Page 48 of Stained Hearts
“I can’t.”
His head snapped back until he was staring up at me. “What? Why?”
I sat beside him and took his hand. “Listen to me. I want to. You have no idea how badly. This would be your first time, and it should mean something. I get you want to be laid, and I’m honored you want me to be your first, but—”
His lips curled into a sneer. “You stupid son of a bitch.” He growled. “You ignorant bastard.”
Whoa. “Excuse me?”
He pushed me away and leaned back. “I’m not asking you to fuck me. I’m asking you to hold me. To let me touch you. Do I want us to have sex? Yeah, I do. But I can also be respectful of your wishes. Why do you think just because I want to have my hands on you that it’s automatically going to lead to us getting it on?”
“But I—”
“God, I can’t believe you.”
Well, shit. “I’m—”
He waved a dismissive hand. “Sorry, yes, I know.” He reached for his shirt. “I’m sorry if you think I can’t control myself around you.”
I stopped him from putting the shirt on. “It’s not you I’m worried about.”
He cocked his head. “Then what is it?”
God, this was hard. “I haven’t had sex in a couple of years.”
“But, I thought—”
“Brian was sick. He said he would, but that was all kinds of wrong to me. Then he said…. He said….” Fuck, even now the words burned like acid in my stomach. “He said that if I needed to, I could go out and find someone for sex.”
Aiden’s jaw dropped. “But you didn’t, right?”
I shook my head. “One-person man. I never even entertained the thought, and I was angry with Brian for daring to suggest it. We argued, with him telling me he couldn’t very well take care of my needs anymore, and I shouted at him, told him our marriage was a lot more than sex. It was love and commitment, and I honored both of them. In the end, as we lay in bed that night, he whispered that if I ever changed my mind, to please let him know.”
“Oh.” There was a quaver to Aiden’s voice. “I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for, I swear. Brian never brought it up again, and as far as I was concerned, the conversation was over. Still, I won’t deny that I was hurt by him thinking I’d go out and fuck someone else and leave him at home, wondering what I was doing.”
That story had never been repeated to anyone. Not even my mom knew it. Or at least I don’t think she did. Maybe Brian told her.
“You know something?” He put a hand on my back and rubbed in slow circles. “The love you had for each other? That’s like one for the ages. I’m in awe and humbled by it.”
That made me feel better. “Thanks.”
“Do you think you can sleep now?”
I nodded. “I’m drained. Let’s get in bed.”
I finished helping him undress, then stripped off my own clothes. We snuggled under the blankets, Aiden moving in next to me. When I wrapped an arm around his chest, the tension in his body vanished, and with him beside me, I fell asleep.
Chapter Twelve
I WOKEwarm and comfortable with a weight on my chest. When I opened my eyes, Aiden’s head came into view. He’d curled up beside me, his head resting on my sternum. His arm was draped over my stomach, and he was drooling on me. It was the cutest freaking thing I’d ever seen.
When I reached down to touch his head, he shifted his position and his hand moved lower. It was so close to my dick that the traitorous thing lengthened, desperate to feel a touch that wasn’t my own for the first time in far too long.
The moment his warm fingers touched the head, I was lost.
“Aiden, we can’t—”
