Page 46 of Stained Hearts
This time it was me who blew out a breath. “For what?”
“Can you look at me? Please.”
I took the pan off the burner and put it on the back of the stove. When I turned, my resolve not to scoop him in my arms wavered. He sat there, his cheeks mottled red with patches of white. There were streaks where tears had run down them. I stayed strong, though it was hard.
“You and Olivia are right.” He rolled his chair to the table. “I’m angry all the time at how weak I think I am. Olivia shouldn’t have to put up with me whining and fussing all the time.”
“You don’t do it all the time. I think it’s when you get scared or feel shame for your situation. You lash out because it’s easier to push people away so they can’t hurt you.” This time I didn’t even try to stop myself. I put a hand on his cheek and rubbed away the stain. “I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it is for you.”
“But that’s not an excuse. I knew it for the longest time, but you’re right. I don’t want to need help. I want to be like you or Livvy. To stand up on my own two feet and do things by myself.” He swallowed. “I was never angry with you or her. I was mad at myself. I always said people looked down on me because of the chair or walker, but the reality of it is, I’m the one who sees my limits, while you and Livvy see my potential. Maybe it’s time for me to do my best to see myself through your eyes.”
I couldn’t hold back anymore. I threw my arms around him and held him tight.
“I am so sorry, Tom.” He buried his face in my chest. “Please don’t be mad.”
“I’m not.” I stepped back and ruffled his hair. “I accept responsibility for my own part in this.”
His eyes widened. “You? What did you do?”
“Let me ask you something, okay? If your walker was here, or if I had brought the chair in the house, what would you have done last night when you needed to use the bathroom?”
“I would have gotten up and gone.”
“And that right there tells you what my part was. I’m used to people depending on me, so I never think twice about it. It never even entered my mind that I needed to give you your mobility. For that, I truly am sorry.”
He chuckled. “I can think of more things that are my fault. Like telling you I wanted to sleep up in the loft, when it’s not really accessible for me. Can we just admit we’re both wrong?”
I leaned down and kissed him on the nose. “We can.” I stood up. “Now, are you ready to eat?”
He rubbed his stomach. “I will be, but I need to make a call first. Is that okay?”
I figured I knew who he planned on calling. “Of course. I’ll give you some privacy.”
He reached out and put a hand on my arm. “Stay?”
“Okay. Let me get some coffee.”
Once I’d filled both cups, I took a seat across from him. His nerves were evident from the way he bobbled his phone.
“She’s going to understand. She loves you, probably more than you know. If you were her son, she couldn’t be more proud of you.”
That seemed to perk him up. He tapped the screen twice, then put the phone on speaker and placed it on the table.
“Aiden, I swear to God, if you don’t let me get some sleep, I won’t be responsible when they find your body.”
“Nice to hear you too, Livvy.”
“You okay?” Her voice softened. “Do you need me?”
He chuckled. “You’re not going to believe this, but I’m always going to need you. You’re more than my sister, you know. You’ve been more a parent to me than either of them. You didn’t deserve how I treated you.”
She cooed. “I’m always going to be here for you. Having you with me was the greatest gift I’ve ever gotten. I know you didn’t come here under the best of circumstances, but when the chips were down, you knew where you’d be safe.”
He glanced up at me. “I’m starting to learn that I’ve got two safe harbors now.” His lip jutted out. “Is that okay?”
Livvy chuckled. “Of course it is. You need to know where to turn when you need us, but also where to look when you want to find us cheering you on.”
His lower lip wobbled, and I went to him and pulled him to me.
