Page 23 of Stained Hearts
And I did love. With my whole heart, until it was ripped away from me.
“He’s so young. He’s got a whole life ahead of him. I know I’m trying to get on with my life, and I’m happier, but am I in a good enough place to have feelings for someone else?”
“Let me ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me. Do you think your feelings give a damn what you want?”
No, of course they didn’t. I knew that the first time I set my sights on Brian Chen. I’d fallen for him in the space of a week, and when I tried to tell myself to back off, I knew I couldn’t.
“No.” There were so many other things to say. “He’s almost half my age, Mom.”
She pushed up off the ground and stood over me. “He’s an adult who should be allowed to make up his own mind. If you’re not interested in him, well, that’s one thing, but if you are, then why not trust him to know what he wants?” She leaned over and ruffled my hair. “I’m going to go finish the pie. Come on in when you’re ready.”
Now, if I thought that would be the end of the conversation, I would be wrong. Not two minutes after the door closed behind her, it opened again and Dad came out. He strode over to where I was sitting and stared down at me.
“So this is the tag off? She’s said her piece, and now she’s turning you loose on me?”
He chuckled. “Something like that.” He stood there another moment, then frowned. “Listen, can we go sit somewhere else? Not sure I can get back up if I sit on the ground. My knee’s been giving me problems lately.”
I got up and followed him to the swing on the porch. He lowered himself onto it with a care I didn’t remember seeing before. I realized then how old my parents were getting.
“Your mom gave me the abridged version. There’s a guy. You’re conflicted. Blah blah blah. But I want to hear your version.”
I heaved a sigh. I wasn’t going to get out of it, so I might as well just barrel ahead. “There’s a guy. I’m conflicted. Blah blah blah.”
He laughed, and the whole swing swayed. He reached out and put an arm around me. “Okay, then. Talk to me.”
“His name is Aiden, and he’s doing a stained-glass window for me. He’s young, Dad. Really young.”
“Sounds to me like you’re trying to find excuses not to face up to what you’re feeling.”
I turned so I could look at him. “But what if I don’t know how I’m feeling? See, that’s the whole conflicted part.”
“Then you spend some time together. As friends, of course. See where your feelings lead you.”
“But Brian….”
“Wanted this for you, and honestly, you need to stop using him as an excuse. You know how angry he’d be if you kept being alone and blaming him for it.”
I wanted to be pissed. To jump up and scream at him that he didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. The truth, though? He was right. Not about me blaming Brian, because that wasn’t ever going to happen. I blamed myself for the whole thing. I was the one who encouraged Aiden to call and sat on the phone with him for hours. Maybe it was time to be honest.
“I like him, Dad.”
“You think I can’t tell? You’ve got this gleam in your eye when you talk about him, and no way would you be this tied up in knots if you didn’t. I know you said that you were ready to move on, but now that there’s a chance it could happen, you’re scared.”
There were no words, so I just nodded. Then my Dad, the big old scary side of beef, put his arms around me and held me while I cried.
ANOTHER WEEKwent by, and I still hadn’t heard from Aiden. I spoke with Olivia once more, and she said he wasn’t talking to her either. In fact, she said when she tried to press him to tell her what was going on in his head, he practically bit hers off. She was at a loss and told me to try again. So, for the next several days I called and left messages, asking him to let me know if he was okay. He didn’t return them. Finally, in desperation, I decided to play a different card.
“Aiden, it’s Tom. Again. Listen, if you’ve decided you don’t want to finish the window, I’ll understand. Please let me know, though, and I’ll stop calling.”
Three hours later, still nothing. I had no clue which way to go, so I figured I’d go to the diner for something sweet to eat. I took a corner booth and waited while Tyler made a couple of hot fudge sundaes. Noel was off duty, so he sat with me while Lincoln took care of a group celebrating a birthday. At one point we all got up and sang for the ninety-year-old woman, and she waved at us when we were done.
“Have you heard from Aiden at all?”
Noel shook his head. “He hasn’t been in, and when I try to call, he won’t answer. Can I ask what happened?”
So I laid it all out for him, and like a true friend, he sat there and listened intently. When I was done, he reached out and put a hand atop mine.
“Don’t give up on him. Or yourself. Aiden’s been hurt a lot already, and now he’s probably afraid it’s going to happen again. He’s got to be confused and scared, and he has no clue what’s happening.”
