at once. “You swore to me when we got married that we’d always walk the path together. And then you went and fuckingdied, and now I’m too fucking scared to walk alone, because the farther down the path I go, the more I know I won’t be able to see you there anymore.”
That’s not a bad thing, Tommy. And saying it will happen doesn’t make it so. Even if you can’t see me anymore, I’m always going to be on that path with you. Only this time, I get to watch as you run down it, free and happy. I know our friends always teased I was a bitchy queen when it came to you, and they weren’t wrong. When we went out, I wanted the world to know you were mine. Now? I want the world to embrace you and pull you in again. You know it’s time, Tommy. Look at it this way. Do you think maybe the reason you’re trying so hard to hold on is that you know it’s time to let go?
I think I’d known for a while that Brian was slipping away from me. Seeing Aiden’s smile, having my heart restarted, and now sitting here talking to my memories?
Was I still afraid? Maybe, just a little bit. Was it okay to let go if it allowed me to move forward? I knew, all the way to the depths of my being, that was what Brian would tell me.
Don’t be afraid to give your heart, Tommy. It’s the best part of you. I know because it was mine. And while I’ll never let it go, I’m willing to share it with someone who deserves a piece of it. You’ve put my body to rest, and now you can let my spirit sleep too.
Tears streamed down my cheeks, but this time they were cathartic. All the anguish, the pain, the heartache that I’d held on to since Brian got sick started to break up. The black bits of anger that clung to my soul at being left behind finally began to recede.
“I love you, Brian, but you’re right. I think I resented you for leaving me, and I was holding on to an anger I never admitted I felt. It wasn’t your choice, and it’s stupid of me to blame you for anything. I’m sorry.”
That night, after scheduling an appointment with my therapist, I sat on the couch, clutching the urn to my chest that had held my beloved, and I remembered the good times and the reasons I’d loved Brian.
And I said goodbye.
TWO WEEKSlater, feeling better than I had in well over a year, I was sitting out on the porch, sipping some lemonade after having mowed the lawn. God, Mom was right. I had let things go to hell. The grass was too high, the shrubs hadn’t been trimmed in the longest time, and the flowers that Brian had planted and nurtured with love—and more than a bit of cursing when the miniature roses he’d seen and fell in love with stubbornly refused to grow—had gone unweeded. After I’d pulled myself together, I tackled the projects one at a time, delighting in the restoration of our house and my life.
I went to Mom’s for dinner. Visited Robert and Galen and helped serve a couple meals at the shelter. I stopped in at the diner a few times. There was more laughter in my life. Oh, I still missed Brian terribly, but that soul-deep ache that I’d never been able to let go of had dulled to a soft pain when I saw things he might have liked.
Overall, I would say I was reborn, which made the phoenix glass I’d ordered an even better idea. I told Robert about it, and he said it was brilliant. He said he couldn’t wait to see the final piece once it was done.
When the phone rang with a number I didn’t know, I almost didn’t answer it, but something told me I needed to take the call. I swiped my thumb over the screen, then held the phone up to my ear. “Hello?”
“Mr. Kotke? This is Aiden. You know, from the restaurant.”
He’d emailed me a couple times, letting me know that he’d be contacting me directly to discuss the project and get specifications. “Oh, hi. How are you?”
“Um. I’m okay. Listen, I wanted to talk to you about the order you placed on Etsy.”
I stretched out, crossing my legs. “Yes?”
“I know you put down a deposit, but custom glass is expensive.”
A grin slid into place. “Okay. Are you saying you can’t do the job?”
“What? Oh no! Nothing like that. It’s just… I don’t want you to be shocked when you get the bill for the rest.”
“I’m guessing you think it’s overly expensive.”
He cleared his throat. “Maybe a thousand dollars.” Then, as if he was afraid I’d change my mind, he plowed on. “It’s a big piece, and it’s going to require a lot of time and work. I can see about working out a discount or a payment plan if that helps.”
“That’s okay. I still want it, if you’re up to doing it.”
“Really?” I could hear his surprise. “Like,reallyreally?”
I laughed at his eagerness and shock, and damn, it felt good. “Yes, like, really really.” I thought for a minute. I didn’t know anything about Aiden, but something about him called to me. I’d never been one to shy away from my gut feelings, and I wouldn’t do so now. “Would you like to meet for coffee so we can discuss it?”
“Sure. The diner?”
The idea had merit, but this wasn’t a date, and I didn’t want anyone assuming anything.
“How about the Starbucks? I’ll even throw in a chocolate biscotti.”
“You had me at chocolate. When should we meet?”
I pulled the phone back and checked the time. “It’s three now. Would an hour be enough time?”
