Page 2 of Stained Hearts
“And I was wrong. The day you slid that ring on my finger, I finally understood what it meant to be whole.”
“Right, and now you think I’m supposed to just let you go and move on? I won’t be whole anymore, so how the hell do you think I can pick up and forget you existed?”
“Sit down.”
“No.”
He gave me a weak smile. “Tommy, sit down.”
When he called me Tommy, my knees wobbled. It was a nickname that only he could use. I wouldn’t accept it from anyone else, not even my family. From him? My heart always thumped a little harder at hearing it in his soft voice, as his light brown eyes held me captive. I sat on the bench beside him, and he put a hand on my arm.
“I’m not saying you have to do it now, but you can’t keep living for me. I won’t be here in anything more than a memory. If you really want to honor that, then you need to live. You’ll have to do it for both of us. Take that trip and go parasailing like we always said we’d do. Trek across the desert on the back of those humped nightmares. Ride the scariest roller coaster in the world. Do that, and your heart will race harder than it’s ever done before.”
“No, it won’t.” I turned my hand over and wrapped our fingers together. “The day you said ‘I do’? Nothing will ever be more thrilling or terrifying than that.”
He coughed, his body shuddering. He reached up to cover his mouth. When he pulled his hand away, dots of blood coated his palm. The inevitable had finally happened, and I was about to lose my heart.
“It’s been twenty-five years, baby. The best anyone has ever had, but—”
“Shut up.” I leaned over and put my head on his shoulder. “Please. Just stop talking. Let’s sit here and enjoy the quiet.”
He laid his head against mine. “Okay.”
The moment was perfect. A reminder of why I loved him so very much. We sat there for an hour, and when the coughing started again, worse this time, I reached for my phone. He shook his head.
“Don’t. You’ve got to let me go. It’s time. I don’t have it in me to fight anymore.”
My heart broke, knowing what was coming. “But I can’t…. I don’t want to.”
“I know, but no one can stop time, and mine has come. You need to accept that.”
My eyes filled with tears, and I scrubbed a hand over them.
“Do me a favor?”
“Anything, you know that.”
“Hold me, so I won’t be so afraid.”
God, my heart tore in two. “Okay.” I wrapped my arms around him, the body that had always been delicate but was now thin and fragile. He put his head on my chest, and his wheezing grew harsher.
“I’m always going to love you, Tommy. And if there’s an afterlife, I’ll be waiting for you in the park under the big oak tree. Will you look for me?”
That was where we had our first date. Him sitting there, his face tilted up at the sun, looking so fucking gorgeous. “I swear, I won’t look for anything else.”
“Okay.” He coughed, harder than before. “I’m going to miss waking up and seeing your smile every morning.”
I squeezed him tighter. I no longer had words. In my mind, I was wishing I could die along with him, because being alone? I couldn’t see how that was possible. The man I clutched to mewasmy life.
“You’re going to be okay. You know that.”
I started to disagree but stopped myself. He needed it to be true. He didn’t want to die with the regret of leaving me alone. “I’ll be okay.”
“Stop lying to me. You’ll cry, grieve, and try to hide away from people. When we went home, I told our family not to let you do it. They’re going to hound you. They’ll force you to go out and meet new people.” He reached up and put his hand on my chest. “And one day, I hope you’ll find love again, because there’s too much in your heart not to share it with—” Harsh coughs wracked his slight frame, and I knew the time had come.
“Rest. I’m going to be right here for you.”
“You always were. And when the time comes that you need comfort, you know where to look, right?”
