Page 79 of Stained Hearts
“You always had it all planned, didn’t you? You could see things none of the rest of us could. But you didn’t see this, did you? Oh, your great plan to find me someone to love worked really well, didn’t it?”
Anger seared my soul, and I threw the urn at the wall. It hit, leaving a dent in the wood, and landed with a thud on the floor. I stared at it for a few moments, then turned my ire skyward.
“Or was it you? Did you need a big old cosmic laugh and decided to fuck with me again? You took Brian, one of the best men who ever walked this planet, and you give him a fucking disease that ate away at him until he begged me to let him die. That was really fucking funny, wasn’t it? I bet you had them rolling on the floor with that one. And now you’re going to start with Aiden. And this is just the beginning, isn’t it? First it’s a beating, then what? Can’t be cancer, because you did that one already. No, it’ll be something even funnier.”
My rage continued to build. They gave me something precious, then turned around and tried to take it away.
It was at that moment I realized what I’d done. Brian’s urn lay on the floor, its lid open. I rushed across the room and picked it up, putting it to rights, before I returned it to the mantel.
“I’m so sorry. For everything. I know this wasn’t your fault, and you did what you thought best. I want to believe it wasn’t my fault either, but…. God, how could I have been so damned stupid? Three simple words, and I couldn’t get them out.”
And that was the crux of it all right there. Brian was right in that a lot of it had to do with the house and the memories, but there was something he missed. A tiny kernel I’d kept buried deep inside. I didn’t tell Aiden I loved him because I was afraid to lose someone I cared about again. I barely survived when Brian died, so what would happen if I lost Aiden too?
The horror swept through me as I realized I’d left him alone in the hospital. God, I was fucking up everywhere. When Aiden needed me most, I ran off feeling sorry for myself.
I took my phone from my pocket and dialed Mom.
“Feeling better?”
“I’m so sorry, Mom. I shouldn’t have snapped at you, and I never should have left.”
“It’s okay, Tommy.”
She hadn’t called me Tommy since I was probably ten and told her big boys were Tom, not Tommy. How could she know that right now, I needed my mother?
“I’m scared, Mom. I can’t lose Aiden.”
“Sweetheart, you know as well as I do there is nothing promised to you in life. You love Aiden, and that’s the start. What happens now is up to you. Do you step up and tell him, then start walking together on that scary journey, or do you run back and hide away, giving him up because you’re afraid? Is that what love is for you? Something convenient until you’re scared, then you turn tail and hide?”
Ouch. That one cut me to the quick. I never ran when Brian was sick, and she knew it. But dying was something else entirely. It scared me to my core that I might lose Aiden, but to walk away from him would hurt both of us, and I swore to him I wouldn’t do that.
“No, I’m not running. You’re right. It’s scary, but I made Aiden a promise that I would be there, and I never break my word.” I drew in a deep, calming breath. “Besides, I love him. What kind of person would it make me if I walked away now?”
“Maybe you should be telling him that and not me. He’s awake now, and he’s asking for you. He’s scared, Tom, and he needs his rock to hold on to. Are you going to be that for him, or would you rather it be me or Olivia?”
The thought that someone else would be caring for Aiden pushed me into action.
“I’m on my way back.”
Aiden needed me, and I needed him. There was nothing more important right then.
“TOM! WHERE’STom?”
Aiden’s shrill voice carried down the hall. When I stepped around the corner, he saw me and tried to get up. If Olivia hadn’t been holding Aiden down, he would have been off the bed, doing his best to get to me. I swept through the room and to his side. He reached up with his right hand and grabbed my jacket, then pulled me down into a frantic hug.
“They took it, Tom. They took my legs.”
“No, sweetheart.” I ran my hand down and let it rest on his knee. “They’re still there.”
He shook his head harshly. “My chair. The only thing I have that will help me keep up with you. How can I be by your side if I don’t have it? You’re going to keep walking, and I’m going to be lying on the ground, begging you to come back.”
Aiden was still hysterical, and I knew it. He was trembling, and tears from bloodshot eyes streaked his cheeks. I tamped down on my anger, because Aiden didn’t need that from me. He needed comfort and support and to finally hear the truth from me.
“Then I’ll carry you. I would never leave you there and walk away. Where I go, you go. We’ll get you a new chair, but you need to know that whether you have it or not doesn’t matter. If we can’t go together, then we won’t go.” I leaned back and touched his cheek. “I love you, Aiden.”
He sobbed and clutched me again. Mom and Olivia smiled and left the room.
“You mean the world to me, and I should have told you before, but I was afraid.”
